Necklace In The Path

Chapter 8: Late Night Musings

During the dead of night, I had woken up to find that Hinata had left at some point. While rubbing my eyes with my knuckles, my sight started to adjust to the dark lit room. There was just enough light from the moon outside to shine a path from the window to the kitchen. I stumbled across the tiny space that was available for me, and grabbed a bottle of water that was left out from earlier. I chugged it down so fast, that by the time I was finished with it, I had let out a big huff of air. What is going to happen now with Hinata? Did I like him as much as he liked me? Is it because I'm lonely? Another thought had occurred to me, and so I walked back over to my phone to check the time. It was 3:21 a.m. and that meant it had to be at least noon in California. In my time of crisis, The only person I could really rely on was my mom. I decided to call her to see what she might have thought about my situation. And just as expected, she picked up right away.

"Hey honey! What time is it?"

I started yawning as soon as she asked that question, "Too late."

"Is everything okay?" I really hate when she asks me that, because she knows I'm not okay, and most likely, I'll start crying.

"Ummm... No, not really. There's just a lot going on." She stayed silent on the other end, waiting for me to spill my guts.

"Did I tell you I started dating someone?"

"No! Oh my god! Really?" She seemed genuinely happy about this.

"Y-yeah... I mean, it's weird. I mean, it's not weird. I guess I'm just being weird about it."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Do they know everything?"

"Yup." I let out a big sigh, "I told them-I mean him, yesterday."

"How did 'he' react?"

"Supportive. He didn't seem to mind. Maybe that was because I was bawling my eyes out. It was embarrassing."

"Don't feel any shame in that Tabitha! You are human and you have feelings too."

"I-I know. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the whole thing."

"So what are you thinking about then?"

"Am I allowed to do this? Am I allowed to be happy?" Mom was silent on the other end. I can't imagine being a mother and having to hear your daughter sound so depressed.

"Tabitha, I'm going to say this again. Before you decide to make someone else happy, make sure you focus on your own happiness. I know you're smart and I know you know that, and with everything that's happened... It's really shitty, but you know James wouldn't want to see you like this. I love you so much! I just want you to be happy." Trying not to cry, I mustered out the words, "Thank you."

"You know, as much as I love to talk to you and as much as I miss you to death, it's 3:00 in the morning for you and you should probably get back to sleep. If you can't fall back asleep just call me, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. I love you Mom."

"Love you too sweetie. Good night!"

I crawled back into bed and threw the covers on me. My mom's voice popped into my head, as I started closing my eyes, "... make sure you focus on your own happiness..." It's such a simple phrase, but so difficult to put into action. I thought that moving to Japan would've made me feel happier, however it's just made me more confused and depressed. Do I need change again? I can't go back to the states, at least not yet. Maybe I need a vacation away from Japan, and maybe Hinata might want to go on one with me. Even though I've been working on finding my happiness again for a long time, I should just try to start over again and take it in small strides. Yeah, that's what I'll do.