Grace.

Chapter 12.

I stood in front of the huge house and just looked at it. It was enormous and beautiful. I nervously walked up the stairs which led to the front door and before ringing the bell, I quickly checked myself on the window. Perfect. Hand shaking, I rung the bell. Why was I so nervous? I'm never nervous when it comes to people. I could hear footsteps drawing closer to the door. It swung open and there she was...I was so relieved she wore a dress too.
"Oh, my! You are beautiful. I- what I meant to say was...you look amazing, Grace," she beamed.
"Me? Look at you! So gorgeous! Thank you again, for the invite." I stepped forward to hug her.
"You're most welcome. Where are my manners? Please, come in."
I stepped inside and my eyes almost popped out of my head. "Everyone else has already arrived...but you're not late though!"
Her voice faded away and I didn't quite catch the rest of what she said. I was mesmerized. It was clean, that's the first thing I noticed. It was so clean. The Collins house was a home. One look at it and I saw family lunches, dinners and birthdays. I saw memories, lessons and advices. Not only was it so beautiful but it was inviting as well. The floors were shining. The color schemes were out of this world. The curtains were so elegant. The air was so fresh. The hallway was so big and...
"Grace, can I get you anything to drink?" I heard Nayeli ask.
The sound of her voice brought me back to reality. I felt myself breathing again as I blinked my way back to the real world. "Ice tea, please," I answered.
"What flavor?"
"Mint, please."
"Coming right up. Come, have a seat. You can sit next to me."
She led me to the sitting room and I saw familiar faces. Girls from our school: Meagan, Lola, Amy, Nicole. Meagan gave me a once over and then nodded in approval. "I knew you'd come looking stunning," she complimented.
"Love the dress! So vintage!" Lola added.
She was...extra. I hated the way she spoke and she was trying too hard. She kept laughing at lame jokes, always interrupted when someone was talking and had zero manners. I mean, who invited this girl?! I was relieved to see Nayeli walk in with my ice tea.
"So, now that we're all here, first, I'd like to thank you ladies for joining me," she started.
"Yep, it's always usually just me and Nayeli. It's nice to have new faces for a change," said Meagan.
"And I'm beating myself up for not thinking about this sooner. But anyway, this is just a tea-party slash chill session type of thing. I know we're not friends but..."
"You don't need to explain yourself, Nayeli. We totally understand. Plus, it's nice to have some change for once," I interrupted.
"See why I like you?" She winked at me.
The other girls giggled. It was nice to do something different for a change. Most of the time me and my friends would opt for a wild night out. It was fun...sometimes, but not all the time. Honestly speaking, I hated how I'd feel the next day: terribly hungover and dying from guilt. I wondered if I was the only one who'd have intense anxiety the morning after drinking alcohol.
So, it made me feel like the kid my parents always thought I am when I sat next to other girls having normal conversations, sipping on ice tea and nibbling on some macaroons.
"I don't really know what to wear for the dance," Amy admitted.
"Me neither. I'm just worried about doing well this year," said Meagan.
"Oh, come on. Give yourself one night to relax and have fun!" Nicole encouraged.
"I'm looking forward to Homecoming because my parents never let me go out. I want to have a blast! Do you have a date, Grace?" Nayeli asked me.
"No, no I don't," I replied.
"She means 'not yet'!" Lola grinned.
"Someone will definitely ask you," Meagan smirked.
"Are you hoping that someone does?" Nayeli searched.
"Uh, not really," I chuckled.
"You mean to tell us that there isn't a guy you're crushing on?" asked Lola.
"No." I answered, flatly.
"What about Josh? You two are super close. One would think you're secretly dating!"
"What is this, Lola? Are you trying to get some tea for the school newspaper?" Nayeli interrupted, peeved.
"No, Lola. Josh and I are just really good friends. You can be friends with a guy, did you know that?"
"Sorry, I don't mean to be rude. I'm interested, we all are!" She admitted.
"Lola! Not in a bad way, Grace. We're inspired by you. Like, really look up to you," Meagan added.
"Is this why you invited me over? To take notes?"
I wasn't annoyed, I was...impressed. My friends never listened to me! They always tried to change me. But finally, I had a group of girls who were interested in me and my life! I had succeeded! I was finally recognized for the right things and was a positive influence on people!
"Are you guys serious?" I checked.
"We're sorry. We would love to be your friends, too! But, we look up to you as well. Everyone likes you, you're doing well in school, you're gorgeous! We want to be like you!" Nayeli stated.
"It would be nice to have a person like you in our lives," Meagan smiled.
"Well," I started. "First things first: There can only be one me and one you. We can't all be the same. I appreciate all the sweet words but instead of focusing on what makes me amazing, discover all the best qualities within yourselves! What makes you, you? What inspires you? What pushes you? What kind of person are you hoping to be now and in the future? When you're alone write down all the things you think about because that's  the real you. Do you understand? When we're with other people we tend to think the way they do, speak the way they do, act the way that they do. We only become our true selves late at night, behind our bedroom doors...that's the perfect time to journal. How many of you here have journals that they write in?"
