Grace.

Chapter 15.

I remember looking at Edgar and thinking how perfect he is. Everything about him took my breath away. He was the one, for me. It was perfect! I'd marry him, be happy and be more than a best friend to Naomi. I think one of the reasons I liked him so much was because he was the only guy I knew well. I'd see him a lot. Talk to him. Everything that would fuel my obsession about guys started off with him. Edgar Sanders was so handsome and very confident. He was really nice to us as well. I'd observe how handy he was around the house and my mind would short circuit.
I was young and I was convinced that I knew what love was. I blame all the romance movies I watched. But even though I grew up and eventually knew better, my feelings for Edgar Sanders never left me. Even after years of not seeing each other, one look at him and all I'd want is to be near him. Even if it would be just standing next to him. All I wanted to do is gaze into his lazy eyes while listening to him talk his usual rubbish.
I cannot explain it, but there was a way he'd look at me. It was sort of like: "I see you looking. Do you want to go to a quiet, private spot with me?" Do you understand? It would be a: "Don't be afraid. I understand. Look at me all you want. I want you to look at me!"
He'd always hold my gaze with a smirk on his face. At such a young age, that stare should've scared me, but for some reason, it made me feel the opposite way.
I know what he did back in his days was wrong and that it says a lot about his character. But no matter how smart I might be, I could never outsmart my heart. Edgar was a walking red flag, but not even that made me stay away from him. We would've never worked out but I still wanted him. I wanted to hear him say my name.
There's no guy I've been interested in getting to know, in becoming close with.
But with Edgar...
With Edgar it felt like home. It felt like this was what I'm supposed to be doing. Like I belong with him! Personally, I think that was my inner child taking over.
Granted, me and him got along really well and honestly, I saw myself marrying the guy. I didn't picture a perfect marriage but it just made sense for some reason.
The truth? Despite all my dreams and wishes, I would've changed everything for him. Everything. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but I ignored the feeling. But Edgar had so much baggage. So many girls into him. I fought my feelings to get over him. If I ever ended up with him, I knew that they'd be some nights where I'd sleep alone. He'd cheat. And I didn't know how I'd deal with that. I knew for a fact that there was no way he wouldn't! And I knew what I wanted.

The ride back home was...tense.
I could tell he wanted to talk about it, and he could tell that I didn't. I was a total mess! Confused, happy, scared and most of all...mind blown! My list was growing, and Edgar was the one filling it up:
5)  My first kiss: Edgar.
The only thing I wanted was to go to my room and have a moment to myself. A serious conversation with myself! My ears were ringing, I felt so faint. As soon as the car stopped outside my house, I opened the door to rush out. Edgar quickly got out as well, rushing to stop me from entering the house.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! So, that's it? Aren't you going to say anything?"
"I don't know what to say!" I panicked. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have!"
"Wait, what? Sorry? Grace, I'm not sorry. It's okay. Really! Can we at least talk about this?" He begged.
Believe me, I really wanted to talk, to hear his thoughts but it was just too complicated. I wanted to kiss Edgar and that's exactly what I did, but the guilt got me faster than I had expected.
"No," I muttered. "Let go of my hand, please." My voice trembled and a huge lump formed in my throat.
His grip on my wrist tightened for a second, but when he noticed how I couldn't even look at him, he let me go. I could hear the frustration in his breathing. I felt terrible. "Okay. Okay. I-I'll give you some time, but please... we need to talk."
With my eyes still on the ground, I quickly turned away and ran for the door. I rushed up to my room and locked myself in it. Of course Gloria followed me. "Grace, what's going on?" She knocked. I had to think of a lie and fast! I got up from the carpet and slightly opened the door, head poking out.
"I messed up my jeans. P-p-periods," I lied. "Oh, no! Are you okay? Did anyone see?"
"The guys probably did. I don't know."
"It's happened to the best of us. Do you need any pads?" She offered.
"No, I've got some. Thank you. I just want to get changed and take a shower," I sighed.
"Okay. I cooked your favorite: seafood,"
she grinned.
"Thanks, Gloria. I'll be down as soon as I can."
She gave me one last smile and then walked away. I hurriedly locked the door again, returning to the carpet. I must've stared at it for a good ten minutes, my mind racing with what happened between me and Edgar. My phone kept buzzing in my pocket. There were about twenty messages from our group chat: