If Only

Chapter 25- The End of Me

The weekend goes by all too fast. We go out for breakfast on Saturday followed by a day of shopping both for tapestries and for anything we want to thrift. I get partially-completed crust-punk pants and a few patches to cover the empty spaces. Darion thrifts a leather jacket with 'greaser' sewed into the back of it. I will admit, he could fit the role of a Greaser if he wanted to. Sunday results in more of a lazy day with a lot of studying thrown in (teaching in Darion's case) before we go out to dinner. Then, Monday comes. Good ole' Monday, only, it isn't so good for me.

I go to sit down in my usual seat near the window, practically dropping my stuff. I'm early so no one is in the room when I begin to freak out. All over the desk there are words and sentences, scribbled in permanent marker. It's obvious who they're from, saying things like "Go jump off a bridge" and "No one wants you here so just leave.". "You're nothing but a set of holes". "Nasty". "Stinky", and on and on. I began to hyperventilate, dropping everything in my hands and running to the nearest bathroom. I want to call Aiden but it's obvious why I can't. I want to call Bailey. I want to call Alphie. I want to call Nadia. I just want to hear their voices because I know that's what helped me get through what I did. But they're gone now. Plus, I think I dropped my phone back there along with everything else so it's not like I could call anyone anyway. I huddle in the bathroom as I have many times before. I hate it, this feeling. This feeling of... familiarity. The feeling, the knowledge that I've been here exactly this way before. The realization that Nadia and her bloodied fists won't be here for me this time. I scream into my arm, the noise muffled. No one comes to check on me though class has definitely started. No one asks if I'm okay. No one cries with me, hugs me, comforts me. No one is there.

"Dude, every time I come in here this stall is taken. Hey! Who's in here?" someone yells. I guess I fell asleep because I woke up startled when the stall door slammed open. "Oh. Have you been in here all day?" the girl asks.

I nod, "Yeah I guess."

"Well, get out, and stay out from now on because this is my stall. Also, school is over and most people have already left." she says. This gets me going. I jump up and run fast. She's right. There's barely anyone in the halls. How did I sleep through everything? I break off to get my stuff from science, as I remember dropping it there, and find it in a neat pile. I don't stop to ask questions, jogging as quickly as I can to my locker and grabbing my bag. I take my phone and turn it on. It's almost three thirty and I'm on seventeen percent. I enter my password and go straight to call. I click Darions name and when he answers, instantly tell him what happened.

"Fleur, shh. Slow down. I'll come and get you, I just assumed you walked somewhere. Meet me outside the school." he comforts. We stay on the phone until he gets there and I climb into the passenger seat. We talk for a minute but most of the time is spent gazing at the city though I already know its layout.

"Hey, can we stop by Nikkō Garden?" I ask. He nods, taking a turn and heading towards the cherry blossoms. We get there and my feet instantly carry me from the car over to the bridge. It's a beautiful day, the waters below an icy blue, the breeze calm and smelling of flowers, the scenery well-taken care of. It was beautiful. I place my hands on the railing and peer over into the water below. Oh how it would be to fly. Darion's hands encase my waist. I flinch and look back.

"Sorry. You were leaning and I got scared." he said. I knew what he meant, what fear had been in him. A twinge of guilt flies through me. He's scared-- that I appreciate-- of the very thing that I've contemplated so many times- that I don't appreciate. He's scared of me dying. I lean back into him and close my eyes. The breeze tickles the end of my nose. I speak after a moment of silence, telling him what happened in science. He twitches then tenses with anger. I tell him not to worry and he nods though I'm not sure he truly believes me.