Only Meagan and Amy raised they're hands.
"Okay, now we have task number one: get a journal."
"And what about boys? How do you do that?" Lola asked.
"I've never been in a relationship. I know what I want and I have hope that one day I'll get exactly that. Look, staying away from love is easier said than done. My sister always tells me: "Never say never." I might be confident in my choices and decisions, but I could fall weak on my knees for some guy I never expected to even talk to!"
"Now that right there, is nothing but the truth. I always know what I want but as soon as some random guy approaches me and says all the right things...I'm a gone girl," said Meagan.
"But you know what I've realized about those relationships? They sometimes don't last. Along the way the charm fades and you're stuck with a guy who has zero to none of the qualities that you look for in a guy." I added.
"The way I see it, love is all about taking the risk," Amy finally joined. "There really is no such thing as 'the perfect guy," in my opinion. I believe that you choose your monster and love him with all his flaws."
"Accept the bare minimum?" Nayeli voiced.
"My issue is, why do we always have to settle? Why do us girls always have to suffer? Because let's be honest here, boys know their worth!" I chuckled.
"That is very true!" Meagan nodded.
"Then why do we always fail to recognize our own? You fall for everything if you stand for nothing. We can't be lost souls looking to be saved and taken care of. We've got ourselves to do that. We need to start loving ourselves more. Start valuing ourselves, our time..."
"Our bodies," Lola added.
"Especially our bodies. Your body is your power. Give no one access to it unless their worthy of it. Come on, we know what these boys want! Why should they always get what they want?" I frowned.
"It's because we fall in love with them," Nicole shrugged.
"But do they fall in love with us?" I asked.
"It's so unfair, now that I think about it," Lola sighed.
"But you know what the truth is? They like to think us insecure and needy and...lost. But the only time we feel that way, we become those people is when we're with them! A guy who's confident in himself and has true intentions and no issues wouldn't project any negativity on to you. He'd shower you with love and treat you like a princess because he's at peace. He has no war within himself." Well, that's what I believed.
"But us girls too have our issues, and even if we do, we don't mistreat them," Amy voiced.
"Toxic masculinity," Lola said, clicking her tongue.
"My mom always tells me that it's always the unexpected bonds that are the best," Nayeli smiled.
"Like, opposites attract?" asked Nicole.
"Like, you weren't what I was looking for and I never imagined myself liking you, but here I am, completely in love with you. I can't explain it," Nayeli clarified.
"My sister and her boyfriend have been together for seven years. Since high school. They were in the same friend group," I started.
"Oooh, a friends to lovers tale," Lola grinned.
"Apparently, he'd talk and have normal conversations with everyone but her. She says she hardly even noticed that until they actually had a conversation one day. They then realized that they had a lot in common and only after talking to him did my sister change her mind about what she thought she wanted," I chuckled.
"I'm so sorry to ask you this but, what does Grace Hills look for in a guy?" Meagan asked.
Of course she would. They all wanted to know!
"What? Do you guys want to pull a '10 things I hate about you' on me?" I teased.
"I just genuinely want to know. I'm dying to know," Nayeli confessed.
It wasn't hard to think about because I had it all figured out from a very young age. But I never really said it out loud.
"I'll keep that one to myself."  I smirked.
"Aw!" They all sulked.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Just...I appreciate the love and all, but..."
I looked at all the beautiful faces in front of me and how desperate they wanted to hear me tell them what they wanted to hear, but I couldn't do that! I couldn't risk having them being all fake and unhappy. They needed to be themselves. They needed to have faith in themselves.
"Meagan, you're the best ballet dancer I've ever seen! You're beautiful...all of you, actually! Not to mention how fierce you are, Meagan. I like that about you." I smiled.
"Thank you, Grace. I've never really believed it. It's exactly why I practice so hard but now that you've said it, it makes me happy."
"You're welcome. And Lola, many would find your smart mouth annoying, but it's your super power. You don't let anyone walk over you. You're firm and confident and you always walk with your head held high," I continued.
"You're the first to actually say this," she admitted.
"You've all got your strengths. The only reason why you don't see them is because you're busy focusing on your weaknesses!" I argued.
"To be honest, you're kind of intimidating,"Nayeli opined.
"Only to those who don't believe in themselves. Springfield high could have Thee Grace Hills. Thee Nayeli Collins. Look at Janet Hall! She's loved in her own way. Find you and work with that! Don't hold back. Don't doubt yourself," I encouraged.
They all nodded in agreement and it was settled then! The quest to finding out how to be like me stopped there and then! I wasn't perfect. They had some qualities that I didn't. It wouldn't have made sense to try to change them.
I was still going to make mistakes. A lot of them at that.