Ribbed

Broken rules.

'Flashback'

I look at my phone smiling upon the notification of Church who just messaged me. "baby, you up?" he texted. Christian was my first boyfriend, he was the first boy my heart belonged to. Everyday with him was like living in my dreamland, but gaining him means losing myself too. I knew I wasn't allowed to date anyone not until I'm 18 but when I met Christian , it made me possessive of him, it made me want him. No one knows about us, it a little secret we keep. it's what  makes our relationship more intimate. "let's be friends in public and lovers in private." that's what we always say.  Even though my heart wanted to scream to the whole world that he was mine and I was his.

:Yeah baby, something happened?

Christian : I miss you :(

:awww love! We'll see each other on Friday, I'll make sure to give you lots of hugs and kisses!!!

Christian : lysmwtlotl! (love you with the love of the Lord so much)

: lysmwtlotl! can't wait to hug you!

Christian : I love you!

Being with him just makes me feel like I'm in a fairytale.

I put my phone down and stared at the ceiling, Being with Christian makes me happy but it feels so heavy. It's a sin, it's suppose to feel bad but why is it like a drug? The more it hurts, the more It felt heavy the more it made me crave for it? is this what love is like? A soft calm voice echoed through my room, making me go back to reality. "Honey?" my mom asked as she stood with her eyebrows frowned and her face covered with worry. "Hey, is everything alright" she stopped talking to scan my face then continue saying "You have been, somewhat..di-different." "you spend more time in your room now, you barely talk to me and your dad" Despite my mother's concern it was just a mother afraid of letting her daughter go, to me this moments were just my parents hating seeing me grow-up, to me it was just them being strict and not wanting to grow up. "I'm fine mom, It's just I'm tired" I lied. All I wanted to do is to talk to Christian , I only want Christian to touch me. It wasn't puberty, It was me already losing myself and I was afraid to admit it. It wasn't Christian , I knew in me that it was nobodies fault but mine.

'present day'

"why were you with kier?" he said while driving beside me and focusing on the road. He scan my face as he was driving. "Focus on the road ,Klein" I said as I touched his chin and focused it on the road. I froze as I realized I touched him. that, that was the first time he let me touched him after we broke up. Hurry to change the subject I said "why do I need to be there again?" to cover the fact my hands were shaking and that my face was as red as a tomato.  Being with him is dangerous, one move of his will make me desire him again. one mistake will lead me to my doom again. "seriouslyChristian ?!" I said annoyingly, this boy really knows how to annoy me. "You dragged me here and you won't even answer me" I rolled my eyes and decided to stare at the window. "You didn't answer me first" He finally said. "why were you with kier?" He added. It made me scared, my heart started beating fast. I wanted to tell him but I know if I tell him it was gonna be me submitting to him again. "We were going on a d-, he asked me to go with him" I said. "For? couldn't he just go by himself?" He said in a annoyed voice. "bruh, what's your deal? you're no different. the reason I am here is because you called me to go with you" "Yeah, but it's your job" I turned my sight towards him "My j-job?" h-how is that my job?? I didn't want to deepen the topic, thankfully we reached the mall. He told me he was buying something and told me to meet dianne and Iyah first, I did what I was told and reached the store "H&M" I entered the store and look around for a girl around my height, brown hair with a little girl. As I was scanning the whole store I heard a tiny, high pitch voice shout across from me "YVES!" and there was little Daniyah who came running towards me and grabbed me by the leg. she swang between my leg and I got her up, "Iyah! you're wearing a dress!" I said while squinting my eyes to show I was serious. She just looked at me and smile widely, "you're brother will kill us if he sees you like that" I said taunting her, gosh, nothing scares this little girl. "You don't visit our house anymore" she pouted. "leave her alone, Iyah" dianne said, approaching me with a hug. "hey dear, so glad you came" "Yeah, Christian asked me to come" I said while looking down.  Dianne lifted my chin "hmm, asked you huh" she said with a smirk. "whatever dianne" I rolled my eyes jokingly on her.