Camp Paradis || Jean Kirstein

Was This A Joke

  Reiner didn't come back to the house that night. So, I made sure that I got up early enough to make sure that I could catch him in the walk-of-shame act. So, like the better fucking person I'm trying to be, I woke up at four in the morning, dragged my ass to the living room and waited.

I didn't really know how to approach this topic delicately. Technically, Reiner hadn't come out so no one was supposed to know. What was I supposed to say to him? He's barely spoken to me since we got here and now I was trying to pry a deep secret out of him in hopes that I can help him get out of this relationship with me. Maybe I should have thought about what I was going to say, or at least think about what tone I wanted this conversation to take.

  I sat on the couch until around four thirty when I heard quiet footsteps tip toe up the stairs of the home. Finally. I crawled across the couch and turned on the lamp on the side table right as the door opened.

  I stood up and Reiner flinched at the sudden brightness. His eyes squinted and when he opened them back up, fear flashed over his face that made him look like a deer caught in headlights. He stayed as still as a statue in the opened door and I could see it in his eyes that he was already running through every excuse he could come up with.

  "Come inside." I said. I motioned for him to step inside with my fingers and he did without blinking. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it with his hands behind his back, "I need to talk to you." I could see his chest was beginning to heave, but he was doing surprisingly well at appearing calm.

  "What is it?" he asked.

  "I want you to know that you can be honest with me." I started. That seemed like a good way to steer the conversation, "I'm heartless but not a monster." I sat back down and patted the leather couch. It took him a minute but he finally pushed off of the door and walked with hesitation to the other end of the couch, sitting as far away from me as possible, "Where have you been this last week, Reiner?" he wiped the palms of his hands on his pants, thinking about his answer as he looked at me, "I know you've been with someone." I tried to lead him. I didn't need to him to say it if he didn't want to, but I needed to make sure we were on the same page.

  "Look, Beckett," he was quick on the defense, "it isn't like that."

  I rolled my eyes, "I know that you've been sleeping around our entire relationship." I told him and his eyes widened before they showed signs of relief like it was something he didn't have to carry anymore, "And I don't care. The both of us know that we don't want to be together. I was hoping that we could talk about what I want our 'relationship' to look like now that the situation has changed."

His face fell even more as he pieced everything together. He finally knew that I knew, and he shook his head, "I... I don't think that I-"

I leaned forward, "I know who it is Reiner." his mouth dropped and I could see his hairline had started sweating as his face turned red like he was holding his breath, "If you don't want to say it out loud you don't have to, especially if you're not ready. But, if being my fake boyfriend is making you miserable I don't want you to have to follow through with this stupid partnership."

  He swallowed, "Beckett, please don't tell anyone," he started breathing more rapidly, bringing a hand to his chest, "I'm not ready to tell everyone yet."

  I raised my hands up to calm him down, "Hey, calm down." I looked at him sympathetically, "I'm not going to tell anyone, why would I do that? I just want you to relax, ok? You don't have to hide who you are from me, I promise. I just want you to know that I want you to have a happy summer and if that means being public with Bertholdt," he tensed at the mention of his name, "at least around our friends, I want that for you. I don't know them well, but everyone seems like accepting people. You don't have to hide around me and you don't have to hide around them."