when she loved me / clifford

:: alternate ending ::

calum had called michael five times only to get his voicemail. five times was far too many. he was in his car, speeding down the dark road with only one thought on his mind; michael. when he pulled onto michael's road, his heart was pounding in his chest, and his palms were sweaty. he saw one light on in the house. he ran up the front porch steps. his hand turned the door handle. he was inside.

"mikey!" he yelled, running up the stairs to michael's room. the door was locked. calum's heart accelerated. no, god no. he pounded his fist on the door, calling out michael's name. he kicked until the door caved in, and he could just push it off its hinges. he saw his friend, his best friend, standing in his room with blood on his wrists and a bottle of pills in his hand. calum rushed forward, gripping michael by the shoulders. "mikey, what did you do? oh god mikey," he pulled michael into the bathroom, helped him sit on the side of the bathtub, and ran a rag under the water. he gently laid it over one of michael's wrists, noticing the boy wince.

"no, calum," michael managed to say. "you- you ruined it." calum sucked in a breath, but kept pressure on his wrist. michael was crying. he was sobbing. saying sorry over and over and calum couldn't bare to see him cry. so he leaned up, his hand a bit bloody, cupped michael's face in his hands, and kissed him. it was light and chaste and short and michael was taken aback by it but he couldn't help but like this. this feeling. calum pulled away, looking down at michael's wrists. they weren't bleeding anymore. "calum?"

the brown eyed boy looked up at michael, his eyes watering and his chest tight. "michael, why? why were you going to do it? you could've called me. talked to me. anything but this. i can't lose you, mikey. i can't " calum didn't realise he was close to sobbing until he took a deep breath and let out a shaky one. michael slid off the bathtub and onto the floor in front of calum. he looked at the boy in front of him, all red eyed and shaken from what just went down, and then he leaned forward, not knowing why, and just kissed him again. calum gently pushed him away, but let their foreheads touch.

"calum, why did you kiss me?" michael whispered. he felt calum tense. "no, no it's okay, calum. but, why? i thought you had-"

"he cheated. and i kissed you because i've wanted to for a while. and if you were going to bleed out in my arms i wanted to kiss you before you died." (A/N : well calum is a romantic isn't he??)

michael looked at his wrists, where the cuts were. they were just red lines now, no blood. he looked at the pill bottle on the floor, and the top still on it. then he looked at calum, calum who was still a bit shaken and had blood on his fingertips. calum who had been there for him through all of this. and he spoke.

"i love you, calum." and he did. he loved him. so much.

calum felt his heart start to race. michael loved him? he loved him? "you love me?" he had to make sure.

"yes. i love you."

and so, calum helped michael flush any blades he had, lock the pills away in his mom's medicine cabinet, and burn his journal. they sat, michael with bandaged wrists, and watched the pages turn to ashes.

and later, when michael's mother got home and found them whispering in the dark about their futures, she smiled.

"do you wanna get married one day?" calum asked. his hand was entertwined with michael's under the blanket. michael shrugged. "i do. i wanna get married and have two kids and a dog. and live in a cute little house with nice neighbours."

"whoever marries you will have the time of their life listening to you complain about everything," michael laughed. calum lightly punched his chest, laughing too.

"can i ask you something?" calum scooted closer, his nose brushing against michael's. the boy nodded, closing his tired eyes. "will you go out with me?"

you can picture the rest.

two years later

michael stood over a grave, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. it was october, her favourite season.

michael put the flowers down and sighed. "sorry i missed your birthday, i was at a band practice. i was just coming to say that i love you. and that i'm okay. after all this time, i am finally okay."

and he was. michael was okay. he was two years clean and in a healthy relationship with the most beautiful boy he had ever seen.

he was truly okay.

---

ITS OBER GUYS I AM CRYING I AM SO SAD RN THJS STIRY JS MY BABG AND OTS ALL GROWN UP NOW

thank you for making this as big as it is, i never thought it would hit 10k much less 20k. you made this possible and without you this would be deleted most likely.

so thank you. all of you. im sad its over, but im happy i had the chance to write it.

see you when i see you <3 ily guys