The Complete Works of Lady Oakenshield's Adventures

Chapter 3 -- Rock and Roll

Rock and Roll It was almost dawn when Thorin finally walked into Lady Oakenshield's chambers. He heard her soft sigh as she turned and slowly opened her eyes. "Hello, my darling. I'm sorry I woke you," he whispered as he slipped off the last of his bindings. "I'd hoped I could just steal a few minutes with you before the sun broke over the Mistys again." "You've not found them, then." "No. They can't get out of the mountain and I don't want to talk about them. I want you. I want you now. Every single inch of you. Get out of that whatever it is called that you women wear when you're alone before I take Orcrist and cut it off." "Well, aren't we demanding this fine day? Might I ask that you take off your boots?" Lady Oakenshield laughed. "They leave such a mess in the bed." Thorin looked down. "Oh well, if you insist." It wasn't fifteen minutes later there came a soft knock on the door. "Radagast's hat! Who is it?" Thorin's muffled voice called out from somewhere under the pelt. "Sorry to bother you, my king, but there's been a development." He stuck his head out. "I'll be there in minute." "More like ten minutes," Lady Oakenshield snickered. "You are not leaving me like this again." I will pin you to the wall with Orcrist, myself." "King minutes are longer than normal minutes, milady, didn't you know that?" Thorin pulled the pelt back over their heads. Lady Oakenshield sat at her dressing table and looked beyond the reflection in the mirror, her chin in her hands. "Where are you Arkenstone? How did they get in?" She looked at the onyx pillar sitting forlornly in the corner. After the debacle with Frerin sneaking into her chambers unannounced, Thorin, Balin and Frerin combed her chambers and sealed all the Elven doors, but one. That door was left opened for escape in case of dragon. It could be opened with a word known only to her, Thorin, Balin and of course, Gandalf who'd put the spell on the door. It kept her safe from unwanted intruders and Frerin. Two dwarves from the far east, in Orocani, calling themselves Princess Marigary and Prince Justony had arrived six months earlier for Frerin and Grendel's wedding, claiming to be relatives of Grendel's on her mother's aunt's great grandfather's sister's side. Since there was no family tree to check their claim, they were welcomed. After all, family is family. They never left. They demanded family right of house, and Frerin was charged with maintaining a house for them out of his allowance because they were penniless and homeless, and he and Grendel did not want them living with them. Thorin had never trusted them and on several occasions had tried to have their story checked through historical records but because of the destruction by Smaug, it was almost impossible. He'd even asked for help from Dain, but he wasn't any more successful. Lady Oakenshield chuckled at the thought of the two, and the first and last time, Justony called Thorin by his first name, instead of King Thorin or your majesty. She had only seen Orcrist move that fast once before. When Grendel broke into her chambers looking for Frerin, Thorin stopped her with Orcrist at her breast from bed to threshold before she could take more than one step in. This time he had Justony by the throat with Orcrist from throne to the lower tables in less time than it took for Justony to get the second syllable of "Thorin" all the way out of his mouth. "You will address me as Sire, King Thorin, or your majesty at all times. You do not nor will you ever have permission to address me as an equal, you worm." Justony's face was the most beautiful shades of purple, pink, and red, just before it went pale and his head hit his knees in a cowardly bow. You could hear Marigary hiss like a copper kettle from beside him. "Touch him and she dies a slow death." Thorin's dagger was just as quick at her throat. "You wish to say something to me, say it so everyone can hear." "I said, uh, I said, Pardon my son, your, uh majesty, he speaks without thinking." "I thought that was what you said. Now take your son, if he truly be, and get out of my sight." Justony dragged himself out from under Orcrist and crawled out the door with Marigary holding on to his collar like a leash. The crowd erupted in ridicule. "Why don't you ride him home?" "Need a whip?" Thorin turned to the crowd. "Well, I guess we don't need the jesters, do we? Should we just go straight to the dancing?" The crowd shouted its approval and started shoving the tables against the wall as the musicians tuned their instruments. Just before he sheathed Orcrist he stuck its tip in the floor and twirled it around. "First dance always goes to the victor." Then he held his hand out to Lady Oakenshield. The crowd applauded vigorously, just as Balin came in the door with a frown on his face, looking around for Thorin. Balin had run into the haughty couple on their way out of the ballroom. He was just making sure there'd been no bloodshed that he'd have to avenge. "No, Balin, no bloodshed. Lady Oakenshield was just wondering why you never dance with her." "I'm an old warrior, not an old light foot, your majesty, but