Divergent One Shots (Eric & Tris)

Thirty-Three-I'm Sorry 7.9

Tris

After dinner, Eric walks me home.  He hovers at his doorway. 
"Tomorrow, you'll be on the panel for observing the initiates' fear landscapes.  Sorry, that'll be such a disturbing first day," he apologizes. 
"That's alright.  It comes with the territory, right?" I tell him shrugging it off.  I honestly don't look forward to that but whatever. I'll do what I have to do. 
"Can I... talk you?  In my apartment?" he asks me hesitantly, nervously. 
"Is something wrong?" I question him. He's never nervous. 
"I've been keeping something from you... and I don't want to do that anymore," he admits. 
I meet his eyes and he's serious.  "Alright," I agree softly.  He appears guilty and remorseful. 
He takes my hand gently and opens his door for me.  He leads me inside.  I try to have an open mind about this but I get anxious at seeing the box on his coffee table.  It's the same kind that we use to hold vials of serum and syringes. 
"What kind of serum is that?" I ask.  I know we have access to all of the serums—leadership that is—but I don't know what they all are yet. 
"It's not for you.  It's for me," he says sitting down on his sofa. 
I sit beside him. 
"I have some questions for you to ask me," he tells me handing me a piece of paper.  I take it from his grasp but keep my focus on him.  "When you go through them all, feel free to ask me anything you want."
"What kind of serum is this?" I inquire. 
"Truth serum," he admits. 
"Why, Eric?" I question. 
"Because I always want to tell you the truth now, but some of it may be impossible for you to actually believe.  I don't want you to question what I'm saying.  I want you to know it's absolutely true," he tells me softly. 
"Eric?" I ask sadly.  But I already see him readying the syringe and injecting himself. 
He looks bad, like it's making him feel sick. 
I frown and read from this list. 
"State your name," I read robotically.
"Eric Michael Franklin," he says easily.
"Faction of origin?" I ask.
"Erudite," he replies.
"Why do you think Four lied about his relationship with Tris?" I ask.
"Because I told Zeke about you. We were roommates early on and friends. I told him before you transferred. I didn't know for sure if you'd even come here and you chose the nickname I gave you. Zeke saw how I looked at you and he knew exactly who you were. I don't think that he was being malicious, he just is a gossip. He likes to tell everyone good news. I think he thought he could trust his best friend with that information," he explains.
"Four?" I question.
"It was Four," he nods.
I look back at the list and it's what I'm thinking.
"How did you know Tris before initiation?" I question.
"I knew you because our parents were friends. They would bring you to Erudite on Visiting Day in the spring and we'd go apple picking in Amity together in the fall. I've always known you, for as long as I can remember," he divulges.
"How do you feel about Tris?" I ask, my voice cracking.
"I think I was ten when I realized I was in love with you. I have ever since," he explains.
I feel a tear drop from my eye and I sniffle looking to the next question. It's what I was thinking again.
"Why doesn't Tris remember Eric?" I ask frowning.
"We got in trouble—twice—and Abnegation methods for faction conformity are harsh. But a girl who had a crush on me saw us both times together and her father had sway in Erudite, the school system, and with Jeanine. They made a big stink about it and forced something terrible upon you," he elaborates.
"What did they do to Tris?" I read, unable to look at him.
"They administered the Abnegation memory serum on you when you were seven. It was at the school without your parents' consent. I don't know how much they gave you, but it was enough to make you forget me completely and several months of your school material that year. I tried to talk to you once and you didn't know me," he admits.
"What has Tris forgotten?" I read. I wipe the tears away and I sniffle again.
"We were friends—best friends. We used to play together. We'd climb trees in Amity and race. You kissed my cheek and I held your hand. I kissed you by the duck pond and we got caught. We ran away and climbed a tree and I'd call it making out there. Your mom saw us and yelled at us. We got caught in the same position at school and that's when they took you, and you never knew me again after that."
I look back to the paper and it says ask anything you want.
"Are the rumors about you and any of the girls here in Dauntless true?" I ask him.
"No," he shakes his head. "I've only ever wanted one girl my whole life and she's you."
"Do you think Four really kept that farce going to keep you away from me because he knew who I was to you?" I ask.
"I believe that. I asked Zeke and he admitted telling him everything once. He was asked why I'm never seen with girls. He said the rumors are wrong and that I only had eyes for you," he explains.
"Do you believe in God, Eric?" I question.
He meets my eyes. "I think the serum has worn off," he admits.
"Can you still answer the question?" I ask.
"It was easier with the serum. I didn't have to think about it," he divulges. "I've never really known. My parents—my real parents, not Jeanine of course—raised me to be moral. Some of the things my dad said were straight out of what your pastor said—word for word even. I think I need to learn more... but I'm leaning toward yes," he nods.
I smile at that. He stares at me and I really do see it—that he loves me.
"Why did you stay away from me?" I ask.
"Which time? Before in school or after you transferred?" he inquires for verification.
I nod. "Both, please?"
He sighs. "In school... the girl who caught us and told on us both times threatened that if I ever went near you again, they'd give you a larger dose and make you forget everything. Even Jeanine threatened me, too, but she used my sister as leverage. I didn't want either of you hurt," he explains.
"You could've snuck around," I tease.
"That's what we did and we still got caught. I think she always followed me," he frowns. "It wasn't worth the risk. I couldn't bear anything worse happening."
I nod, fully understanding. He was always watched.
"How about after I transferred?" I inquire.
