No matter who I'm with (A One Direction Fanfic)

Shine, Jules! Shine!

A/N Please tell me i suck. because i do. But i have a very good reason. My best friend in the whole entire world got extremely sick the day after i posted chapter 13 and then my computer time got monitered and i found out some things i wish i hadnt but if you are interested, feel free to message me. im so desperate i will vent to anyone. 

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I FOUND OUT ANOTHER ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL, @AriannaRuiz READS FANFIC.... AHHH AND SHES GONNA WRITE HER FIRST STORY AND I KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN IT YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FRO ARIANNA!!!!!!

“I thought I raised you well. Now look at you. I was always a perfect-“

“FATHER? A PERFECT FATHER? YOU DIDN’T WANT ME! YOU LEFT ME AND STAN! WE NEEDED YOU!” I knew I would break down.

I wish that I could close my eyes and when I opened them, he would be gone.

He didn’t want me. I just wanted to be loved. Our relationship was supposed to be filled with unconditional love.

Flashback

I sat there waiting for him to come tuck me in like every night.

“Hey pumpkin! Ready for bed?”

“Daddy, I’m always ready for bed! Read me a story?” I looked up at my dad with a hesitant look.

“Julsie it’s late.”  suddenly, my door opened and Stan’s head popped in.

“STAN! Tell daddy to read me a story! OOO! Come join us!” My daddy just chuckled.

“Oh jules you know I’m too big for stories! I’m 9 years old now!”

“Stan you know you want to!” My brother stood there and contemplated while my dad and I tried to convince him.

“FINE! What are we reading?” He came to sit on my side that my father wasn’t occupying and got under the pink covers and I snuggled into his side

“Juliette suggested ‘If You Give A Mouse A Cookie’ how’s that?”

“Daddy just start!” I was getting sleepy as I rested my head on his broad shoulder with my brother holding my small hand.

When I woke up the next morning, my daddy was gone, stan and I were still cuddled together, and my mommy was crying.

End Flashback

“Juliette you know nothing. I never wanted you. It took a while to get used to even the idea of Stanley and don’t even get me started on you. I had just gotten used to having a son and your mother comes crying to me years later saying it was a girl. It was too late to have you aborted. When was the last time you spoke to your mother? Huh? Three Christmases ago, was it? You were the biggest mistake in all of England.”

“Juliette! Louis! WE NEED YOU ON THE WINGS OR BACKSTAGE! YOU’RE ON IN 20 MINUTES!!” Someone was shouting and I could do nothing but step away, still shaking.

My dad left the room and went out into the audience without a second glance and so that just left Lou and I to stand there speechless.

“Jules, look, nothing he-“ I didn’t want to hear it.

“No, Lou. It’s fine. Im fine. Why would I believe anything he says? He was never there for me. He was probably drunk anyway” I let out an awkward laugh “C’mon we have a show to close!!” With that I kissed his lips and scampered off holding his hand.

But the thing is I wasn’t fine. I believed everything he said.

I was a mistake. Everything I have done is worthless and pointless.

I feed off of Louis’ support. He and I both know that if he didn’t stay around that I would still be on my way to being an addict doing god knows what with god knows who.

I hate it.

I hate what I put Stan through. He deserves to be on tour with his best mate. Not his best mate and his little sister.

Im such a fuck up.

“Hey baby, im up. I’ll see you in like 2 minutes. You’ll be amazing” I flashed a forced smile to my boyfriend and gave him a very chaste kips to his lips.

Had I really been standing there for 20 minutes contemplating the reasons on why I suck?

My question was  confirmed when I heard the melody of “Live While We’re Young” flow out of the number 1 boyband’s mouths and about 20 people were crowding me making sure that every inch on their showstopping piece was perfect.

It wasn’t until the stage manager pushed me gently and words like “GO!” and “JULES SHINE!!” and “DON’T FORGET TO SMILE AND WAVE!!” were screamed at me, that I became nervous.

But did that stop me?

Of course not.

I closed the show with style, grace, and elegance.

Well as much elegance as I could give off.

I mean I was practically naked here.

At the end of my walk, everyone was standing up and clapping and I was brought into a huge hug with five of my favorite guys.

After that was done and I was change, I was once again shoveled off to an after party.

At this party I took care of my misery the only way I knew how and made my first trip to the bar.

“Straight vodka please.”