If Only

Chapter 24- Virginity is Given, Not Taken

There are two good things about today. One- I no longer have to use crutches and two- social studies is particularly easy today, all we have to do is explore Civil War tactics used by Union Generals. Boring, but easy. The only problem-- I've had to go to the bathroom all morning and school bathrooms are gross. Alas, I'm about to pee myself so I'm not sure that I have much of a choice.

"Mr. Franklin? May I go to the bathroom?" I ask. I hear whispers from Ayasha and Kimberly behind me.

"Go ahead. It's almost lunch so take your stuff and put it away." he answers, not taking his eyes off the paper in front of him. I nod, grabbing my stuff and leaving. I take my time getting to my locker, as it's not at all close to being time to go. I wonder if he realized he let me go fifteen minutes early? Oh well, more time to wander around. I saunter towards the farthest bathrooms away from my locker after putting my stuff away. I get there soon enough and walk in. For someone who had to pee that bad, I didn't walk too fast. I choose a stall towards the back, do my business, and go to wash my hands. I wince at the loudness of the hand dryer, the noise being loud and sudden.

"Of course you pick the farthest bathroom." someone says over the sound. The noise dies out as I look into the mirror. Ayasha smirks as we meet eyes. Amber and Kimberly stand to her left, in the doorway.

"Did you follow me?" I ask, shaking my hands as if to get excess water off of them though they are dry.

"I don't believe we got to finish what we started months ago. You ruined my pretty face, you know? You left stupid scars in my face." she sneers.

"You started it." I mumble. The next few moments happen in a flash. Their hands on me, their feet pounding into my rib cage, their nails clawing at my skin. I don't hold back when returning the favor obviously. If they want a fight I'm going to give them a fight. I connect my fist with their faces, my feet and legs with their bodies, my nails with their eyes, you know, the basics. The basics turn a lot more hardcore, though, when I connect my knuckles directly with someone's temple and they drop instantly to the ground. I know they're still breathing so that means I didn't kill them but... they look awfully still.

"Come on." Amber whispers, shaking Ayasha. I take this as an opportunity to run. I hit the ground, feet pounding against the flooring. It's time for A Lunch so I head directly to the cafeteria. They're serving nachos today and though that doesn't sound too bad, I swear the cheese is plastic and the meat is fake. Great. Fake meat and plastic cheese. How appetizing.

All day passes and still, I don't hear my name called on the intercom. I expect it anytime now. My name, over the announcements, the principal telling me to come down to the office. I'd be in such big trouble but then again, I don't really live with Heather and Matthew now so I'm sure it wouldn't be an issue. Still, I'm surprised my name is never called. Well, I guess it could've been. I've been on the roof ever since lunch and the speakers up here aren't very good. Being up here makes me realize how I would've been up here so much all these months had the accident not occured. To be honest, it upsets me. A lot. I touch my sore face, obviously bruised and dribbled with dry blood. I don't have much hope for the remainder of the week. It's only Monday and I've already gotten beat. Not much hope left. At all.

I was right by the way. On the roof, Monday, where I said the week wasn't gonna go well. Yeah. I was right.

Monday- a beating.

Tuesday through Thursday- a mental beating.

Friday- a combination. Woo! Don't we just love a combination of those two things? It's great (sarcasm intended)!

And so why am I crying my eyes out in Darion's bathroom? I mean, what else are you going to do after a week like mine besides break down and bawl your eyes out? Of course, my breakdown, as always, is cut short by Darion who comes to the rescue. You know, sometimes I wish he didn't do that. Didn't come to the rescue, didn't say it was all going to be okay, didn't hold me or shush me or comfort me.

"Hard week?" he asks, sitting on the ground beside me. I nod but with no further explanation, he seems to get it. He doesn't pry or pressure me. Just rubs the back of my hand, my palm being flat against the floor, with his fingertips. He carries me to the bed after a while where we lie in silence while staring at the ceiling. I've been thinking for a while. About a particular thing. I've been debating it, and I think it's time. I sit up, crawl on top of him, and begin to kiss him.

"Mm! Fleur!?" he breathes, pulling away.

"Do you not like kissing me?" I cock my head.

"No! That's not-- I just... are you trying to get me to do something or are you just kissing me?" he holds my waist.

"What if I said the first option?"

"I would ask you why so suddenly."

"And if I didn't have a response?"

"Do you have a response?"

"Just fuck me, idiot." I smile and kiss his lips. 

"What if I don't wanna fuck you?" he says.

"What?" my heart drops. 

He laughs. "Fleur, I don't wanna just fuck you. I want to make love to you." he explains. I laugh and roll my eyes, kissing him. Things progress rather quickly, my clothes coming off quicker than expected.

"Are you sure?" he whispers. I nod and it begins. I wince at first, Bryon popping into my head. But the image of him fades when Darion whispers to me to make sure I'm okay. Bryon never did that. Mark one down from Darion. One to zero, though, the one should be one million.

"Was it okay?" he whispers as he returns from the shower. I've already bathed, now in lounging clothes and curled up in the bed. I'm not sure how long it went on for, but I loved every second of it.

"Yeah." I whisper, blushing.

"Are you sure? You flinched." he mentions. I shake my head. "Yes you did." he responds to my head shaking.

"Sorry." I whisper.

"Fleur, what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know about the partying, you being asleep during that one specific time, but most of me thinks that's not everything. I want to know the truth, Fleur. My lovely little flower please. Tell me what happened." He faces me and we maintain eye contact for a while. He realizes before I do that tears are falling down my face and soaking into my pillow. And so the words flow from my mouth like water from a tipped-over glass. Flowing and spreading, so quickly that it's hard to mop up every spot and keep the water in one general area.

I want to tell him how it started in the locker room (I'm sure he remembers), the nickname (he probably remembers that too), Bryon forcing me into the bathroom, dragging me under the stall, the incident itself. Every. Little. Thing. It would result in me begging him through the tears not to tell anyone or make any sort of scene about it. He'd probably agree but I know people can lie so I don't have much confidence that he wouldn't beat Bryon on sight. 

I don't tell him though. I instead went to sleep slightly shaken up that night. Not because of what Darion and I did, no, that was amazing and I loved every second of it. I go to sleep shaken up because of the realization that I almost just told my boyfriend about the person that raped me. And knowing how Darion is, I know he would've gotten up, despite it being almost three in the morning, and gone to beat the living soul out of Bryon.