Emily In The Selection (book 1)

Chapter 21

I got back from my date with Ryan pretty late. So late that my maids actually left me a note saying that they already went to bed. I curled up under the covers anyways and tried to fall asleep.

But I couldn't. Too many thoughts lurked in my head for me to sleep.

Ryan said he loves me. But did he really? He could've said that to all the girls tonight, and now that I think about it, his words did seem a little too practiced. But then why did it feel so special? Like he was only saying it to me? It felt like he was giving me his whole heart.

Ryan is so sweet. Unique. He has some special feel to him that seemed like when I was with him, I had nothing to worry about. All my problems and worries wondered away. And I loved that. I loved his presence. I love the way his hair is spiked up sometimes and the way his lips feel against mine. I love how he is a little younger than me, but a bit taller. I loved being with him more than anything.

The first day I got to the palace, I was very homesick. But that night I saw him with Amity, and I was immediately comforted just be being next to him. As much as I hate to admit it, being with him was a million times more soothing than being with my own family.

I did. I loved so many aspects about him. But did I love him?

This decision is something I would never be able to take back. If I said I loved him, I could never go back. Even if I did end up saying it and then rejecting him, it would break his heart. I could only imagine what it felt like to have someone say that they love you, but they ruin you by trying to take it back. If you say you love someone, you don't take it back. It's a promise.

I liked Ryan. A lot. A lot more than I expected to. But I don't know if I was ready to take a step into loving him.

And what about that guard? Once he came into the picture, it made my thoughts for loving Ryan way more complicated.

I had a small school girl crush on this guard. By why? Just based off of his looks? Or his voice? The way he playfully tapped my shoulder? I didn't even know his name. I just call him "the guard."

I know that I should forget about him, but it is hard. I can't just forget him. I know him and he knows me. Kind of. In a way.

I talked to him twice. I knew that no matter how attractive he was or how his personality seemed, he wouldn't like me back or say he loved me or set up a rowboat ride for me. But one boy did do all that for me. Ryan.

My mind soared around, but I couldn't piece together what to do. I have one attractive boy who I met twice and seems lovely, but I have no clue what he is personally like. And another boy who said he loves me, took me dancing and to a library, and took me on a rowboat. And he didn't just take me to these places because he had to, he did it because he wanted to and because he loves me.

No one in my entire life would ever even consider the thought of taking me on dates or telling me that they love me like that. (Of course my family would say they love me, but that's not the same kind of love.) I'm just not a very likable person. I used to go to school for a while, but I was bullied and hated and I didn't like it there, so for the rest of my high school years, I was homeschool. None of the kids liked me or complemented me. I was always the weird kid.

But Ryan sees past that. He doesn't think of me as the "weird" kid. He loves me. And shouldn't I love him back?

This boy made my heart warm and put me in a life I have never experienced before. I never knew what it was like to be treated special. I always felt like I was in the back alone. Like I was screaming in a room full of people and no one cared to look at me. Even if they would look at me, they'd give me glances to indicate I'm strange.

Ryan didn't think I was strange. He even told me that he loved being with me. He took me places and made me feel good. He cared for me and enjoyed just looking at me.

All this time, I never noticed. He looked at me like I was his. He implied these motions that showed his affection for me. How could I not realize?

He is right here for me. He loves me. He is right here and he will not leave me.

He loves me.

And the least I could do was love him back. Right? He'd given me his whole heart. He deserves mine.

I knew it. I knew it all along.

I loved him.

• • •

I couldn't sleep still so I decided just to read my book for a little while. When I picked up my book The Witch of Blackbird Pond, it still had the magazine marking the page that quoted: "There is no escape if love is not there."

For some reason I never bothered to read the next part that went: "And love was Nat."

Nat was one of the main characters. I always felt that Kit and Nat should love each other. And right there, they did.

"And love was Ryan," I whispered.

Ryan was my love. Ryan was my escape.

Ryan was now my everything.

EXTRA:
Hey guys! I'm really sorry that this chapter is so short, but it was mainly just her thinking. I promise the next chapter will be a bit better. But I need your opinion on something!! I think I might make this story into two books because a lot more is going to happen. Or I'll just make a lot of chapters. What do you guys think? Should I make a second book or just make this one really long?

(P.S. The picture for this chapter is a picture I took myself on vacation :D )