Every Other Day I Die {bxb}

~ Chapter Seven ~

Both Adam and Carson headed down stairs and immediately got bombarded with Carson's younger sisters who acted like little jumpy dogs. The just jumped and giggled a lot, looking at the two of them, both Adam and Carson were confused.
"Hey, kiddos what do you want? You're just jumpin around."
"They both stopped and walked a little closer. The eldest of the two walk forward and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Well, um, Sadie won't let up play with her, um, she, she said we can't play with her." Carson just giggled a little.
"Is it a multiplayer game?" Carson asked looking at her. She opened her mouth and tilted her hard but didn't speak. The two of them ran off back to the living room, then ran back a bit later,
"Uh, no, but, um, but she said that it could be played on a different thing though." Carson giggled a little.
"Well then, if it's not a multiplayer, than I can't do anything about it. You can either sit and watch, or ask mommy to tell Sadie to change the game so you can play too."
"Ummmm.... Nah" and with that the two of them ran off into the living room, half skipping, half galloping and giggling a bit.
"Man, kids are weird," Adam said quietly just in case the girls heard. "How old are they?"
Carson opened the fridge and got a large Tupperware while answering.
"The oldest, Sadie, she's twelve, then the one that was asking all the questions, Emily, she is six and the youngest, Clementine, is four." He opened the lid and grabbed a chunk of water melon popping it into his mouth before handing the container off to Adam to dig through the freezer. He pulled out two frozen burritos and put them on a paper towel before placing them in the microwave. Adam ate away at the water melon while they sat in silence waiting for the microwaveto finish.
The girls could be heard giggling in the room over. Carson took another chunk of watermelon, it made a watery crunch when he bit down. Adam rubbed his arm. It was weird to feel how smooth it was now, no scabs, no stratches, just the occasional bump from cuts that went too deep in the past. He stuck his hand up his shirt a bit and did the same to his sides which also felt surprisingly soft. He hadn't felt his skin like this for years now.
The microwave beeped, so Carson grabbed his burritos and they both went back to the bedroom.
"It feels weird for my skin to be this smooth," Adam said, pulling up his sleeves and rubbing his arms. Carson also rubbed Adam's arms.
"Well your skin is very soft, but there are still bumps and stuff, so I wouldn't say that smooth." Carson's hands were warm, very warm, it felt nice.
"Well normally my arms are covered in scabs and scrapes, so comparatively, it's very smooth. I dont know it just-... I just haven't felt it like this for awhile is all." Adam looked away kinda ashamed to be amazed at such a feeling.
"Oh, no, yeah it feels amazing I bet, I wouldn't know.... hopefully it says that way?" Carson added a bit of a question on the end.
"Ha, I doubt it..." Adam pulled back down his sleeve. This feeling he was feeling was weird and it started in his stomach. It felt kind of like shame and sadness, but mixed with something else, like the feeling of breaking a promise, or when you trip on the playground and get rocks and dust in a bloody knee.
Carson grabbed Adam's hand.
"Look at me." Adam swallowed and slowly looked at him. "Can you promise me that you'll try?" Adam looked away again. Carson grabbed his face aggressively and forced him to make eye contact again. "Adam, at least try, ... for me? Carson didn't look angry like Adam thought he would be, he looked concerned.
"For you? You out of all people? You sent me home with a black eye at least once a week for several years." Adam scoffed and tried to scoot back, but Carson held on tighter, pulling Adam's arm closer.
"Yesterday, when I left you go, I said I think I could like you." Carson looked away a bit and let go of Adam's hand and face to play with his own hands. Adam wanted to scoot back a little but couldn't get himself to. Carson was finally starting to open up, even just a little.
"I wanted to say more, but, yeah..." he rubbed the back of his neck and looked back up, making eye contact with Adam. "Adam, I didn't know how much you were hurting. Until you came up to me the other day and said you were gonna kill yourself, I thought you dressed edgy and cut for attention, or like, aesthetic or something. It didn't hit me until recently that you actually wanted to kill yourself." He was nervous, very nervous, avoiding all eye contact and playing with little strings coming off of his sweat pants.
"Well, I just, I don't know. I've known you since elementary school, yet I haven't at all. I've been a dickhead for all those year too. When I first saw you on the cliff side I thought, 'there's now was he's gonna jump' but then I watched you fall and my stomach dropped. And when came home yesterday I couldn't stop replaying it in my head and I realized that I don't hate you." Carson's voice started to waiver and it felt like he hand picked what words to say. "Adam, I don't think I ever hated you. I think I had anger issues in elementary, that I still have, but I beat you up for fun, or to keep my image up with my friend, or to try to fill some hole where I was showing off by beating some kid to a pulp."
He looked back up at Adam again making eye contact once more, his eyes focused only on Adam, "Adam, I know where in senior year, and I know I've done nothing but treat you like shit, and make you want to kill yourself, but, I want to try to make amends and, and I wanna try to be there if you need me, and we don't have to be friends and we don't have to pretend like we know each other if you want, but, I don't know, I want to try to help somehow, even if it's just a little because when I let go of you yesterday and when I put your sweatshirt back in your car I almost cried thinking that you were for sure gone this time."
Adam could feel tears prick as his eyes grew hot. But Carson just continued to look into his eyes. In this moment, to Carson, Adam was the only thing that mattered, "So can you at least TRY to not cut yourself, even just for a week? If it gets bad, I will stay up and listen to you cry, I can explain somewhat of your situation to my mom and leave the door unlocked if needed I could do anything, you could say we're friends and I would say we're friends if that helps, I don't care. I just want to try and help so please let me."
Hot tears streamed peacefully down Adam's face as he sat in silence. No one ever wanted to help, no one since his Mom died. No one had almost cried thinking that they had lost him since his mom died. No one had stayed up late just to help him since his mom died. His mom died ten years ago. Adam pulled his hands away to wipe his tears and nose with his sweatshirt sleeves that smelled like Carson's clean laundry. He pulled his hood up and started to cry harder rubbing at his eyes harder. His breathing became more unsteady. Carson tried to read the expression from Adam but it was difficult.
"Yeah-... I could- try" his sniffling and breathing was loud. Carson pulled him close and hugged him softly, rubbing his hooded head. Eventually Adam hugged back, wrapping his arms around Carson's back and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. He buried his face into Carson's chest. He opened his legs up and pulled Adam to sit closer.
Together they sat, holding each other as Adam dug his bitten-off nails into fist-fulls of Carson's shirt and Carson just pulled him in close, resting him chin onto of his head and petting him.

