Burnt (Station 19)

(10). Saying Goodbye Forever

Lara's POV:

It was so difficult, to sit and have to pretend like everything was okay, that I wasn't in unbearable pain emotionally and physically, whilst I knew my dad was dying. I felt like I was dying inside, the burning insufferable pain consuming my body and my mind, I couldn't think straight, everything was always in a blurry haze in memory, I could never focus.

Part of it was having had been reliant on drugs to focus for a good few years and the other parts were what was going on around me, the grief and the loss, overwhelming me constantly. A black cloud in the back of my mind swooped upon me and all I could think about were drugs, Shay could help me, but we both needed to focus our energy on dad, not me.

I had to shake it off, I could feel this later, not now, right now I had to use my energy to get through this. Dad's breathing was becoming more and more laboured and gasped by the second, by this, we knew it couldn't be long.

All I could hear, all I could focus on was his gasps for air, he was going. "Dad, I love you. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about everything. I love you so much." I sobbed, it all becoming overwhelming, he nodded his head slowly.

"I." He gasped, his eyes slowly glazing over. "Love.. you too... All of you. Chase, Niko, Shay and my baby girl..." He coughed, "My Lara." He finished, eyes completely glazed and his grip on my wrist loosened and flopped, a sob tore through the room, from my mouth. I shook all over, as the flatline raced through the room, Jack went to get the doctors, Shay was trying to say something, but I couldn't hear her. Or anything, just the monitor telling me my dad died.

He was gone. For good. Lost In The Wind.

Slowly, I sat myself on his bed and curled myself into a ball, holding him to me, as if he was giving me a hug. Like he was still here.

"Daddy, please." I begged slowly, the denial sinking in. "Wake up." I remembered him saying this in his sleep, when I was younger, only now I realized he was dreaming of my mother, begging her to come back.

He's with her now. The sobs kept coming down, my lungs burned and my chest ached.

"Time of death: 17:51." The doctor stated as Jack lifted me up into his arms and cradled me on his lap. They pulled the sheet over him, everything hurt. Shay was quiet, on the phone until she started to talk, then she began to cry. Asher, Niko and Chase.

The pain wouldn't cease, it was there and it was agonizing. He was gone, my father was gone, for good. Shay was still on the phone to our siblings, Jack picked me up and carried me out the room as I held the crutches, I fell asleep in his arms as he walked us out of the hospital. 

When I woke up, I was in our hotel room, alone, I picked my phone up to find 37 missed calls in total, and a lot of messages from Asher, Chase and Niko and the others. 

You have 10 missed calls from: Asher 💗

You have 7 missed calls from: Niko 💗 

You have 5 missed calls from: Shay 💗

You have 4 missed calls from: Chase🖤

You have 4 missed calls from: Jo🧡

You have 3 missed calls from: Trav 💚

You have 3 missed calls from: Maya 💛

You have 2 missed calls from: Vic 💜