Pendulum

8. Save (Izuna)

Patient name: Izuna Uchiha

Date of birth: 13/09/1985

Journal entry: 02/01/2023, doctor's meeting.

Currently: Meeting between doctors of the ward. Care unit consultant, two consultants, two specialists and three specialists in training present. The present topic of discussion is the patient's relationship with co-patient. Some ward staff have expressed that the relationship between the patients is inappropriate and also expressed worry that the two patients will egg each other on if one self-harms. So far, nothing of the sort has happened for either patient, unknown how big the risk would be if one self-harms. The only incidence that has occurred is that they ran away from a compulsory care permission, police unable to find them. Came back after two hours and seemed to have been using those two hours to enjoy themselves. The co-patient told care unit consultant of that week they bathed in a lake and bought ice cream. Since then they have been allowed out on one permission alone after careful consideration by care unit consultant. Uneventful. Came back as planned. In the ward their interaction is mellow, usually current patient plays pool while other patient reads or works on his laptop in the same room. There is deemed to be no harm in the two patients interacting at the moment. On the contrary, both patients are on the betterment, which is particularly remarkable for current patient who has been an in-patient for almost eight months.

Planning: No attempt to separate the two patients. If their interaction is deemed to be damaging for any one of them, a new meeting will be held to discuss further actions. In that case it might be beneficial to separate the two and forbid them to interact. All doctors in the meeting are in agreement. 

It was wonderful.

It was well and truly dream-like.

To see him get better.

I would never forget his desperate screams the day he was admitted. I would never forget how he'd been jabbed and forced to sleep. And I would never forget how sullen he'd seemed that first time he talked to me, when I played pool. He had been polite, yes. But there had been something about his entire demeanour that I could only describe as a wet blanket settling in the entire room. It was heavy. It was for real.

But now...

There was a lightness to the man, a light. He was still like the moon, my moon-man, but he didn't provide a bittersweet gloom but rather a promising glow. Tobirama who was well wasn't loud, or boisterous. Tobirama who was well was soft, caretaking, sure of himself and his place in this world, and by my side. And that personality suited me perfectly.

I had never really missed having a partner. I just couldn't imagine myself with one. I had read about it in books, how it felt being in love, the butterflies, the nerves. It sounded pretty awful, to be honest. But for me, being in love turned out to be nothing like that. Whether it was my diagnosis, or my personality, or the moon-man, I didn't know, but I liked my way of being in love much, much better. For me, being in love was about being calm and deeply, deeply satisfied.

He lay opposite me in my bed in the ward, fully dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt. I saw the fibres in his bicep play as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear over and over; I had it loose for the night. He was looking at me, deep into my eyes, unable to let go. I didn't want him to let go of my eyes. Or any other part of me either, for that matter.

"You know..." he said with his deep voice, such a contrast to mine. "Before I came here... I felt like I was the moon, soaring through the sky and I wanted nothing more but to lay down and rest. But I felt like I was forced. Forced to stay up in the sky against my will. It was the worst feeling in the world. And I took a gun and shot at the moon over and over to make it fall, believing it was a balloon, only to realise it was made of stone." He put his hand to my cheek. "But now... God, I wish I could soar through the sky forever. Because even that wouldn't be enough to get to know every atom of you."