Ribbed

Love note.

After everything I heard, my whole system just shut down. It felt like my life ended within one second as if everything was done and gone. I was back to where I started, alone, afraid, and lost. I had so many questions and so many emotions that I couldn't process any of them. I was surprised that I didn't feel pain or anger I just felt nothing. I felt numb, is it even normal to feel nothing in my situation? all I remember doing is walking out of that door, walking out from the person I love, my future, and my possible life. I walked out from who I was, it felt when I met him my purpose was just to be his girlfriend, fiancé, and partner. I became too much dependent on him that I don't know who I am alone. I quickly run towards the exit and towards the parking, I can hear Chelsea and Aunt Mira calling my name, I saw their faces as they question what was going on but I had no strength to tell or even explain what happen. I just want to lay down and sleep, hoping this was all a dream. hoping that when I wake up, Christian will still be by my side, hoping that my ring will still scratch my face when I rub it in the morning. that after work, he will pick me up and will possibly eat dinner outside. Hoping that I would still walk down the aisle and see him...

"Amara!"

 I was snapped out of my thought by the voice that shouted my name...

my heart beat so fast hoping it was him...

but...

it wasn't.

"Amara!" shouted Kalix.

 "Are you crazy? you're getting into someone's car!" 

"that's it, I'm not letting you drive. I'm taking you to Nicole's house" 

Kalix dragged me in his car, sat me down, and buckled my seatbelt. the whole car ride went very fast, I appreciate Kalix for not bothering me and just letting me have my moment. As soon as we arrive at Nicole's house, that was the moment I shut down. Nicole greeted us in front of her porch and led me inside, "Hey, what happen to you?" and ladies and gentlemen, Yves Amara Lockwood cried her heart out. "look you don't have to explain it, I can understand everything that happened by just looking at you." "I don't understand where it went wrong, I fought for it! I fought for him! for us! Nicole, why?? is there something wrong with me? am I that hard to love?" "ok, ok, stop saying those things. You know it is not true!" "Look, let us head to bed and we'll talk in the morning ok?" Nicole said and I just nodded. 

Morning came and I was woken up by the sound of Nicole's cat Snowy. It seemed like a normal day, I woke up, feeling nice and forgetting everything that happened last night. I scratched my eye as I always do every morning, but then it's what hit me. I am not wearing my engagement ring, it didn't scratch me. this is not my bed, my house, the person beside me is not Christian but Nicole. Well, that explains why Snowy is here, and that was the time I felt the heaviness again. I got out of bed, looked in the mirror, and saw a devastating sight. My hair was a mess, my mascara was all over my eyes, and my foundation was cakey due to me crying my heart out last night. I sat down by the toilet and stared into nothingness, apparently this is the stage of my life wherein I wanted to become either a bag of dust in the wind or a droplet of water in an endless sea. I felt like trash, looked like trash. I was being consumed by emotions again when I heard a knock on the door, "Hey, pretty trash! stop thinking about what's wrong with you okay? head downstairs and we'll talk. I took a day off for you." well, that made me smile. "Thanks, Jk! you're the best" despite everything that has happened, I'm glad there are still people who made me feel best. 

Nicole has been my best friend for years, She taught me that true friendship isn't to be searched for but to be prayed for. She was one of the people I least thought I will be close with, but here we are years later and still the most closet. "here you go" Nicole said as she place a plate of pancakes in front of me "Okay, now talk. what happened last night? everything! I want all detail" I looked at her and started to explain everything that happened last night. And word after word, Nicole's face grew more serious. "What?! he-he did that? with kim? out of everyone? kim??" "you heard me, Nicole, I don't want to repeat it again." "wait, how did kalix end up bringing you home?" "He got back from Europe and ask where I was and Monique told him about faith's wedding. SHUCKS! the wedding! how can I forget?? I have a job!" "Don't worry, when you were taking forever in the bathroom, kalix dropped by and said he told Chelsea you had some emergency and that you'll take the day off." "oh okay, let me just call him then." "what's going on with you and him huh?" "bruh, I literally, literally just broke up with the person I love for 10 years, we broke up just flipping last night, Nicole! " "Kidding! I was only joking!! go call kalix now!" I slap her butt before excusing myself and heading outside the garden. Nicole has a very beautiful house, simple yet beautiful like her. Monique, her twin used to live with her but moved out after she got married.