Slow Me Down

Chapter 40

Things have been quiet the last few months. Like super quiet. It's been nice. I can't help but feel a little lonely though. Foster hasn't been coming to school. How am I supposed to get my daily dose of eye candy if he doesn't even show up?

I lean back in my desk chair and stretch my arms. Mr. Rennet is dragging on about some guest speaker that will be coming in this week. I tune him out and look out the window. The parking lot just outside is filled with the cars of students and staff members. It's chilling to see a place so packed be so still. There are no people out and about. I've always hated parking lots and stuff because of how lively they look until you realize that there isn't even anyone there. 

My thoughts shift from the parking lot to Foster's face. His smooth spotless skin, his baby blues, his dark thick hair. He is the absolute picture of tall dark and handsome. I think about those baby blues staring me down lustfully. I watch his full lips speak my name, almost speaking me into existence. God, I wish he would devour me. Before I can imagine him any further, an image of his bitchy girlfriend pops up. She rubs her hand down his chest. He is no longer looking at me with those eyes. They are only on her. Swallowing her up in his loving gaze. 

Loving gaze. Something he has never had towards me. I have seen concern, sympathy, kindness, and occasionally lust, but never love. It's so god damn annoying. He was almost in my clutch. I could feel my fingertips dancing against his skin and in the blink of an eye, he was miles away, wrapped up in somebody else's arms. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much. 

My focus falls back onto Claudia. Her limp body against his chest, her blood everywhere. I see splintered bone coming from her shins and blood pooling at a cut on her forehead. She looks dead. Seeing her like that, literally five feet away from me, was a lot. Seeing the crazed and fearful look on Foster's face was even more. Would he have looked like that if he found me instead of her? Would he have scooped me up like a knight in silver shining armor and carried me to safety? No. He wouldn't. Because I wasn't his. He doesn't belong to me. 

I can feel the familiar burn of hot tears forming in my eyes. I blink them away, trying to remain cool and collected. It's hard, but I manage. I've been keeping my pain hidden for years and I'm not about to appear weak now. 

Just as I decide to focus on class again, the door slowly opens and then closes. Two almost foreign bodies get a nod from Mr. Rennet and then make their way to their seats, hand in stupid fucking hand. Ugh. It's like I did all that work for nothing. I risked my own safety and my own reputation to make things tough for them. To make things impossible. And all it did was help them grow stronger. I should have guessed that trauma would only make it worse for me. 

I shake the angered expression off my face. I feign a look of surprise and glee. I'm so fucking happy to see these two hornballs back at it again. I cast a glance over to Micah who is also looking at me. I hope she didn't see the anger. I hope she can't see through me. That would ruin everything. I have a backup plan and having her trust is paramount to ensuring I succeed. 

I pretend to be excited. I give a thumbs up to Micah and gesture toward the happy couple. I'm 'soooo' excited to see them back at school, safe and sound. Micah just smiles and nods. She's hopeless. Of course, she is ensnared in the sickeningly sweet trap those two have sprung upon her. It's like she idolizes them and their relationship. I don't understand why. She and Joe have something just as strong. Joe's a great guy and he adores her. Literally treats her like a queen. And she's happy with him. Truly happy. I am happy for them too. I may be using our friendship for my own personal gain, but that doesn't mean I don't truly care for Micah. She is kind and smart and albeit dopey at times but it's an endearing quality. 

I really need to start paying attention if I want to keep my A in this damned class. 

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At the end of the day, I meet Micah at her locker. She is gushing about a double date that she has planned with Joe, Claudia, and Foster.  I nod along, pretending to care. 

"So about tomorrow night! Did you get the movies? I have the snacks and I have the space set up. We'll have so much fun."

"I did get the movies. Why so many romcoms?"

"Uh have you seen the main male in any of them? He's fucking gorg. Like if-I-were-to-ever-see-him-I'd-throw-my-whole-life-out-the-window-just-for-a-taste kind of gorgeous." She continues gushing about whatever actor. 

"So I know it was just supposed to be the two of us tomorrow. Would it be okay if I invited Claudia? I know it might be a little awkward because of what happened . . ." she trails off, searching my eyes for any hint of discomfort. "But I know she doesn't hold any of that against you and I feel like you two would really hit it off."

I doubt it. "Of course, she can come! It will give me a chance to apologize to her. And just like you said, I think we will hit it off. If she has even an ounce of the energy you give off, I will like her," I say in my most enthusiastic voice. Julia grabs my arms and jumps up and down. 

"Tomorrow is going to be incredible! You guys are going to love each other. We are going to watch so many movies. Binge on snacks. Talk about prom since it's coming up soon. I might even be so inclined to tell you guys the theme for this year since I am on the committee after all." There it is. That energy I was talking about. 

"I can't wait." It's not a lie, I truly can't wait. Being near Claudia at a sleepover may give me some insight into her and Foster's relationship. I'm going to need a lot of info if I want to tear them apart. I need to know where the weaknesses lie and where the cracks might form if I put enough pressure on them. Just a little longer. I can handle the two lovebirds for a little longer. It will be over soon anyway. 

What's going to do it? How am I going to make it happen? Get some juicy gossip? Start a rumor? How do you break the unbreakable bond that is Foster and Claudia?