Unknowingly Yours

1

"Ryeong, do you think true love really exist?" I stare at the stars.

My best friend and I are laying down on the hood of my car to watch the stars. This is something we do from time to time when we feel like life is becoming too much to bear. We spend all night, just talking about our feelings, our problems and let everything out.

"I want to believe it does but it probably doesn't. I think it's too fairytale like to be true" she clicks her tongue.

"Have you ever been in love?" I ask.

"If I have then you would have been the first to know" she chuckles.

Chaeryeong and I have been friends for a long time now. We were both in the dance team in school. We also live together since it's cheaper to share a place with someone. She can probably afford to live on her own but I think she agreed to live with me to help.

My parents disowned me after I told them that I'm gay. Chaeryeong's family was kind enough to take me in even though I wasn't comfortable the whole time I was there. I felt like I was a burden to them. They never said or did anything to make me that way. It's just something that I can't help but feel. They have been more like my parents than my actual ones.

But as soon as I turned 18, I moved out. They tried to convince me to stay but it just didn't seem right. They already had three kids to support and I didn't want to add to it. I got a job working in a factory to support myself then Chaeryeong said she wanted to live together.

I do have a sister but she still lives at home. We stay in contact and we're pretty close. She wanted to leave and be with me but I told her to stay. At least take advantage of the fact that they will pay for her college. They don't know that her and I are still in contact with each other.

"Aren't you gonna ask me if I've been in love?" I ask another question.

"Nope" she answers.

"What? Why not?" I sit up and look down at her.

"Because I know the answer. You probably will say yes because you truly believe that you've been in love even if you haven't. You get attached to people easily. Whenever someone shows you kindness, you start liking them already" she stops speaking then she sits up as well.

"Remember when you were dating that one girl that took advantage of your kindness?" She ask me.

"Which one?" I furrow my brows.

"Exactly. You're so afraid that people would leave you that you are willing to change and sacrifice yourself to be with them even if it's not good for you."

"Where is all this coming from? I didn't know this is how you felt" I say.

"Ryujin, you're a good person. You're kind and caring and smart but when you love, you give too much and you get lost in it. There's nothing wrong with loving someone but you have make sure that they're deserving of your love and you save some for yourself" she lays back down.

"How come you've never mentioned this to me before" I lay back down too.

"I thought you would figure it out on your own at some point but I don't think that's possible. Especially after your last relationship."

"I don't think I would have been able to get out of that if it weren't for you" I sigh, remembering those times.

I dated this woman whom at first was amazing but overtime time, she started showing her true self which I didn't recognize was bad until Chaeryeong had a serious conversation with me about it at the police station.

Looking back now, I realize she was crazy and possessive and obsessed. Not every good combination apparently.

She would get upset even when I hang out with Chaeryeong. She gets jealous when my sister and I talk on the phone. Sometimes our fights got so bad that she would actually threaten to stab me. I did try to break up with her a few times because it was affecting my mental health but somehow I always end up the one apologizing to her.