Survivin' - [B.C.]

Chapter 19: Skinny Love

"So, in short; yes," Chloe said.

"We are, indeed, the Happy Time Bandwagon."

========= SURVIVIN' =========

The news shouldn't have come as a shock to me.

She told me in the beginning. The very beginning. She told me that she was going through another vying spree with stage 4 Leukemia. What did stage 4 Leukemia mean?

Death.

And Chloe Fitzgerald was dying.

====================

I stared at her. She kept her head down, looking at anything but my face. My eyes burned as my vision slowly became corrupted by a blinding blur. A tray table adorned with half-eaten food stood between me, standing, and her, in her temporary wheelchair. The room around us felt... I don't know, imaginary. Sort of like she and I were just sitting on a platform suspended high above a pool of lava.

Neither of us said anything for God knows how long. I just stood there, letting hot tears roll down my cheeks, not even bothering to stop or shield them. As much as I could see Chloe, I could also see that she looked angry. Her pallid face had a small red hue to it. Her jaw was clenched firmly, and her lips were drawn tightly together.

I wanted to turn around. To not have to face her. To run away. To leave her here. But my heart weighed me down to that spot. It felt heavier than the oxygen tank I carried on my back. And the feeling of not being able to run away from this was colder than the stolen air that pushed itself into my lungs.

I wasn't ready for it. Her death or my departure, whatever came first, I wasn't ready for it.

I tried to say something. My jaw loosened, my lips parted, and my tongue started to form a sound. But nothing came out. Just a strangled croak. A silhouette of whatever words could have remotely described what I was feeling at that moment. But the words were gone; fleeting. And the feeling was so strong and I couldn't describe it. I couldn't heal the situation.

I couldn't heal her.

A knock sounded from outside the door to Chloe's hospital room, and I booked it into the bathroom. I waited behind the cracked door as someone entered and walked into the room.

"Have you seen Cal?" It was Ben's voice. I heard Chloe take in a deep and bitter breath.

"I thought I did. But... But I guess it wasn't them." She cleared her throat and exhaled.

"Oh," Ben said. "Well, no one can find them. I figured they'd be in here. They aren't answering my texts or calls, and I'm starting to get really worried. Let me know if you see them, will you?"

I can only assume Chloe nodded, because no other sounds ensued except the opening and closing of the main door. I debated on whether or not to leave. I didn't know if either me or Chloe was exactly in the shape to talk it out right now.

"You should... You should probably go," Chloe said from outside the bathroom. "He's really worried about you."

A small "yep" was all that I managed to squeak out before I exited the bathroom, crossed the floor without so much as a glance towards Chloe. I could feel her eyes on me the entire time.

When the door clicked shut behind me and I was out in the hallway, I leaned back against it, sobbing quietly with my hands over my mouth. My body wracked with the force of it. Nurses who walked past me didn't say anything -- they just walked faster. I slid down onto the tile floor, hugging my knees to my chest and burying my face into them.