if you insist," Balin swept Lady Oakenshield right out of Thorin's arms and pirouetted her out to the middle of the floor, where he dipped her so low her head almost touched the floor. He then danced her around the floor with steps that would have made any dance master proud. He ended by placing her back in Thorin's arms with a flourish and a deep and wide bow. "At your service, my King, Lady Oakenshield," he said as his eyes twinkled and he slowly backed away. "Where that brother of mine?" Thorin roared with laughter. "I'll have to keep an eye on that old peacock! He's got talents I've not seen." "And he's very handsome for an old warrior who's almost two hundred years old." "Watch yourself, madame. You're in the presence of the King of Dwarves. I could have him exiled with the snap of my fingers." "I could have you exiled from my chambers with the snap of my fingers." "I love Balin. I could never do without him. I would never snap my fingers." "Thought so. Want to go to my chambers?" "All you have to do is snap your fingers and I will follow." Everyone glanced up at what sounded like the snap of someone's fingers, but they were having such a good time they never noticed that Thorin and Lady Oakenshield were gone. It was a few days after the celebration, Lady Oakenshield first noticed Arkenstone was gone. She hadn't thought much about it at the time because Thorin had taken the box a few times to have it polished or to use Arkenstone for a special purpose. He usually told her he was taking it though so she wouldn't worry. Arkenstone was her guardian, after all. You should know if you weren't being guarded. But then who needed guarding when you had the King Under the Mountain sleeping next to you? Sleeping? Ha, that was a joke. "I wonder if he ever sleeps. He is the most affectionate dwarf I know. Kissing is his favorite thing to do, well next to touching. He loves touching. He always wants to be touching me. He doesn't care who is around. There has to be touching. I'd bet he naps during the Justice Session. Nobody gets within 50 feet of him during that time. There are guards front and back of him. He could get a good rest and they'd never know. All he has to do is raise his hand yes or no. Balin would only have to wake him up and say, "Raise your right hand, or raise your left hand." Hugging. That's another thing. He loves to wrap me in the pelt, especially if he's wearing it. "Where was I? Oh yeah, when did I first notice that Arkenstone was gone? " In truth, it was Thorin who first mentioned it. He'd asked her where Arkenstone was. Had she sent it down to get it polished? She was speechless. "Thorin, please don't joke with me. Tell me you have Arkenstone." Thorin was beside himself. Arkenstone was priceless. It's worth and meaning to Thorin were beyond words or value. The dwarves had once lost Erebor and everything they owned because of that stone. He almost lost everything including his life for that rock. If not for a single side step he'd have died during the Battle of the Five Armies. Even then, it took months to recover from all the wounds, despite the help from Gandalf and Radagast's forest concoctions. "Okay, let's take this slow. When was the last time we saw it? We had it the night of the celebration. We had it the day after that because I took it to try to get some information on those two rogue dwarves." "I don't remember seeing it after that. I thought you still had it." "No, I put it back because I was worried about those two and what they might try to do." "But you're here, they aren't that stupid." "Not stupid, exactly, just not too smart. About a half an ounce shy of a pound of Old Toby. Think about it. We've been having those little fires here and there, no damage, just annoying. Then little things missing around some of the shops. Nothing expensive, just odds and ends. Dwalin thinks it's them testing the security. Seeing where its weaknesses are. What they don't know is its under Dwalin's command. There are no weaknesses." "What makes you think Arkenstone is still in the mountain?" "They can't take it out of the Mountain. They don't know how. It's the Heart of this place. The only reason Bilbo was able to take it out to give it to Bard and King Thranduil was because he was wearing the One Ring and it had power over everything. Arkenstone never had a chance. It can't be separated from the Mountain any more than our hearts can be separated from our bodies. Now speaking of bodies, why don't you bring yours over here and put it up against mine and we'll see if we can't start a fire of our own." Just then, someone knocked. Thorin threw his Goblin dagger and embedded it to its hilt into the door. "Right. Understood. Nice shot by the way, your majesty," came a voice from the other side. "I'm interrupting. I'll just nip back later and retrieve my hat." Later Thorin was sharpening his knives and arrowheads, having removed the Goblin dagger from the door and Lady Oakenshield sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "Why does everyone always want to kill me?" Lady Oakenshield smiled at the thought then frowned. Maybe it wasn't so funny after all. "Thorin, I think I might need a guardian when I'm not with