Being Happy

Part Six...

Part Six

Chase...

She's gone. I can't believe she left me. The moment I saw the broken look on her face I felt like crumbling to the floor and begging for forgiveness. I don't know why I didn't. She'll come back to me, she has to. I love her. What have I done?  I had been walking the streets for over an hour, trying to see if she had pulled up somewhere. I needed to find her, I needed to apologise and beg for her to take me back. I had never dared to touch her before but for some reason I had lost it, I was scum... I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the - the fungus that feeds on pond scum. Lower. The pus that infects the mucous... that cruds up the fungus... that feeds on the pond scum.

I had promised her I would never hurt her and I did just that.

With a burning hate firing in my body I find myself at Remy and Shaw's place, the rain had stopped but I was still covered in the dirty grimy water that lingered on my body in its aftermath. Something didn't feel right. It wasn't the wet clothes or the guilt pulsing through my veins; it was something more, something powerful that make my brain ache and my spine prickle. It made me feel sick and lost.

I needed something to numb the pain just a little more. It seemed like alcohol had been my only vice since I graduated, for two years I had been pumping the shit through me and not once had I ever hit Violet. The memory of it keeps flashing through my brain, I just wanted it to stop, I just wanted to forget.

"Chase, man, what are you doing here?" Remy asks as he pulls me into his apartment, a blanket is thrown around my shoulders as I start to shake uncontrollably.

"I need to forget." I mumble as I make my way through the small open plan apartment onto the couch.

"Forget what? What happened? Is it violet... what happened, did she cheat on you or something?" Shaw joins us from his room, shrugging on a shirt and leaving the door closed sharply behind him, his hair looks like it had had hands tug and run through it and his lips look swollen- well at least someone got laid. I raise my eyebrow at him but he just blushes and looks back to the door.

"I wish." I huff, and then I can't take it anymore; my body betrays me as I break down into large heavy sobs and I crumble into myself like a child as I curl into the foetal position. "She's left me. I'm not good enough for her. I h-hit her." I am sobbing, shaking and bawling as I say this. There is nothing I can do to take back what I did but the thought of me hitting her repeats over and over in my head.

"F*ck. If you weren't my best friend I would kick you in the balls myself." Remy growls out, he was the scary hulk of a guy with a soft heart, a true friend and I knew his past haunted him.

"Shaw, make some coffee, we need to try get him as sober as possible if we want him to make it through tonight." Remy demands as Shaw nods and goes into the kitchen. I am met with silence as Remy perches on the couch to look me in the eyes, he looks worried but he also looks pissed at my actions just as much as I was- this meaning he knew that because of them I would end up hurting myself in order cancel out the mistake I made.

"Listen to me Chase, you are better than this. You can fight this demon in your head, look at where it's got you- look at who you've become. Violet is your life and in your right mind you would never hurt her."

"But I did! I did! I made her see me as the demon I am. I am nothing but poison!" I cut him off with a big yelp and wail of a hopeless man.

"The only poison here is what you give yourself. So drink this and talk some sense because we for sure are not letting you ruin your life." Before I could blink I am forced up and a steaming cup of hot black coffee is shoved in front of my face.

We sit and we wait, we wait till I have thrown up the booze in my stomach and the coffee has sobered me up enough to think straight.

"Screwing up isn't failure. Not trying is." Shaw says quietly looking up at me from under his eyelashes where he sits quietly. He puts a hand on my arm and I give him an appreciative smile.

"I'm sorry you've spent all night looking after me." I sigh as I look at my hands folded up in my lap where I am wearing some spare clothes of Shaw's, even though he was the youngest of us friends he was about my height and build which I was glad. As after my shower he had forced me into them and dried my hair as I just stared blankly in front of me. I had hit rock bottom.

"It's only up from here." I whisper to myself as feel a flutter of hope in my stomach.

But then I see Remy enter the living room with a deep set frown and wide eyes as he holds my phone in his hand moving it from his ear as he places the items from my sodden clothes on the coffee table.

"It's Violet. Something happened." His voice turns the flutter of hope in my stomach into a sinking dread.