It's your choice

Care

LENGTH: long- 1266 words  

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Izzy stayed there on his knees in the captain's chamber for what felt like hours. In his hands cradled the ring he offered to her as a declaration of his feelings for her. Was this not what she wanted after all? He felt like the biggest clown in this circus of a ship. She wanted to stay but felt like he wasn't ready to give her what she needed. Why, why is she leaving him? A hand was placed on his shoulders from above, he then looked up to see it was the tanned hand of Ed. Behind him stood the co-captain Stede, who looked concerned. 

  Ed looked to Stede and the blonde began to leave, letting them be alone. Izzy was appreciative of that small gesture. It was already bad enough that the dog had seen his teary face. 

  "Get up, man," said Ed, patting his shoulder and moving to the couch. "Come, sit."

  Izzy put his ring back in his pocket and slowly stood up as his head was spinning. "Is that an order, Captain?" he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel the beat of his broken heart, pulsing through his skull. 

  "Noo..." said Ed curiously. 

  "Then I don't wanna hear it." Izzy snapped. Even though he didn't bite, it still hurt Ed very harshly.

  "What if it was a request from a friend?" 

  Friend. Friend. He was absolutely sick of that stupid fucking word. "I need some fucking air." he mumbled. He tried to exit the cabin, but quick as a wink, Ed held his wrist tight and spun him to face him. Izzy expected his eyes to be fueled with fire but instead filled with water. 

  "What happened to you, mate?" The question was burdened in Ed's mind for many years, concern lacing his voice. 

  "Esa estupida Mujer!" 

  Ed's eyes were glazed with sadness. He paused before speaking again. "Iz, you've been different for a long while but I think you already know that. Before her, before all this." he gestured his hand to the room. "We used to be the best of mates. I don't know how or why..." he sighed. "...I don't know why you can't be happy like us for once." 

  Izzy backed up and was now filled with pure rage. "Well, someone has to clean up you stupid fucking messes! You haven't wanted this for fucking years! Piracy is just a big fucking joke to you and now Bonnet is just the icing on the stupid fuckin' shitty ass cake!" he gestured violently and Ed took a step back. "It's not me who's fucking unhappy, it's you! You're not fucking satisfied with your stupid fucking perfect life that I have to perfectly fucking maintain so you don't go off the fucking deep end! Do you how much fucking time I give to make you happy? And don't chu dare get me started on how many times I've had to clean up your stupid fucking messes every fucking time you get hurt! Let's not forget that Calico Jack fiasco a few years back!" 

  That one pricked Ed. What a nasty parting that was, but they were still friends after that. Izzy continued his needed rant. 

  "You pretend to be Blackbeard to hide safely in the darkness but you go back to being stupid Ed fucking Teach when things start to clear up! I have no other 'identities' or 'personas' because I am genuine! I'm not a fucking pussy to be myself! That's how I am, real, honest, and never fucking fake!" 

  Izzy began to shake with anger. 

  "I am perfectly satisfied following you around to make sure you're safe and content, but don't chu dare for a fucking second think you should have any fucking say on how I should live my stupid fucked up goddamned life!"

  "I never said that, Iz. I never asked for you to do that either. You are my first mate, yes, but you are also my friend. I don't need you to protect me all the time anymore. The crew of this ship? They care about me. Stede cares the most, especially. So if something goes wrong, I know I can count on him and them, to cover my back. It doesn't just have to be you anymore..." 

  He paused. 

  "Iz...these people could do the same if you stop being such a fucking dick. If you get your head out of your own ass, you'd see that. We used to rely on each other only because we had no one else to trust. And that was cool. That was the job. But it's not like that anymore. We're finally in a safe space. I'm happy here, at least." he put his hand on his shoulder. "And I want you here. But I want you here for yourself. Not for me anymore, just out of duty. I want you here because it makes you happy." he looked at Izzy dead in the eye wherever he said this. "Because the people on board this ship make you happy." 

  Izzy felt his eyes filling up again, but this time with tears. He hid his face in his hands. "But she's...not gonna be on board anymore..." 

  "And you're just gonna let her go? Off in the night like dust? Or are you gonna grab your happiness by the fuckin' balls and take it like a real pirate?"

  Izzy cleaned himself up the best he could. His face was still teary but with an expression of determination. 

  "Thanks, boss."

  "It's just Ed now, Iz." he smiled and gave his shoulder a pat. "Always have, always will." 

  Izzy could feel his eyes on the border of tears again, so he returned the pat on his arm and nodded goodbye. He then turned and walked above deck for some fresh air. He hoped to find some purity in the sea air and to sober up a bit before heading to bed. He then sat on a wooden crate by the wooden mast and laid his head against it, looking up, knowing she was up in the little crow's nest. 

  Inside his pocket, the ring burned a hole in the clothing the way he thought about it. He didn't dare bring it out for the rest of the night. A long time ago, it was given to him by a nobleman, a lover, as a proposal of his love to him, but never went through with it due to being hanged by the town whenever finding out about Izzy. Izzy never loved anyone after that and kept the ring as a remembrance of his sacrifice to him. This was before Izzy's piracy, but he still took really great care of it, polishing it when needed and taking time to make sure to see its delightful glimmer like the first time his nobleman got down on one knee and presented it passionately. But, he knew his nobleman wanted him to be happy, even if it means to move from him. His heart ached, remembering his sweet mocha face. He knew he wasn't taking great care of his heart as he did with his cherished ring. His heart had been blunted, tired down, and worn out after many decades of keeping it locked away. But, he didn't have to do that anymore. His heart and ring no longer had to be chained up to something. He wanted to have his heart worn on his leather vest and his ring put upon her finger- not his black tie ever again. 

  For the first time in eternity, Israel Hands was free.