Survivin' - [B.C.]

Chapter 15: Reset, Reverse, Rewind

But there were still a few things, things that felt like they were slipping further and further away as the days drew on...

========== SURVIVIN' ==========

I remember what it feels like to watch death pass you by.

Every minute, every second feels like just another lie.

But there's a moment of silence where the deception rests.

And there's a moment where you don't have to worry about failing tests.

The ocean swims inside my lungs.

The weight of the world held by strings comes undone.

Lying in a pool of my own blood and tears.

I remember what it's like to be consumed by my fears.

What is it like to choke on regrets?

What is it like when you start to forget?

How to breathe, how to feel, how cry, how to scream...

For help, and the echo sounds like a dream.

Lights and tables blind and batter.

The chaos ensues as my thoughts start to scatter.

My chest constricts and my throat closes up.

All of this struggle, this pain, and for what?

Hope was fleeting from the start.

Promises broken easy as a heart.

Six feet apart is as far as they'll go...

Then you're out of reach and time starts to slow.

There is a scream of death that relishes in the chaos.

Controversial in the question if it deserves a seance.

Then there's cries and there's pleads over pale skin gone white.

And as death passes by, that's what it's like.

====================

Gasping. Drowning. Pressure building up in my lungs. Rocks piling up in my throat. My airways being backed up with so many fluids... metal, sour, bitter, hot... Burning, choking. Scalding. Screaming. Seizing. Shaking. Crying. Dying.

I remember every second of it. The rate at which those seconds passed is blurry, however. I can't remember if it was happening in 2 frames per second or 2,000. But I couldn't forget the rest of it even if I tried.

At first, it didn't feel real. Prior to the commotion, I was lying on my bed. I'd been going through another wave of heavy depression. It was the second week of November already and loneliness was seeping in ever-deeper. The life I once had was completely gone. Plastic and artificiality was all that was left.

Chloe wasn't going to come around that day because she was having a birthday party with her mom and friends from school in her room. She told me that she begged all of her nurses and doctors, but none of them agreed to let me out of the quarantine chamber. I couldn't FaceTime her either because I knew she'd be busy. I didn't want to impose.

So there I lay, alone and engulfed in silence as the world around me twisted. Ben broke another of his promises. He wasn't going to FaceTime me always. And Toby, he really had seemed to move on. That was good. I think. That's what I wanted, right?