you, or I need to be with you all the time." Thorin put down the knife and the whetstone. "That's why you are my heart's desire. You know just what to say." He gently pushed her back down on the bed, knives, arrows, and rogue dwarves forgotten. Well at least for a few minutes until someone knocked on the door again. "I am going to kill the next person who knocks on the door. I am going to put my arm through the door, strangle them, and bring their body through the hole. Then I will kill them, again. Who is it?" "Your Highness, there's been an accident." Thorin jumped out of bed and was half-dressed before Lady Oakenshield could untangle herself from the sheets and reach for her clothes. "Who?" shouted Thorin, frantically trying to close belt buckles and tie laces at the same time. "Dwalin, your majesty. They ambushed him. He's hurt real bad. Balin sent for you. Gandalf's on his way." 'Please no, not Dwalin," his childhood cousin-friend who was more of a brother to him than Frerin. A brother who'd stood side by side with him in more battles than he could remember, drank more beer with him than he should have, and carried him home drunk more times than he carried Dwalin home. He headed for the door while Lady Oakenshield was still dressing. "Wait, I'm coming with you!" "No, please stay here. I need you to get my chambers ready for Dwalin. I'm bringing him back here." "Thorin?" "Please do this for me. I will be right back with my cousin. No one is going to touch him but Gandalf and me." Thorin ran out the door still buckling pants and tying his shirt. She went into Thorin's chambers to try to make some sense of the mess he'd usually left it in. She knew one thing for certain, the bed was made, and the sheets were clean. The perfect example of masculinity never slept in here. Thank the gods of Valinor. "Get on with the job, you trollop. Can't you keep your mind on anything except a dalliance with a certain Dwarf King? I can't help myself. It has little to do with his beautiful face. It has little to do with his velvet voice. It has little to do with the way he looks at me. I come in here and I am overwhelmed by him. He's every where. He's on everything. He is everything in this room. He is the strength in the weapons, the knives, the swords, the shields. He is the power in the family crests, the longevity of the Durin line. He is the feel of music when he plays his golden harp. Had I never met him, I would not be less. I would still be the same person, doing the same things I do. With him, I am more of what I am. I want to be more of me. I enjoy being the me I am when I am with him. So, now that I've finished having a rather serious and lengthy conversation with myself, I guess I better do something with these weapons." Lady Oakenshield grabbed a stack of arrowheads and shoved them in the closet. She stacked the swords in the corner against the wall and was just finished hanging the last of the shields back on its hanger, when one of Thorin's guards opened the door. "Milady," Thorin carried Dwalin in and laid him in the bed she'd prepared. Gandalf followed them in. "How is he?" she grabbed Gandalf's arm. "He'll live," said Dwalin. She turned and saw Dwalin's eye flutter open. "Sorry, Thorin. They blind-sided me." Gandalf smiled. "Works every time." "So that's what coming back from Mandos feels like. I always wondered how it felt when you opened your eyes up there on the aerie during the Quest. Never wanted to ask, I was just glad to see you sit up." "Feeling's mutual, my cousin. So tell me how some rogue dwarves got the jump on the mighty Dwalin." "They used Grendel, the little monster. Sent a message they were in the dungeon being starved. As you know, she and I, well, Frerin doesn't, you, well, anyway she came on rather strong and before I knew what was happening she had me in one of the storerooms. I was trying to get away and the next thing I know, I'm being attacked from three sides by, I don't know what. You have to understand she had my cape wrapped around my legs and my battle jacket around my elbows. I couldn't get to my axes, they were laying on a table across the room. A sack was jerked over my head and tied around my neck, a little too tight I might say. That's when I blacked out. Next someone is pulling the sack off and pushing me off the top of Durin's statue. That's all I remember until I heard Lady Oakenshield's voice. I need to go see Frerin and Grendel. Now." "I agree. I'm going with you." "No you're not. I need to talk to them. I don't need to bury them, laddie. Yet. We still have to find Arkenstone and they're our only link to it. Why don't you stay here and have something to eat with Lady Oakenshield. She looks famished. Gandalf and I will take care of Frerin and Grendel." horin had been ready to argue until a chance to be alone with Lady Oakenshield was handed to him. "Well, if you insist. I'll stay here. I don't like it, but it's probably better, and I am hungry." Lady Oakenshield coughed to keep from laughing delightedly that she was going to get some time alone with Thorin. Everyone seemed anxious to leave Thorin's chambers after that. He locked the door and stared at her. "Now then, my most precious thing, what