His Virgin Stripper

15

Four months had passed.

Not the kind that healed anything.
The kind that slowly tightened around my chest.

My body changed whether I wanted it to or not. I learned how to stand without drawing attention, how to sit through discomfort, how to pretend I wasn't counting weeks in my head. I stopped wearing colors that stood out. I stopped lingering near windows.

Elijah didn't disappear. And I never went out of the house because of the media. I thought he knew I was, where the media pointed me to be.

I would see a familiar car parked outside the manor. Through the cctv.

I never told Mom.
She already knew.

Routes were changed. Schedules rewritten. Appointments moved without no one noticing.
"Hindi ka dapat masanay sa iisang routine," she said once. "That's how people find you."

Flowers still came. No name. No note. Always placed carefully at the gate.
I stopped looking at them.

At night, I locked my door even though I knew it didn't matter. I slept with one hand on my stomach, counting kicks, counting reasons to stay quiet. I practiced lying in the mirror. I practiced calmness. 

I wish he doesn't know anything. 

Four hours away.
Fourth time eating the same meal I barely tasted.

"Celestine, ano ba," Mom said. "Kanina ka pa namin kinakausap."

Parang doon lang bumalik ang ulirat ko.

Dad sat at the end of the table, quiet but watching. Mom was on my left, posture straight, movements controlled. We were having dinner, but I could already feel it. May gusto na naman silang mangyari.

"Your debut is in a week," sabi ni Mom, like it was a reminder I never asked for. "Everything's already arranged. Wala ka nang ibang gagawin kundi magpakita nang maayos."

I was actually surprised they didn't change my birthdate to Celestine's.
I didn't bother asking either.

Dad's eyes drifted to me. Slow. Then to my stomach.

"Buti na lang cryptic 'yang pregnancy mo," he said. "No one can tell. You can still do it."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masakit.
Na buntis ako at hindi nila kayang mag-alala.
O na nagpapasalamat sila dahil hindi halata. Dahil nagagamit pa nila ako sa palabas nila.

Six months pregnant.
And they still wanted me to play the perfect daughter.

"Just focus," dagdag ni Mom. "Your debut is important. Don't drift off like that. People will be watching."

She sounded like the same woman I first met. Cold. Polite. Distant.
Hindi siya ngumingiti kapag kaming tatlo lang sa bahay.

Still, I was thankful.
They gave me an education. A future. Even if it came with conditions.

Ramdam ko ang paggalaw ng baby ko. Parang maliit na siko sa loob.
Mabilis kong hinigpitan ang hawak sa kutsara para hindi mahalata ang biglang kabog ng dibdib ko.

Napabuntong-hininga ako.
Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko.
Pero kailangan kong kumalma.

For the baby.

"I'll do my best," sabi ko, pilit ngumiti.

Then I continued eating.

After that night with Celestine, everything moved fast. Too fast. I was officially homeschooled, my schedule rearranged down to the minute. I started learning the basics of veterinary medicine. Anatomy. Terminology. Care procedures. It wasn't casual learning either. It was structured, strict, and heavy.