𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 . neil perry

𝑿𝑰𝑽.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN — another dead poet
——— ⋆୨୧ ₊ﾟ♡ ⊹ɞ ———

"FAYE," i felt someone shake me awake. i felt drowsy from last night, but i opened my eyes anyways.

for a moment, i thought it might be john waking me up. but i opened my eyes and it was charlie. i sat up quickly and looked around, i was in my bedroom, but why was he? it didn't feel like i was dreaming, but things felt so out of the ordinary, especially with yesterday, that i couldn't completely rule that out.

"charlie? what's wrong...why are you crying?" my body froze. i didn't think i would ever see someone like charlie cry. if i ever saw charlie cry, it would have to be about something he really loved. i didn't want to judge him, though.

i was scared. he had a few tears rolling down his eyes and they were bloodshot. i looked at a few of the other boys that stood behind him. they were in similar states. charlie hesitated. he had a look like he was about to say something horrible.

"faye. neil's dead."

my heart stopped. i didn't know what to say, so i just sat there, with my mouth open and tears stabbing my eyes. it couldn't be.

"he killed himself," charlie spoke, looking at me. i was now crying harder than i ever had in my life. this couldn't be real. i had just seen him hours before, in this very room. charlie was crouching down by the side of my bed and was crying more than before he spoke the words. i felt horrible that he was the one who had to tell me.

i couldn't say anything and i had started crying without my knowing.

charlie had gently grabbed my arm and we cried together. i only untangled my arms from his after what felt like hours and looked at him, at all the boys. i couldn't say anything. there was nothing to say. the other boys moved closer to me and charlie.

"we brought this for you," meeks said, "before they could take it," he handed me one of neil's sweaters. i looked down and brushed my thumb against the w on the shirt.

i looked at all of their faces, "i don't know if i can take this," but they told me to keep it. so i decided i would.

"do you want us to leave you alone?" pitts asked after a while of the boys watching me.

"i want to be alone, but not because of you,"

after a few moments, they started to tell me goodbye. everyone gave me a hug.

except charlie. he stood in my doorway.

"i hate to see girls cry," he said, "i don't want to leave you alone right now."

"you can stay if you want," i said it in a horribly rude tone. i hope he knew it wasn't directed at him, and that it was only because of how i felt in the moment. i got out of bed and pulled a floral chair from one side of my room. i shrugged at him and he came to sit down next to me. i stayed silent

john knocked on my open door and saw charlie there. "well, i guess you know,"

i nodded.

"faye, i'm sorry. you shouldn't have to ever go through this."

he was making me cry harder. he had a tearstained face too.

"we'll talk more later," he said, "do you want breakfast?"

"no, i don't think i can eat anything,"

"okay."

he slowly walked out my door and kept it open like it was. charlie quietly sat next to me. "i'm really sorry," he said to me.

"it's not your fault," i said back, "you knew him longer anyways."

"want to come with me?" charlie asked.

"where?" i asked, even though i would probably say yes regardless.

"anywhere."

——— ⋆୨୧ ₊ﾟ♡ ⊹ɞ ———

I HAD pulled on jeans and a coat over my pajama's and charlie and i went on a walk around. we didn't know where we were going, but anything that would clear our heads was better than staying home.

we passed by the convenience store where neil and i had met. i didn't say a word.

we continued walking until we reached the small gas station half a block away.

"two packs of marlboros," charlie said, dropping the money on the counter. the lady on the other side handed charlie the cartons and the change. he slipped one into my jacket pocket and he lit one from his. we passed it back and forth.

i remember doing this with neil.

we kept walking around town, until we got to the park. we sat down and lit another cigarette. i started to feel sick from smoking on an empty stomach, but i wasn't going to complain. at least i was feeling something.

we didn't talk, or even look at each other. i wanted to cry over it, but knew i would be embarrassed from crying in front of charlie.

i was freezing and i couldn't help but notice charlie moving closer to me every few minutes.

"want to go home?"

i nodded.

so, we walked back. silently. we passed the convenience store and i stayed silent again.

but i didn't want to stay silent.

"how come you told me?" i asked, in the softest tone i could muster. charlie stared off for a while, and i thought he might not have heard me. but right when i was about to ask again, he started to day something.

"i felt like i had to. there's no way todd could, let alone any of the other guys."

"i'm sorry charlie."

he didn't say anything.

———
✉️: ꒰ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ
i don't like this chapter. it took me so many tries to write it, and i still couldn't get it just write. hopefully, the last chapter of this book are better than this. sorry lol.