shall we do? Shall we break bread, or shall we just devour each other?" She considered his question as she started toward her chambers untying her bodice as she went. Halfway across the floor she let her dress drop and stepped out it. "We'll have lunch in my chambers." It was clear he was agreeable, since he met her at door, and his clothes were in a pile behind her. No one bothered them for more than two hours, although they kept waiting for the bang. When it finally came, they were ready. They were robed, sitting at the table having a light meal. It was Dwalin. "Sorry to interrupt, Thorin, but I can't find Frerin and Grendel. They've disappeared and taken a trunk with them. They took one of the coaches, no drivers, just the coach and a team." "If Marigary and Justony are with them they won't get past the gate. Arkenstone will stop them. Then we'll have them and Arkenstone." Everyone had known they were still hidden in the mountain somewhere. They'd not been seen at their house for at least a week which would be just about the time Arkenstone went missing. It was obvious now that Grendel had heard from them. It was only a matter of time before they were found, but until then, they continued to cause havoc around the small royal village inside the mountain, and interrupt Thorin and Lady Oakenshield's limited time together. Now this. "Let's go see about setting up some traps of our own." "Right, laddie. My thoughts exactly." "I'll be back as soon as I can, my joy." Thorin strapped on what Lady Oakenshield thought might be a bit of overkill on the weapons side, but she kept silent. He was taking no chances of getting hurt himself. "Will you excuse us, I'll be right there, just want to say good-bye." "Should I start without you?" "Don't get smart with me, you overgrown dwarf. I can still take you in a fair fight." "Who said anything about fighting fair." "Get out." "I'll head toward the armory. At your service, Lady Oakenshield." "Good-bye and I'm very glad you're okay, Dwalin. Come to dinner soon." Dwalin closed the door behind him. "Give us a kiss good-bye." "A kiss to make you forget your name or a kiss to make you want to do a good job and hurry back?" "Oh gods," Thorin moaned deep in his chest. "Why would you give me that kind of choice, now? You are evil, truly, deeply evil." "A simple good-bye, come back soon, kiss it is then." She kissed him lightly on the cheek and stepped away. "Bye honey, come home soon." She danced away tittering as he grabbed for her. He was on her in two steps, swept her up and kissed her as if he might never see her again. Then just to make sure he did it right, he kissed her that way again and laid her down on the bed. "Bye honey, I'll be home soon." She grabbed for him. He danced away, laughing his deep throated laugh as he closed the door. She growled. "Serves you right, you doxy. Teach you to tease a man such as he." It was getting late and Thorin had not yet returned. Lady Oakenshield was pacing her chambers. "Well, instead of moping about not being with that gorgeous specimen of dwarfhood, why don't you seek him out?" Lady Oakenshield spun around, startled by the voice. There was no one there. "Who's there? Come out now, or I start screaming and bringing the entire Dwarf guard down on your sorry hide." "No need for that, Lady Oakenshield, and I can't come out. I'm stuck in your girdle." "Beg your pardon? "Stuck in my corselette?" "Yes, and unless you get something to pry me out, I'm stuck here for the duration." Lady Oakenshield walked into her closet expecting to see a little man wrapped in the hammered gold belt she sometimes wore. The one with the replica of the Arkenstone in it. It lay as it always did on a black velvet stand, no man, of any size within sight. "I'm going mad," she sighed, "absolutely dotty." "I wouldn't be so sure of that, milady." She jumped back. "Let me explain. I am not a replica. I am a piece of the original Arkenstone, what is known as a xenolith. I am part in it, but not of it. I was made into the belt to keep you safe when you were away from the Arkenstone. You and I are connected because you love Thorin and Thorin is connected to the Arkenstone." "But Arkenstone can't talk as you can." "Are you sure? Have you ever ask it to talk, or have you just assumed because it was a stone it couldn't talk. You didn't think it could show you pictures or play music for you either until it did. Why shouldn't it talk?" "Then why hasn't it told us where it's being held? "Think about that for a minute. It speaks to you. They hear it. They shatter Arkenstone and sell it in pieces to the highest bidders. Even if you can't take the piece out of the mountain, think of the ramifications of having a window to the world, however small it might be. Middle Earth would be thrown into Chaos the likes of which we have not seen since Melkor destroyed the two lamps of the Valar." "Oh, I never thought of that!" Lady Oakenshield left to get one of Thorin's knives to pry Xenolith out of the belt. As she started to put the knife underneath the edge, it said, "no don't take me out!" Wear the girdle! That way no one will suspect I'm leading you to Arkenstone." "We have to tell Thorin about