Debutante's Daydream

Chapter Nineteen

        "She is a child, John. Barely out of leading strings, not a woman," Daneth seethed. 

        "Not to mention you have yet to sow your wild oats! You're green, man!" Benedict added. 

        It was the morning after John and Carolyn had been caught in the garden and his brothers took it upon themselves to berate their younger brother and make him realize the error in his ways. With as many dalliances as they both often entertained one would think themselves too absorbed to worry about what the youngest Listworth did with himself. 

        "You haven't even had time, what with your nose always in the canvas and head in the sky," Benedict said, casually sprawled in a winged back chair. 

       John scoffed, fists clenched at his sides. "For what?" 

        "To taste women! To get a feel for what you want. No woman wants a man who doesn't know what they desire in the bedchamber." Daneth's face was red as a tomato. 

        Benedict nodded along. "They live to serve, brother. How can a woman properly please you if you don't know what you wish for?" 

        John clenched his back teeth so hard he feared his teeth would crack. "I do not wish to taste other women." Especially not when Carolyn tasted so sweet, like sunshine. Not when she was the only woman he even cared to speak to, let alone taste. It sounded so intimate to him. He didn't know how his brothers could have paramours aplenty. "And not every woman wants a rake." He added, his cheeks turning red. 

        Daneth rolled his eyes and said sarcastically. "Yes, every woman wants a man who rifles under their skirts searching for the cli..." 

        John interrupted his older brother and stood abruptly. "Do not finish that sentence. I will not take part of this conversation any longer in which you not only insult me but the woman in my affections." 

        "Woman," Benedict snorted and sipped his brandy. 

        John had had enough and left the drawing room. He left the manor and called a carriage around the front. 

        If he could not convince his brothers, perhaps he could get the dowager marchioness Reeyhath to see reason. 

~

        While he stood in front of the Reeyhath estate he found himself questioning his sanity. A cold sweat broke out on his brow and his palms were slick with perspiration. His heartbeat pounded against his ribcage aggressively. He wasn't this man. He didn't show up to a Marchioness's estate and ask for the hand of the heir. He didn't kiss women in gardens in the moonlight, yet he had. He didn't do a lot of things that he'd done once he met Carolyn. 

        She deserved this. If he didn't offer for her, she could be ruined forever.

        Although, this is what he wanted. It wasn't a burden to think of her as his wife. He loved her. If it had been a perfect world, he would have properly courted her, took her to promenade through Hyde Park, he would have introduced her to his mother, he would have brought her a bounty of flowers. He would have done a lot of things differently. If he wasn't so socially akward, perhaps he would have been able to court her properly despite his lower rank.

        With a fortifying breath, John knocked on the great doors to the Reeyhath estate and brought himself to his full height. Within moments, the door opened revealing an elderly footman. His welcoming face dropped at the sight of John and he let out a put upon sigh. "Lord Listworth, you are not welcome here."

        John's face heated and his hands trembled with great anxiety. "I-I request an au-audience with the Marchioness." He cursed the stutter in his words and fisted the hem of his coat. 

        The man sighed once more and admitted him in before disappearing into the open and grand hallways. Alone, he let out a breath and dabbed at his forehead, attempting to calm his racing heart. He heard bare feet slap against the tile floors. Above he could hear an intake of breath and he looked up to meet those of amber. 

        His angel stood on the landing of the stairs over looking the bottom floor, her hair a halo around her head, brown shimmering with red lowlights, the natural hue setting the color of her hair aflame. His heart squeezed as he gazed up at her shocked face. He hadn't seen her since the night before when she had been ripped from him by her mother and his brother, he hadn't even a last chance to say goodbye. 

        Carolyn's youthful face was puffy and her eyes were red, the usually pale skin ghostly white. Even with the afternoon time, she was still in her nightrail with a robe tossed haphazardly over her arms. 

        The click of heels dragged his attention from his angel, to the dowager marchioness, her face drawn and mouth pressed into a thin line. 

        "What do you think you are doing here, Lord Listworth? I do think you have caused my daughter enough scandal to last a lifetime. I warned you from her. Now you have ruined her!" The dowagers face turned red, reminding him of Daneth's own red face earlier that morning. 

        "I have come to a-ask for the Marchioness's hand in marriage. Not only to right the wrong I have bestowed upon her, but because I hold her in my greatest affections, love really," he said, his words coming out winded and stilted. 

        She laughed in his face and turned to the footman who waited by the door. "Love? Oh yes, you must share the same notions about love as my daughter. You are merely a lord. My daughter is a marchioness and she will marry no less than her rank. You have nothing to offer her. She is but a fool who has gotten caught by your bad family name. Luckily for her, you were not found by someone other than your brother, whom I have spoken to. We are in perfect agreement." 

        His face blanched. Daneth had already spoken to the dowager? Word failed him and he glanced up at Carolyn whose face looked as ill as he felt. 

        "You are to never see  my daughter. Not ever again. She will marry and swiftly and you will have set you sights upon her for naught. She is above you and I dare pray you learn your rank." She punctuated her words hard. 

        Spots appeared in his vision. If he didn't salvage this proposal, Carolyn would be lost to him forever. "D-Dowager, I-I..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his jumpy nerves. 

        "Leave before you embarrass yourself further." 

        The footman took hold of his bicep and guided him out the door, John to shocked to believe the Dowager would marry her off to someone else rather than accept his proposal. He was tossed from the house and he stumbled down the stairs, yelling pursued behind him and ice ran through his veins. He only barely made it to his carriage before his quickening breath got the better of him, leaving him in darkness.