Villains Club Training Camp (5)

Summit

Garfield

Everything had gone pear-shapes since that trapper caught me. If you'd asked me five years ago what my life would look like, I would have said "Hiding in a manor and protecting a single small town."

Now, I was literally Jimney Cricket. or at least could be at a moments notice. Except that would probably cause trouble. For now, I rode in a car like a normal person, accompanying Claire and her mother Misty to the meeting with 'The Seven and a half Men.'

"Why are they called the seven and a half men?" I asked, riding in the backseat alongside Claire.

"After the Great Disaster, a number of the former Secret League of Supervillains formed a business. The Butchered Man and his friend 'The Calculator' built the organization and the Butchered Man is the 'half' of the seven and a half. He's more machine than man." Misty explained.

"The organization is fully respectable, as far as retired supervillains go. Few of them have powers but all of them have large crime syndicates willing to work with them." Claire put in, using her 'I'm quoting stuff most people know' voice.

"And they're allowed to operate? Nobody's tried to break them up?"

Misty and Claire shrugged in unison. "The villain you know! We're going to sit in on their quarterly meeting, along with some free agents and we'll receive their feedback on the issue with the Original. Your group may even get some work if you play your cards right!" Misty winked at us in the mirror.

This is what I meant by weird. Five years ago I was on a team of vigilantes. Now I was on a team of, sort-of villains? Not like any villains I'd even known though. Our car pulled into an underground carpark and a security guard waved us through after using some device to scan Claire's mother. No doubt to prove it was her?

"Alright kiddos. Remember, everyone here is a bad person. Every one of them has a body count, and all of them will hurt you. Lets keep this short and to the point." Before we left the car I transformed into an emerald panther, a shape I'd been seen wearing before next to E-Claire, then alighted on the ground and fell into step behind my new . . . Family?

They walked with absolute confidence as a short chubby guy with messy hair, and a tall red haired woman with the biggest grin and most dangerous expression greeted us.

"Hey kids!" The woman winked, giving a professional nod to first Claire, and then to myself. "The meeting is about to begin. The Governor of California will see you now!"

The other side of a long elevator ride took us to a penthouse office. That was the best way to describe it. The large open space had rows of brightly decorated, two-seater couches in a European style, interspersed with mounted computer screens and cameras. A couple of the chairs were already occupied, as were a couple of the screens. At the end of the hall seated at a large desk sat an old, extremely fat man. His skin was immaculate. His nose over two inches long and his eyebrows bushy, as though hours had been spent in a makeup chair. He sat with a stylus in his hand, tapping on a screen built into the desk and, beside him a large mannequin head held a tall top-hat.

He puffed politely on an old fashioned cigarette holder, the long variety but I noticed in the end a vape had been inserted instead. The man was bald, dignified, quiet and above all else radiated absolute patience. The woman who escorted us upstairs gestured to a chair nearer the desk and, quietly we all padded in past the assembled characters to take seats, myself sitting on the floor beside E-Claire. Yes, we were in villain mode. E-Claire in her bear-themed dress and hood pulled up. Her mother wore a uniform of black skinny jeans, button up blouse, a knee-length cape in ninja blue and glasses. The men and women assembled around us were similarly either in supervillain attire, or business suits and dress.

"Then let us begin!" the old man insisted, as though he'd been genuinely busy until now. "This is the 27th full meeting of the Seven and a Half men. Minutes will be taken, identities stricken and along with old business that will be addressed I would like to welcome the Representatives of The Inscrutable Machine and their After-school Villain Club as the newest players in our game."

There was a short smattering of claps from a few of the members, the red haired villainess being the most enthusiastic. I noticed idly that there were more than seven gathered here, so we were not the only guests.

"As always the biggest issue on the board for Old Business are the Old Guard of heroes. Those heroes too old or stupid to give way to the terms of the Truce. Our newest invite is here due to direct activities by an older but still vigilante hero known as The Original."

"A complete list of the current outstanding heroes is available and ready to be presented." Said a villain who mixed business attire with a themed shirt covered in equations. The man at the desk nodded graciously.

"Then as Governor of California I call this meeting to order. Please read the minutes from the last meeting!"

The next two hours were the most boring hours of my life. Everyone took turns talking. We were mostly ignored for the majority of it, and thankfully nobody minded when a small panther yawned during the meeting.

It wasn't until an hour and a half in that the meeting turned to our subject, the one we were here for. When it did, I was not prepared for the resulting decisions.