this. He'll never forgive me if I get myself in trouble and he doesn't know where I am." "Okay, but no one else, not even Dwalin. You're going to have to lure him away from the group. Can you do that?" "No, he doesn't like me very much. What do you think?" "Sorry." "Wear something he likes." "He likes me better in nothing." "You're a saucy one aren't you?" "Now I'm sorry." "Don't be. I like saucy." Lady Oakenshield chose a gauzy dress that would look inviting with the belt. She removed the laces leaving it open for easy access. She wanted Thorin distracted as quickly as possible. "Do you know where he is right now?" Xenolith went silent and dark. "He's in the lower halls below the jewel room. They're just finishing up opening one of the counting rooms. Oh what a trap. They've made it look like it's locked, but that the lock is not as secure as it should be, easily broken. Once inside, a secret cell door slides down and they are caught inside with no where to go. A spell freezes them so they can't damage Arkenstone if they are carrying it. Magnificent! Let's go, I wouldn't want to miss this if they should choose this room to spend the night in." Lady Oakenshield picked up the belt and fastened it around her waist. She found Thorin and his merry band of security dwarves packing up tools and clearing away trash. "What would you.." Thorin's voice caught in his throat as he noticed Lady Oakenshield's garb for the first time. "What are..who is...um..come with me!" He nearly pulled her arm out of its socket dragging her down the hallway. He stopped at the first door he found unlocked and stepped in. "Hello, sweetheart, I thought I'd stop by and see how much longer you were going to be. I was wondering if I should go to bed all by myself, alone with no one else there. You know that great big bed, the one in my chambers?" "I've heard rumors of it." "Would you like to see it for yourself?" "Do you always invite strange men into your chambers when your mate is the King Under the Mountain?" "Only men who look like you. I'd be willing to suffer the wrath of my mate to have you in my chambers." "Really? Why?" "Let me show you something first." She walked over and locked the door. "Lady Oakenshield I don't quite think he understood you." "Who in Durin's name said that?" Thorin twisted around grabbing his pelt and wrapping it around his waist. Lady Oakenshield giggled. "That's what I wanted to show you. King Thorin Oakenshield meet Xenolith, a part in Arkenstone, yet not of it. Xenolith, Thorin Oakenshield, the King Under the Mountain and King of the Dwarves." "At your service, your majesty." "At yours, Xenolith. Well, I will be as soon as I get dressed." "No worries, your Highness. This will take but a minute of your time and I'll be gone from your presence until you call me." "Very well." "Arkenstone is here on this level. They've broken it out of the crystal box and have it locked up in a metal box. Right now, they're tired, hungry and looking for a place to sleep. Taking on Dwalin took a tremendous amount of energy. Arkenstone has been slowly draining it from them every time they open the box to look at it. It's guiding them to the trap." "Has everyone left?" "Yes, your Highness. The corridor is quite empty. It looks like no one's been down there in a hundred years. They did a great job." "We will see." "Now if you will excuse me, I'll see if I can communicate with Arkenstone and let it know that we are close and are trying to get to it. At your service, your Highness, Lady Oakenshield." Xenolith went dark. "Now what are you planning to do with that pelt, Thorin?" He dropped it and opened his arms to her. They were just drifting off when they heard the clang of metal against rock. "Got 'em!" Thorin sat up. "Remind me to get the housekeeper to put pillows in every closet in every room in the mountain. This floor is hard." moaned Lady Oakenshield. "I hadn't noticed." "You sleep on the ground when you're on a quest. Of course you wouldn't notice." "Ha, that's where you're wrong. Why do you think I have a pelt? It's not just because I look so good in it, although I do, don't I?" "Arrogant dwarf." "That would be me, and you wouldn't have me any other way. Should we go see what we caught?" They dressed quickly and as they were leaving, Lady Oakenshield called for Xenolith. "We need you to keep watch for us. We're going to see the captives." "It's them and they have Arkenstone. It's safe and unharmed, anxious to get out of the metal box and back in its proper place. Your majesty, watch yourself. Justony's got a knife hidden in his left boot. He reaches it through his pocket. Marigary has a garrote wrapped in her hair. It looks like a fancy ribbon attached to the bird's wing. It's in the back of her head. You can't see it unless you're standing behind her. She can reach it by putting her hand to her neck. Frerin and Grendel are just scared. They realize now they have been duped. Frerin has a small dagger at his waist that he's fingering, but he'll give it to you as soon as he sees you. That's when the other two are going for their weapons. If they can't get to you they're going for Lady Oakenshield and Princess Grendel. Ignore him. Get Grendel out of