Slow Me Down

Chapter 48

Claudia borrows one of Foster's shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. They are baggy on her, making her look tinier than she already is. She puts on some fuzzy socks and some slides. She ties her hair up, too tired to actually do anything with it. This is as good as it's going to get. 

She enters the living room where her mom is waiting for her. "I'm ready." Claudia shuffles over to her mom. 

Taking it one step at a time, they eventually make it to the sedan, the same sedan that carried them to this town weeks ago, the one that brought them to the mall for dress shopping, the one that took them to prom. 

C buckles up, leaning her head against the chilled glass. She watches as the trees fly by. They are no longer naked but have a few small sprouts on each branch. The birds haven't returned but they will be soon. The sky is gray and covered in clouds. Drops of rain fall, colliding with the windshield of the car, making a soft pitter-patter sound. Claudia closes her eyes. She thinks back to that time so long ago, with the rain and the kind mailman. 

Typically, this is a horror scene in her mind, but now it seems so much calmer. The same pitter-patter of the rain against the windows of their old rickety military home. The cold glass of the window against her pre-teen face. The kind smile of their mailman as he does his daily routine, but with a bit more care on this day. 

Her dad may no longer be on the same plane of existence as her, but that doesn't mean he isn't there. Some days she can feel him more than others. In the ray of sunshine that seeps through the curtains, waking her gently before school. In the colorful sky as the sun sets. She even feels him in the interactions she has with those around her. She sees a little of him in Foster, someone who is turning out to be the same kind man that her father was back when he was still around.

All of these thoughts bring her a sense of calm. She opens her eyes as the sedan pulls into a parking spot in front of the sterile, white building. Sylvia opens the door for C, helping her out. C is still weak. Whether it's nausea or the daunting task that lies ahead of her, something is weighing her down, preventing her from walking on her own. 

The front desk staff wave as they walk by. They recognize the girl that was released earlier that day. She makes her way to the room that she had just left behind. It still has that same smell, chemicals, and something metallic. She walks by the rows of beds until she gets to the one on the end. She takes a seat in the chair next to the bed. 

"I'm going to be in the hallway if you need me," Sylvia exits, leaving the two alone like she has so many times before. 

Claudia's small hand finds Foster's large one, interlacing her fingers in his. She gives it a squeeze the same way he did not so long ago. She takes a deep breath, working up the strength to start her speech. She settles into her spot, tracing circles on the back of Foster's rough but gentle hand. This is going to take some time. 

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It's dark but not cold like before. I feel something warm holding on to me. I try to open my eyes, but I can't. I decide not to force it. I settle into the dark, not afraid to be here. It isn't scary. It's just lonely. 

I can hear someone clear their voice near me, but they still sound so far away. I focus all of my attention, straining to hear any sound at all. I hear an angelic voice utter my name. I listen. 

"Hey, Foster. It's me, Claudia. I don't know if you can hear me and this feels kind of silly, but I need to talk to you. This is just something I need to do right now," she pauses. Claudia. It sounds familiar but I just can't place the name with a face right now. 

She begins again. "So, Friday huh. That was rough. I'm sure you had an equally hard time that night. Who am I kidding, you had it way worse than me." A dry, sad laugh echoes around inside this dark empty place. I know this voice. I know this person. Why can't I just remember?

"I'm so sorry for running away from you like that. I should have stayed to hear your side of the story. Everything that happened, with the video and then seeing you with her, it was just too much for me to handle so I ran. I'm good at that," another laugh breaks her speech, turning into a sob.

"But you chased me. You are good at that." Images of myself, rushing through the halls of Weller spring forth. I remember that. Someone ran away and I had to go get them. I was supposed to bring them back to class, but I took a detour through the library. I can't remember who it was.

"I'm surprised you didn't get grossed out after seeing my puke like that. You have a much stronger stomach than I do." I see myself walking through the library doors, passing the front desk and the computers. I'm headed towards my favorite section of books. The horror section. 

"You tried to tell me what happened, I just wasn't ready to hear it, I guess. Micah told me what happened a little while ago. I know what happened isn't your fault and I know those videos weren't my fault, but it's really hard to believe that I'm not the reason why you are here right now."Something warm and wet splashes against my hand. I can feel it. 

My brain drifts back to that memory in the library. I walk towards my favorite spot, the old leathery armchair. Something is different about this picture though. There is someone else there, sitting in the beanbag right by my intended destination. 

"I've been thinking a lot about what we talked about at that first dance so long ago. About your history and about how we could have done things a little differently, but I don't think I would change anything about what we've done together. We groove a bit differently than normal couples do." Couple? What a strange word. 

A tiny form is snuggled into the slouchy beanbag chair. She is reading a book from my favorite section. It's always nice to find someone who likes the same things as you do. The girl has dark hair. It's mostly straight with a few curls at the ends. It's in a half up half down kind of style. It's unique. 

"I have so much that I need to say to you, about us, about me, about senior prom. Things are so quiet without you at home. I don't like not being able to hear your commentary everywhere I go. I don't know how I lived a life without my own personal narrator before, but everything is so lifeless without you around. It's all gray and cold. Foster, I'm so scared." I feel another drop of warm wet liquid hit the back of my hand. I feel something squeeze my hand tightly. 

I recognize that ponytail. That's Claudia. It all rushes back to me now. The first day of school, watching movies together, the sick shark picture, her body against mine, her soft skin, and her beautiful voice. I need to reach her. I have to reach her. She needs me right now and I know I need her too.