After awhile he stopped crying and was just sniffling. Carson was warm, despite his, now wet, sleeveless shirt that he chose to wear all the time. Adam was always cold his fingers felt cold on Carson's back when he finally relaxed and so did his face, aside from the eyes and nose. When he would change Adam's bandages or feel his skin he always felt a little cold, or got cold after a short amount of time.
Eventually Adam relaxed completely and let his arms fall to Carson's waist. His breathing was soft and slow like the oceans tides.
"You doin' ok now?"

     Adam nodded and slumped deeper against Carson's chest, crying always made him tired but the sun was still up. Carson pulled the hood off of him to ruffled his hair. Adam's hair was very soft and the only warm part of his body.
    Despite his now cold tank top all of Carson was warm and soft. When his muscles were relaxed the were very plush, he liked it. He liked when Carson was gentle.
     "I think I can try for you." He said sitting back up rubbing his eyes and yawning. Carson picked up the container or watermelon that was left on the nightstand and gave it to Adam.
     "You need water ma boy." Adam giggled at the sudden stoic voice paired with it and started eating watermelon chunks. His eyes were still puffy a little.
     "Hey, so I gotta shower and work out today before we go to bed, but I start that in a few hours. So is there anything you wanna do?"
     "We could drive around? Get high, go spray paint, maybe get a few people to join us and hang out? I don't know, I don't often just...hang out."
    "Yeah I guess,"
    "I kinda just want to sleep"
    "Why don't you sleep when I start working out, therefore you won't have to wake up in the middle of the nap for some reason."
     "Yeah sure, that'll probably be nice. Let's just drive around a bit a look for things to do."
     "As you wish."
    The both got up, Carson opened the door for him and closed it behind them. They both walked out the door. Carson texted his mom as he got into the truck and then he started it. Adam climbed into the passenger seat instead of the trunk.
     He drove around a bit and they drove past the forest edge.
     "Yo, that's were I woke up," he pointed to forest along the road. "It was really weird because I was shirtless walking along this road,"
    "Wanna stop here?"
    "Absolutely not." They both chuckled a little. Carson turned up the music and they both jammed out. The happiest Adam had been for awhile. Unfortunately good things can't last forever and eventually they made their way back to Carson house.
     "Can I borrow some PJ's again today?" Adam didn't care what he slept in to be honest, but he loved the way Carson smelled. Carson brought him pajama pants and a new sweatshirt. Carson went to work out and Adam put on the new clothes and shoved his face in the neck of it. He took in a deep breath taking in the smell.
    Not long after he curled into Carson's beds, tucking himself under all the sheets. He put his earbuds in and turned on music, quickly falling asleep.

     Quite a bit later he was softly awoken by Carson climbing into bed. It was dark outside. He was colder than usual and his hair was wet. He stayed a comfortable distance away. Adam rolled over and rested against him, falling asleep quickly. Carson didn't know if it was intentional or if he was just sleeping. He ran his fingers through Adam's hair before setting his phone down and turning to Adam, hugging him against his chest. 
      They both slept peacefully.

(2098 words)