His Virgin Stripper

16

The room smelled clean. Too clean. Like alcohol and metal and something sharp I couldn't name yet.

"Relax your shoulders," Professor Reyes said calmly. "You tense up when you're nervous."

I forced myself to breathe and did what he said. My shoulders dropped slightly, but my hands were still shaking.

Sa harap ko, the table was small. A stray dog lay there, sedated, chest rising and falling slowly. He was old. I could tell by the gray in his fur and the way his body looked tired even while asleep.

"This is basic," the professor continued. "Routine procedure. If you follow instructions, nothing will go wrong."

Nothing will go wrong.

Parang ang dali niyang sabihin.

"Yes, sir," sagot ko, quietly.

He glanced at me, not unkindly. "You've been learning fast, Miss Celestine. Faster than most."

I nodded, unsure if that was praise or pressure.

He placed the instruments neatly beside me. Each one had a name I already memorized. Scalpel. Forceps. Needle holder. I knew what they were for. I just never imagined I'd be holding them this soon.

"Tell me what you see," he said.

I swallowed. "Male. Senior. Possible mass near the lower abdomen. No complications detected in the scans."

"Good," he said. "Now tell me what you'll do."

My mind raced. Step by step. I repeated everything silently first, then out loud. My voice was steady, but my heart wasn't.

"I'll make a small incision. Locate the mass. Remove it carefully. Close the wound. Monitor vitals."

He nodded. "Proceed."

My fingers hovered above the scalpel.

For a second, everything faded. The lights. The room. The professor.

All I could think about was my baby.

Kung paano kung ako 'yon.

Kung paano kung ako ang nakahiga.

Kung paano kung may humawak sa akin na nanginginig ang kamay.

I took a breath.

"Okay," I whispered to myself. "Okay lang."

I made the incision exactly where he told me to. Clean. Controlled. My hands shook less than I expected. The professor watched closely but didn't interrupt.

"Slow," he reminded. "Precision over speed."

"Yes, sir."

Minutes passed. I lost track of time. My world narrowed to what was right in front of me. Every movement had been careful. Thinking that every mistake had consequences. To keep me intact.

When I finally stepped back, my breath left me all at once.

"That's enough," he said. "You did well."

I looked up at him, surprised.

"Most students panic their first time," he continued. "You didn't."

I didn't tell him that I panicked every second inside.

That night, when I got home, my hands still felt strange. Like they weren't mine. Like they belonged to someone older. Someone stronger. Someone forced to grow up too fast.

I washed them longer than necessary.

In my room, I sat on the bed and pressed my hand to my stomach.

"I'm doing this for you," I whispered. "Para sa atin."

The baby moved gently, like an answer.

After that first operation, I thought I'd feel proud. Accomplished.

I didn't.

I felt empty.

Sitting by my window, looking at the garden lights, my hands still smelled faintly of antiseptic. I pressed them to my stomach, and the baby kicked lightly, telling me I had to be strong. Para sa kanya.

But my mind kept drifting. Elijah.

I missed him. Simple as that.

I missed the way he looked at me like I mattered. I missed the way he would worry if I stayed too late or skipped a meal. Parang sa mga panahong iyon, he was the only one I could be soft with.

The only one who made me feel human, not... a project, a substitute.

I shook my head. I couldn't let myself think about him too much. Not now. Not with Mom hovering, Celestine locked away, and the baby depending on me to survive quietly.

Pero sa bawat araw na lumilipas, parang tumitindi ang pangungulila ko.
I saw his car sometimes, parked far across the house, always like he was too afraid to come closer. Parang gusto niyang makita ako, pero hindi niya kaya.

I whispered his name softly, almost ashamed. "Elijah..."

I closed my eyes and imagined his face. The crease in his brow when he worried. The way he smiled when he thought no one was watching. It was selfish, wanting him here when I couldn't even be fully free. But I wanted him anyway.

I let the tears come quietly. Just a few. I wiped them with the back of my hand. I couldn't risk anyone seeing.

But I also promised myself something.

When this was over. When the baby was safe. When I had survived their world long enough... I would see him. And I would tell him everything.

For now, all I could do was wait.

And miss him.