He meets my eyes. "I wanted to so badly," he admits. "But first, I didn't think you'd believe me. Also, there's no fraternizing between members and initiates. I'd have to wait until after initiation and you were already interested in Four," he shrugs.
"Wait... what?" I question.
"Which part?" he asks confused.
"Fraternization," I state.
"It means..." he begins but I interrupt.
"No. I know what it means. Four started the relationship during initiation," I tell him.
"Crap. He could've gotten you both made Factionless," he says worriedly. Then it switches to anger. "You kissed him first, right?" he clarifies.
"That was a lie. I don't know why he said it," I explain. "He kissed me."
He shakes his head and looks away from me.
"So... he was always messing with us?" he mumbles, probably to himself.
"I think... he still cares for me. I don't necessarily think he's doing what he does just to mess with you... although, he definitely doesn't like you. I think he's just trying to stake his claim on me regardless of my rejection of him," I try to elaborate.
"That makes sense," he nods. "He is territorial. He's a jerk but not evil. I do think he's in love with you. Every time I would mention you, it was like trigger. He wanted me to stay as far away as possible."
"Yeah," I nod. 
"I'm not going to open that can of worms.  That stays between us," he insists.  "There's no harm done now and I don't want you getting into trouble.  You didn't know but he should've told you."
"Okay," I whisper.
"Can I ask you something?" he inquires gently.
I meet his eyes.
"Sure," I whisper.
"How do you feel about what I've told you?" he asks me. He flushes and I don't think I've ever seen him blush.
I give him a sad smile.
"You called me a nickname and it seemed so familiar... but almost like a dream. Then, I've been having these reoccurring dreams that feel so real. I think... they're the memories you're telling me about," I admit.
He smirks at that. "But you didn't answer my question," he insists.
I laugh and look away bashfully.
"I don't know how to feel about that," I divulge. "I was apparently a little tramp," I joke.
He chuckles at that. "No," he insists. He shakes his head.
He nudges my leg with his. "Tell me," he demands... but gently.
"How do I feel about you?" I question but I can't meet his eyes.
"Please?" he asks softly.
"It's difficult to explain now," I say since this is hard. "I felt a certain way before this conversation and now I've got all this new information... I guess I'm just processing. It's a lot to put on one small, girl from Abnegation."
"You're not small," he insists. "You're average height for a female. And you're not a little girl anymore. You're a beautiful woman."
I frown at how sweet and earnest his words are to me. He's always encouraging me and building me up. The world has torn me down... and he's my support.
"Before this conversation, what did you think about me?" he asks.
I turn to see he's so close to me. Be brave, a part of me is saying.
"I think... that before I knew that you were my first kiss, I'd already fallen in love with you," I tell him.
"And now?" he grins smugly.
"I'm seeing that cute little boy with the curly hair and I know it. It's always been you, Eric. I remember telling myself always: Choose Dauntless. I see why now. Because it was you," I whisper.
He threads his hands through my hair and leans in the extra distance. Our lips meet and I sigh at the sensation. For the first time in my life—that I can remember—this feels so right. His kiss is gentle and timid. Then more firm. Then he absolutely takes over and this is what I expected from Eric... He is dominating and passionate. His tongue slips into my mouth and I'm surprised as he pulls me to him. I meet his with mine and I hope I'm doing this right as he caresses me with his. He pecks my lips again before parting. 
"I love you," he whispers to me. He kisses my cheek and my neck. He buries his head in my hair and sighs as he holds me in his embrace. "I've waited so long for this."
I smile at that. "If only you'd have wised up sooner and noticed Four was full of it," I tease.
"Ugh, I'm kicking myself. I should've just asked," he chuckles.
"So..." I say.
"So..." he responds meeting my eyes.
He pecks my lips again and nuzzles me.
"Mine," he whispers.
"So territorial," I joke.
"You have no idea," he says seriously. "I will kill any guy that comes near you."
"You will not," I shove his shoulder playfully.
"Okay, I'll probably incarcerate them... or beat them up," he says.
I laugh at that. "You think they'd know better," I tease.
"You'd think," he grins.
"What did you do to Peter?" I ask.
"Do you really want to know?" he questions seriously.
"You didn't throw him to Factionless, did you?" I question.
He shakes his head.
"Did you kill him?" I ask.
"Nope," he replies.
"I think I can handle it," I nod. "What'd you do?"
"I beat him up and incarcerated him," he says easily.
"Eric," I say dragging his name out. "That was three years ago."
"He touched you without permission, kidnapped you, and tried to kill you. There is nothing that makes that kind of crime acceptable over time," he tells me firmly. "He knows to stay away from you now. Any further altercations and he's either out or dead."
"Yikes, you are scary," I admit.
"Not for you, though," he grins.
"Not for me," I admit.
He pecks my lips again and he sighs.
"I'm sorry," he tells me.
"For what?" I question confused.
"For so many things," he says shaking his head. "For not standing up for you when we were kids. I should've taken you and ran. I should've known better. For not saying anything after you got here. For not seeing through Four's lies. For seeing you deteriorate and doing nothing because I thought I couldn't get closer to you without my attachment for you getting stronger. I was a coward. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too," I tell him.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he insists.
"No," I disagree shaking my head. "I listened to gossip about you. Four had me fearing you. Even after Jeanine's arrest, I should've seen you for who you are. I just... should've opened my eyes sooner."
We meet each other's eyes and he kisses me gently. It turns quickly into something else entirely—the passion he feels for me in every kiss, every caress. I feel that he's sorry for all I've gone through and I know without a doubt that he loves me... always has and always will.