the cell. Lady Oakenshield do not go in the cell with the king. Stay as far away from the door as possible. There are security dwarves hiding along the corridor ready for your signal. Good luck." "To us all." Thorin reached over and wrapped Lady Oakenshield in his pelt. "Are you sure you don't want to wait here for us? You are the most important part of me and right now even I can't guarantee your safety." "Then we die as one for there would be no whole if you were ever taken from me." "Then take my Goblin dagger and do not hesitate to use it on anyone who gets too close. Well, except me of course." "You could never get too close." Thorin gave that deep throated moan she craved, the one that always caused her legs to go weak. "Do we have to go see them immediately?" she hummed against his chest as she turned around inside the pelt. Had anyone been within 100 yards of that small room, they would have wondered at the sound of metal falling to the floor, as Thorin and Lady Oakenshield divested themselves of weapons and clothes in record time, caring little for the lack of pillows. They walked to the counting room. "Hello, brother, brother-wife, Marigary, worm. What are you doing in my one of my counting rooms that you have no business being in, on a level that you have no business being on?" "Is that what this is?" Frerin tried to make light of a very bad situation. He knew he was not going to get out of this unscathed. He and Grendel were going to be very lucky if they were just banished from Erebor, the Iron Mountains, and possibly even the Blue Mountain dwarf clans. "I see no coin nor jewels. How was I to know this was a counting room.? I was trying to get to Grandfather's tomb to show Marigary and wor...Justony, its magnificent structure." "Frerin, King Thror's tomb is in the main hall. Everyone knows that. You can't come into the Mountain without paying homage to King Durin and Grandfather before you are allowed in. Do I need to send you back to Cartographers' School to learn how to read the diagrams to the mountain again?" As they were talking, Lady Oakenshield was carefully motioning for Grendel to move closer to the door. That way when Thorin finally decided to open the door she could be removed from the cell, leaving only Frerin to extract. Marigary and Justony weren't going anywhere. Then it would just be a small matter of getting that metal box Marigary was standing on. Thorin had no problem cutting her feet off to get to it, although it would leave a mess on the counting room floor and Gloin always complained when he didn't clean up his mess. He smiled at the thought of telling Gloin, "Didn't you say you wanted two more feet of space. Well there's two feet." He wasn't sure Gloin would find it as funny as he did. He'd have to find a cleaner way to get the box. "Would you like to tell me what's in the box, Marigary?" "None of your business. It's mine and you can't have it." "Maybe there's something you don't understand about the Mountain, Marigary. I am the King Under the Mountain. If I say I want it, I get it. Period. There is no discussion. There is no bartering. You give it to me. Now, let's try this again. Thorin put on his best "Thorin tilted head looking through the eyelashes" look. Marigary was transfixed by the Durin blue eyes and was lost forever. Her mouth went dry, her heartbeat increased, every nerve ending screamed. She couldn't breathe. Unfortunately for her the same thing was happening to Justony. There was no one to rescue her. "What is in the box Marigary?" Justony launched himself at Marigary, knocking her off the box. "It's Arkenstone! She made me do it!" Marigary grabbed Justony's ears and started banging his head on the floor. "It's Arkenstone! He made me do it! Thorin looked down just in time to see Frerin crawling toward him. "It's Arkenstone! They made me do it!" Grendel was trying to climb the bars of the cell door. "It's Arkenstone! They made me do it!" Thorin was grateful he was still on the other side of the cell door. "Want to turn it off, now, Thorin." "Sorry, I almost mesmerized myself." "I'm delighted one of us kept their head," Lady Oakenshield smirked. "The question is, who's going to go in there and rescue Arkenstone?" "I think you're going to have to, my heart's radiance. I'm not sure I'd be safe in there with them still spellbound." "Coward. You've fought Orcs, Goblins, Trolls, and any number of Middle Earth beasts. You're afraid of 4 dwarves, three that are half your size." "I'm afraid of you." Lady Oakenshield erupted into a fit of laughter. "As well you should be. I hold the key to your life long happiness." "You are the key to my life long happiness." "Okay, I'll get Arkenstone, then let's get out of here. We'll leave them here for Dwalin to do with what he will. I could care less, even about Frerin and Grendel. I've really had enough of their escapades!" "I think I'll send them to Dain for a while. Maybe he can scare some sense into them. Now that is settled, I'll get Dwalin. Then what do you say to going back to our chambers." "I was thinking of jumping on you, ripping that pelt off and undoing that buckle..." Lady Oakenshield coughed. "Sorry, I forgot where I was for a moment..."