before i die Jenny Downham

fourteen

Where do you reckon he gets them from, Zoey? She yawns hugely. Legoland? she says. Toytown? Why are you being so horrible?
She turns on the bed and looks at me. Because hes boring and ugly and youve got me, so I dont know why youre even interested. You shouldnt have asked him for drugs. I told you Id get them.
You havent exactly been around.
Last time I looked, you were flat on your back in hospital and I was visiting you!
And last time I looked, I was only there because you told me to jump in a river!
She sticks her tongue out, so I turn back to the window. Adam got home ages ago, went inside for half an hour, then came back out and started raking leaves. I thought hed have knocked on the door by now. Maybe were supposed to go to him.
Zoey comes to stand beside me and we watch him together. Every time he loads leaves onto the wheelbarrow, dozens of them fly off again in the wind and settle back on the lawn.
Hasnt he got anything better to do?
I knew shed think that. She doesnt have much patience for anything she has to wait for. If she planted a seed, shed have to dig it back up and look at it every day to see if it was growing yet.
Hes gardening.
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She gives me a withering look. Is he retarded? No!
Shouldnt he be at college or something?
I think he looks after his mum.
She looks at me with plotting eyes. You fancy him.
I dont.
You do. Youre secretly in love with him. You know stuff about him you couldnt possibly know if you didnt care.
I shake my head, try to put her off the scent. Shell play with it now, make it bigger than it would have been without her.
Do you stand here every day spying on him?
No.
I bet you do. Im going to ask him if he fancies you back.
No, Zoey!
She runs to the door laughing. m going to ask him if he wants to marry you!
Please, Zoey. Dont mess it up.
She walks slowly back across the room, shaking her head. Tessa, I thought you understood the rules! Never let a bloke into your heart – its fatal.
What about you and Scott? Thats different.
Why?
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She smiles. Thats just sex.
No, its not. When you visited me at the hospital, you could barely drag your eyes from his face.
Rubbish!
Its true.
Zoey used to live her life as if the human race was about to become extinct, like nothing really mattered. But around Scott, she goes all soft and warm. Doesnt she know this about herself?
Shes looking at me so seriously that I grab her face and kiss it, because I want her to smile again. Her lips are soft and she smells nice. It crosses my mind that it might be possible to suck some of her good white cells into me in this way, but she pushes me off before I have a chance to test my theory.
What did you do that for?
Because youre spoiling it. Now go and ask Adam if hes got the mushrooms.
You go.
I laugh at her. Well both go.
She wipes her lips with her sleeve and looks confused. OK, fine. Your bedrooms starting to smell weird anyway.
When Adam sees us coming across the lawn, he puts down his rake and walks over to meet us at the fence. I feel a bit dizzy as he gets closer. The garden seems brighter than before.
This is my friend Zoey.
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He nods at her.
ve heard so much about you! she tells him. And she sighs, a sound that makes her seem small and helpless. Every boy I ever knew thought Zoey was gorgeous.
Is that right?
Oh yes! Tessa talks about you all the time!
I give her a quick kick to shut her up, but she dodges me and swishes her hair about.
Did you get them? I ask, wanting to distract him from her.
He reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a small plastic bag and passes it to me. Inside are small dark mushrooms. They look half formed, secret, not quite ready for the world.
Where did you get them?
I picked them.
Zoey snatches the bag from me and holds it up. How do we know theyre right? They could be toadstools!
Theyre not, he says. Theyre not Death Caps or Destroying Angels either.
She frowns, passes them back to him. I dont think well bother. Were better off with Ecstasy.
Do both, he tells her. These now and E another day. She turns to me. What do you think?
I think we should take them.
But then, Ive got nothing to lose.
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Adam grins. Good, he says. Come over and Ill make some tea with them.
***
Its so clean in his kitchen it looks like something from a show home; theres not even any washing up on the draining board. Its strange how everythings the reverse of our house. Not just the mirror-image room, but the tidiness and the quiet.
Adam pulls out a chair for me at the table and I sit down. Is your mum in? I ask.
Shes sleeping.
Isnt she well?
Shes fine.
He goes over to the kettle and switches it on, gets some cups from the cupboard and puts them next to the kettle.
Zoey screws her face up at him behind his back, then grins at me as she takes off her coat.
This house is just like yours, she says. Except backwards.
Sit down, I tell her.
She picks up the mushrooms from the table, opens the bag and sniffs. Yuk! Are you sure these are right?
Adam takes them from her and carries them over to the teapot. He tips the whole lot in and pours boiling water on them. She follows him and stands watching behind his shoulder.
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