We Broke

t w e n t y - s e v e n

It's been strange.

Definitely not what I would have expected.

It's been 4 days.  4 days since I've been taken away.

I've been just left in this solitude, black, dark, nothing to eat or drink except for bread and water.  I could complain longer, but I'm just glad that I'm not dead yet.

Hope.  Such a worthless thing, yet so captivating.  It takes your breath away.  Hope makes you come alive again.  It's something I lack.  

But it's also not completely gone.  I still have like 0.00001% of an ounce.  And I'm almost sure that I'm going to die in this room.  

I've figured out their plan.  To leave me in solitude till I go insane.  I think I read something that read along the lines of "Humans need human contact."   I'm pretty sure that's true, but I also know another reason for this abandonment.

It's to make me think about my past life.  Before I die.  So I have enough time to relive my life events, to compromise, to evaluate, to regret to sequences of my life.  And it's working too.  No time will ever be enough to relive what has happened in these few years.  They're probably going to come in and kill me in a few.  They won't let anyone find me.

And strangely, I'm ok with it.  Ok.  Not fine.  Ok.   

I've been hunted for way too long.  This enslavement is just the last one.  I know it.  In my heart, I know it is.  It's kind of peaceful knowing that I don't have to run anymore.

I've lived in bad conditions.  No water or food sometimes, until I find a park that I haven't gone too.  My hands and feet were bleeding the first few days I escaped from the orphanage.

I've also suffered heartbreak.  Not in that romantic kind of way, but in that break when you realize that you can't be normal.  

I went to that high-school for a very selfish reason.  People who knew my story would think I went there for cover.  But no, I had to be the selfish Charlotte and go to a freaking high-school just because I wanted to be "normal."

I wanted to become like the other kids.  I envy them so, so, so much.

I'm really stupid, I've already come to peace with that.  But I also know that I wouldn't regret it.  I've met Peter there.  Julie, Sam.  People.  Real life people, instead of the people who sneak dirty glares at my appearance.   

I'm sitting in the animal-like cage, just swimming in my thoughts.  I'm not crying.  I'm not trembling.  I'm numb.  I'm not scared.

I'm just envious and jealous.  Just one of those pathetic creatures. 

I'm so envious of those kids who get to laugh with their friends, and even with their parents.  Scrolling around on social media, failing tests, going on dates.  Having the time to just sit around and relax.  Watch a movie without having disturbing thoughts.  Having a boyfriend.  Going to college.  Kids who have an actual future.

If you had examined my life before my parents died, some would say that I was an intelligent thing, with a bright, bright future.

Fast forward a few years?   People at a first glance would label me as a person with no future.  No light at the end of the tunnel.

But I'm one of the lucky ones.  I got to live this amazing type of life, full of experiences instead of staying in a dirty alleyway.  I got to have a crush on someone.  I got to go to high-school.  I got to laugh with a friend.  Friends.  I made friends.  I met with my old best friends.  Fixed what we had broken.  I made a new friend.  Maybe a half boyfriend too.  Maybe.

I remembered that dog that ran away when I was sleeping on the streets.  He could just run.  And he could keep running.  I wished that I was like him- before I realized that he probably had a really short life-span.

I lived a life of 17- almost 18 years, more than half living in luxury.  Since then, I was forced to face the real world.  It's been a wonderful experience.  To see all the aspects of life.

If I had more time, I would aspire to become a photographer.  I would take photos of the unseen parts of life.  I would show the world.  I would tell the world the hidden screen behind a happy life.  That no life is ever perfect.

Perfect really doesn't exist.  Everything is touched with a little bit of imperfections.

I want to stay here and help the world.  I thought I was worthless, but I guess that the time has actually came, I want to stay.  

I don't want to die.  

But it's just what fate has in store for me.  I can't change it.  Fate has caught up to me, no matter how fast I ran from it.

And this time, I know that the only hope I'm holding onto, is that I'll have peace after my life is over.

That my friends will have peace.

That everyone in this world will have freaking peace.

It won't happen.  I just know it.   

Everyone wishes for world peace.  

People are strange things.  They never have enough.  I'm one of them.  Everyone is.  Thus, I guess peace all over will never be accomplished.

I still have so much secrets.  I still have secrets that I want to be told to people.  Especially Peter.

I hope he finds the stuff I left for him.  

When Peter brought me home after I ran away, I left stuff in his house for him to find.  I knew something was coming for me.

Instincts, I guess.

Suddenly, I heard a bang.  Streams of light poured in.  

I saw a friend.  Not an enemy.  A friend.  I had forgiven everyone in my life.

I guess that's what dying does to you.  Softens your heart a little.

Sam.

He was pointing a gun at me.

I didn't know it would be this soon.  The time came for everyone though.  But here was mine.

He was crying.

He was remorseful.

He whispered an, "I'm sorry."

He pulled the trigger.