Being Happy

Part Four...

Part Four...

Violet...

"I'm sorry kid but we don't have anything at the moment, we appreciate your time but there just isn't any positions open, maybe try next door." This was stupid. I wanted a job, although I didn't need one, I wanted one so I wouldn't be so bored. Yes I had quit high school so I could write but sat at home I felt trapped. Felt like I was in a prison cell.
"Are you sure? I came in only a few days ago and got the application." I insist looking around the small cafe, I had spoken to an older lady a few days ago that took me under her wing and even offered me a cup of coffee. However this man stood in front of me now, decked out in a crisp blue polo and apron with a brand tag with 'Jo-Jo' on it, his head slightly balding and this eyes in a critical sneer; he was not so welcoming, he hadn't let go of the suspected gun under the counter as he grabbed my details with the other, he had barely glanced at it before dismissing me.
"Listen kid, life is hard, by the looks of you- get used to it. Now can you please leave?" the man insists with a hard glare, his reaction probably one of the best I've had in a long time. I had been through the motions, from call workers to dog walkers each and every attempt was shot down.

It was my own fault really, my mother's words, the ones she used to scream at Mr before she became ill, haunted my soul and walked in my shadow. 'You will never get anywhere in life Violet, this is the real world now and you need to fit in.' Her words were like an electric shock this fizzed and sizzled till it reached my brain imbedding it inside and creeping out at every opportunity possible.
"Thanks anyway." I grumble sinking back into my warm hoodie, I give a nod to the man and finally see him move his hand away from under the counter as I turn and head out the door announcing my sorrowful exit with the chime of a bell overhead.

Feeling my sneaker clad feet hit the hardness of the slab concrete of the main street creaking a symphony of squeaks, thuds and scuffs. The grey floor is scattered with chewing gum, cigarette butts and litter that used to be a game to me, as a child I would avoid them walking on my tip toes but now I let my feet stomp over every imperfection not giving a care. I used to walk the streets holding my mother's hand and wave at everyone I saw even if I got a scowl back, oh how sweet and innocent I once was, I never thought I would be the one giving a scowl.
With a sigh I run my delicately coral painted fingers through my whispy lightly curled hair and bite at my lip, I had regretted wearing a nice flimsy shirt with jeans in this cold weather, feeling the cold wind rush around my ears and across my neck I shiver as I walk into the small pet store. Instantly I spot a couple of husky pups in a pen waggling their tails and jumping up trying to escape; I inwardly 'awww' and restrain myself from going over and taking them all; their little yaps make a small giggle escape my chest as I turn to look around spotting the arrays of insects, reptiles, a tank full of fish and a window display of tabby kittens.
"Can I help you?" I hear a voice from behind me making me jump and turn startled holding my hand to my chest as I meet the eyes of a middle age woman with salt and pepper hair tied into a messy bun and bright blue eyes that clash with her aqua uniform.
"Umm, I just came in to see if you had any job openings?" I say awkwardly, I had never been good with confrontation, I was very antisocial in the aspect of 'if you don't talk to me them I won't talk to you'. The brightness of the room clashed with everything else, it was like one big headache and probably the only store with so much colour on the whole block.
"I don't think we do, honey, I am really sorry. It's such hard times. How old are you sweetie?" she asks leaning on a display decorated in doggy paws and pet collars.
"I'm eighteen ma'am." I tell her a little nervously as I fiddle with my fingers like a shy school girl, I'm never really sure to believe people when they tell me things like that; in a town like this 'don't judge a book by it's cover' isn't a common phrase.
"Aren't you going to college?" she looks me up and down, being barely 5ft I looked more like a 12 year old than being fully graduated; I had baby fat and pudge making me look rounder and cherub-like.
"No ma'am." I say looking guiltily at the floor. No matter how many times I had been asked that question I still looked away like I was waiting for judgement.
"Maybe you should look for places that want people to gain experience, I'm sure there is some programme out there?" she says, I know she's trying to be nice but now that I know she has nothing I kind of just want to leave and go curl up somewhere with my ruined future.
I just wanted to be accepted even if it meant I had to deal with rejection in every direction. At that point the sound of a phone began to rattle through the pregnant pause cutting off the moment and freeing me of having a drawn out awkward conversation. The lady snaps to attention from her dreamlike gaze she had over me, she blushes and motions that she has to go out back to get it. "Thank you again ma'am." I say as I head out the door with a pace I would use if a snake had escaped the tank and began to chase after me. I hated snakes and the blue eyes of the woman resembled how cutting they were, venomous yet sly enough to look harmless.

I must have patrolled the streets aimlessly for hours, day had gotten darker and colder blowing up for a terror that was strong enough to sweep me away. Every store I stepped into I was turned away, I had even angrily kicked the side of a store and pulled at my hair. I knew Chase would be angry, he wanted me to sit at home and be a cute little house wife. But I wanted to be something, sure I didn't want to be a lawyer like my parents but that didn't mean giving up all together.

As I walked the streets I faded in with the background, I fit with the dull black scenery and was lost amongst the pain and poverty of everyday life. Even the rain allowed me to cover up my tears, the wind hitting it against my soft porcelain skin like claws ripping at my cheeks, my black hoodie absorbing every droplet of ice cold rain freezing me to the bone. I cried for the innocence of the girl who was never afraid, I cried for my future and my past, and I prayed for a new beginning. A chance.
I raised my face up to the sky contorted in pain, I let sobs rattle my body and as my eyes opened up I let the thunder and lightning consume me. Why? That's all I could ask- why?
'You are a shame to this family Violet, a shame, you will never get anywhere in life, you will never make it in the real world.' My mothers bitter words filled with poison flooded my head with my vision of tears.
'The world doesn't revolve around you now Violet, you have to go and get out there while you can. Don't mess it up and be a dead man walking. Don't be like me.' My drunken father had once told me.
Those last words linger in my head as I step up to our house, the house that was not a home. I can see Chase in the window, he's looking out scowling at me. he's waiting and watching. He watches as my soggy wet form walks up the drive way. This is it. The storm that was waiting, brewing since we walked.
And with a deep breath I open the door.