The world is not ready

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The media is slowly forgetting about Minjeong's life scandal. Some of the media supports her life preference and almost all her fans are cool with it. Not to mention some of netizens starting to change their mind. This is a really good news for her. She can't wait to tell the world about Jimin but she guessed they are not on the same boat. After the scandal, her girlfriend being more cautious than before. She even introduced a safe distance between them whenever in public. She avoids all the skin ship and keeps her face straight. Minjeong wants to talk about that but when they home, her girl changes 180. She gets super clingy, acting all cute and expressive as hell to the point it always end with both of them lying arms in arms without a single string the next day. Today, she must talk about it. She must resist all the flirty gesture her girlfriend ever made.

"Just sit down and trust me. I am a good cook too." Jimin chuckled.

"I'm just worried you will burn my kitchen." Minjeong gave her a back hug.

"Oh come on. We will be late for the live match. Kudo seonsu is up next right?" Her hand is busy with the spatula.

"Hmm. Okay then. I'll wait for you at the sofa." Minjeong peck the latter cheek and nape.

Look who's talking. The one who starts all the flirty is she herself. And yet she blames her girlfriend's charm when the latter just response to her tease? Come on buddy. You can do this. She thought.

"Why the umpire pronounce 0-0 as 'LOVE-ALL, not 'Zero-ALL'?" Since the game started, the tall girl in her arms bombarded her with questions. She's too focus on the screen until an aggressive lips land on her cheek.

"I'm sorry, what was the question again?". She plays with the latter hair, rubbing it back and forth.

"Never mind. Enjoy your game." The tall girl stands up but she's quick to pull latter back in her arms.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry, jagiya. Don't leave me alone." She smooched the girl.

"Hmm. Why it is LOVE-ALL?" Jimin asked her again.

"Because the world love comes from French which means egg, except the spelling is not l.o.v.e."

"So what's the correlation?" The girl frowned.

"Haha. Jagiya, zero shaped like an egg. That's why." She chuckled at her girlfriend confused face.

"Hmm. So it indirectly means love equal to zero." The girl mumbled.

"Even if love is zero, zero is where everything starts. Nothing would ever be born if we didn't depart from there." She reassured her girlfriend.

"No matter how much you add, you will only lose to misery." The girl distanced herself.

"Hey, it—"

"Let's end all of this." Her girlfriend cut her off.

"W-what? Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry okay." She held her hand, asking the tall girl to sit beside her again. But the girl shoved her hand.

"You know we both get hurt more than we laugh."

"Hey, look. All love gonna hurt. It's fine. We just need to find who worth the hurt. And you worth it."

She stood up, trying to wrap her hands against the slim waist only to get rejected again. She noticed Jimin's watery eyes and her nose turning red. The girl is trying to suppress her tears. No, it's not supposed to be like this.

"No. This is toxic. This is like a bad medication, yet as addictive as any drugs. We both are consuming it too much until it's too late to realise that it's damaging our body." The girl sobbed.

"Hey, look. You're just tired okay. Lately you've been on too many on-calls, that's why—"

"Oh come on. You think I'm not tired of this? All this hiding things? I AM, KIM MINJEONG." For the first time ever, the soft spoken girl raised her voice.

"Hey, look. Okay the media has been positive now. I got a lot of support too. We can come out like right now I'll call for the press conference." She groped her pocket, searching for her phone.

"No. It's all useless. The world is not ready for that. Let's just ended all of this, please?" The girl pleaded.

Today Minjeong experience so many first time. First time Jimin came to her house unannounced, first time tasting her lover handmade food, first time gets shouted by her girlfriend and first time they didn't see eye to eye. Where did they go wrong? Why it looks like all her fault? She wanted to come out but the one who opposed the idea is the girl who's looking at her with a blank stare now. Whose fault is that again? No, it's not supposed to be like this.

"Seriously? Are you kidding me?" She started to heat up.

"The world is not ready? Is it the world or YOU???" She exclaimed the last word.

"And you sure you are ready? When the media went wild, talking about us, where were you?? When the reporters lingering around my housing area, where were you??" The latter whined.

"Wait, what? I don't know they went to your—"

"Of course you're not! You're too busy hiding like a coward! Instead of running to me, you choose to watch everything behind." Jimin cut her off once again.

So the reason she's uncontactable for the whole day is not because of her dead battery. Minjeong knew it too well because the call was connected until it's disconnected by a voice mail. So her girlfriend is actually waiting for her to come to her. She knows she fucked it up upon seeing the crystal clear tears came out of the latter's quiet eyes. It's like the tears have been held for a long time, as if at the long last, her accumulated ocean of brine was trickling through. No, it's not supposed to be like this.

"Jimin-ah, I—" She went closer, but a step she took, the girl will take a step back.

"Let's just stop, Minjeong-ah. It's the best for us." Jimin wiped her cheeks before grabbing her handbag. She wants to leave the place but someone's grabbing her hand from behind.

"Jimin-ah, please, no. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. Please I can fix this, I promise." Minjeong kneeled on the floor.

"I just want to thank you for making me feels normal. All those times spent with you are irreplaceable for me. It's my fault, for loving you more than I can handle. Thank you and I love you."

Who thought that those three words can lose their magic? She lets the latter to shove her hand as she watches the back of the girl who's everything to her walk away, and the latter never once turned her back until she's completely disappeared. Minjeong weeps as if the soul could bleed an ocean through the eyes, that was the enormity of her sobbing.

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Jimin feels no strength in her legs. Her legs feel weaker the more steps she takes. Is this what a person with myasthenia gravis feels like? The weakness and rapid fatigue of the muscles under her own voluntary control? She forces herself until the bus stop and cry like a child who just lost her mother. When the bus arrives, she feels incomplete. She never went home alone since almost two years now. She gathers all her remaining strength to get into the bus. She sits by the window, at the seat she would usually take with her favourite person, looking at the distant tall building for the last time.

"You will always be my number 1, Kim Minjeong."

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