It's in the dark when you can no longer escape.
Among many thoughts, of many things-one is prevelent.
It is common, it is dangerous, and it sticks with me.
It's not the fact that im not good enough, not the fact everyone one around me will die eventually. It's the fact that I am destined to the fate of my Father and 50's housewives.
I live a unimpressive life, although I am young. I have friends and friend groups and a boyfriend. A good family, no sibilings and an ever expanding amount of relatives. I do as I'm told, I'm tough and do my best, I try too hard and live by the motto "No points for second place". But I'm rarely first in anything.
Everything is as it should be, in this little life of mine, at least that's what the family sees.
I am not my best friend's best friend. I am second choice, second place, last on the list. I see love and companionship everywhere, thinking I have it but I dont. I think I'm happy but I'm not. I don't have a bestfriend, I don't someone that is always there--just a text away. I don't have friends that would drop everything to come help me out of a hard place. All I have is a ever rotating set of friends who don't care, and a boyfriend who won't text me back for weeks.
I don't have friends that will go to the mall with me, I will never have friends that will match my energy or embarrass themselves with me.
I won't ever have them.
I don't think this will ever change.
This happened to my Father.
I settle for less, I settle for people who don't care and I pretend to be happy, because shouldn't I?
What if, in the future, I truly settle for someone who dosen't make me happy? Isn't there for me, and couldn't care less. Someone that could be upstaged by a fictional character. Someone who isn't there. What if I become a 50's housewife?
What if I'm so preoccupied in my studies and my job, that I miss the people I truly want in my life? Life long friends, and lovers to grow old with.
What if I never get what I see, read, and so desperately want?
Do I die unhappy?
YOU ARE READING
poems and short stories
Aléatoirepreviously "fireworks reflected in your eyes" I don't feel like that fit the piece anymore, and I needed a change but I still want it to be taken seriously. My earlier work (earlier chapters) are worse please stick em out and read the good stuff ♡♡ ...
