Where Are My Eyes If They're Not Forward?

26.

Carina

As I walk through the doors of Maya's apartment, to hopefully relieve Amelia from her babysitting, I am not surprised to be met by silence. While Maya and Amelia get on as friends, Maya is still uncomfortable being vulnerable around anyone but me to be honest. I never expected to walk into a house full of cathartic sobs and warm soothing words.

The silence peaks my anxiety though, even though I expected it. I refrain from calling out, knowing that if Maya is still in semi-catatonia, she would not appreciate me raising my voice. My accent can be harsh when it is loud. Instead, I reach for my girls' backpack, knowing she picked up my prescription. God knows I need to take the edge off my anxiety.
The little brown bag is right at the top of the bag, but after sticking my hand in, I realise it is just one prescription and bottle of pills of many. Surely it is not....
Maya....

Oh my God.

I scream bloody murder. I think that is the American idiom. I scream so loud I feel my vocal chords tug away from my throat. I can not swallow the sound.
Maya, my Maya, has gathered bottles and bottles of pills. I am not naive. I am assuming the worst. In my experience of Maya thus far, the most destructive assumptions seem to be accurate. I thank the God's that I forced my friends to stay in the apartment with Maya.  

Amelia runs into the lounge, only seconds after the scream started. I drop the bag and the substances. Pills explode all over the floor. The screams continue to bubble up and bounce off the walls and the floor. Amelia grabs me from behind, around my waist and pulls me away from the bag and to the couch.

"She's in your room. She knows you know," Amelia mumbles calmly, stroking my hair like my mama used to. I weep like a baby.

"She's safe Carina. She told me she had the pills. She's unharmed and in her bed. It's self preservation. She hasn't trusted herself to get out of bed. But we know now. I know it's horrible. I know it's shocking and painful and harrowing. But she's in her bed. She is safe Carina."

"I want to see her." I say.

"I know. Let's just cry for a minute first. Maya needs us. She needs you. I think the screaming might have scared her a little, so let's prepare ourselves yeah?"

"I'm going to kick her ass."

Amelia chuckles, telling me that's exactly what Maya thought I'd do.

"How about we surprise her, huh?" She suggests , mumbling a little into my hair before letting me up to pace. I feel the need to move. "Let's save the kicking of ass until she's in a better place. I'm sure a hug would be a nice alternative."

"I don't have it in me."

"You do. You do for the next few hours while we get Diane on the phone."

"Okay. Si," I swallow. "I can keep her safe for a few hours. I can hold her forever."

"It's fine to be overwhelmed," Amelia points out. "It's fine to need a break. Doesn't make you a bad girlfriend."

Amelia has such a nonchalant way of speaking, that is so deeply philosophical and the same time. 

"How are you so calm?"

"I kind of knew it was pills related the second I saw her slightly catatonic. I've had an extra hour to come to terms with this."

"Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Come to terms with this?" I ask.

"Of course not. But I can swallow my screams a little easier. Plus, Maya barely admitted anything. You were the one who found the pills. Speaking of, take your prescription, I am flushing the rest."