Slow Me Down

Chapter 38

Hey Dad, 

I know that I've told you I miss you a million times, but it's still true. It may be even truer now that I almost got to see you again. I have been in recovery from my accident for so long but I feel like I've been stuck in place like something is blocking me from progressing. It's so frustrating. Everyone is moving forward without me. 

I saw you. Just before I woke up, I saw you. You looked so peaceful and happy. Seeing you like that helps me heal. I have spent so many years wondering if you were in pain, wondering if you were scared and lonely. But then I saw you and you weren't. You were okay. I almost didn't want to leave that place with you but I know I had to. I have people here that need me.

Speaking of those people, things have been interesting since I left the hospital. During the first two weeks at home, Foster wouldn't even let me go to the bathroom by myself. To be fair, I couldn't really go by myself because of my injuries but still. It was a lot. Mom hovered around a lot more than normal which was exhausting but still appreciated. 

On a super happy note, I have been able to spend more time with Micah. I guess after what happened at the lodge she dropped one of her sports teams to be able to spend more time with the people she cares about. I see her and Joe more now. Thank God for Joe. He occupies Foster for a few hours while Micah and I talk girl stuff. 

I love you and I am so glad that you aren't in pain, 

Claudia

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"C. Come on babe, it's time to get up. You have your appointment today. We should probably get ready for that," I hear Foster say while rubbing circles on my back. I open one eye and see his wild fluffy hair pointing in every direction, his baby blues boring into me, his full lips just inches from mine. 

"Do I have to get up? Can't we just stay in bed?" I rest my hand on his chest. He grumbles and looks away, a light tint of red coating his features. 

"We can't do this right now doll. You have your appointment. We don't want to be late." I sigh and nod my head. I get up, shower, and get dressed, tugging on a pair of Foster's sweatpants and one of his hoodies. I almost trip over myself in the process. 

It's crazy to think that just a few months ago I couldn't do these things for myself. I could barely move on my own. I had some broken ribs, a concussion, and compound fractures leaving my legs immobile. Thinking about all of that pain and that terrible accident cause my heart rate to quicken. I take some deep breaths and think about five things I see, four things I hear, three things I can touch, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. It slows my heart rate down. 

Foster and I sit in the backseat of my mom's car, hand in hand. He gives my palm a reassuring squeeze. Everything is going to be okay. This is just a check-up. They just need to make sure that everything is healed properly and check in with me about my mental health progress. Then I can go home and go back to sleep. 

A wave of nausea sweeps over me. My mom pulls over to the side of the road. I hop out of the car, emptying the contents of my stomach. Foster holds my hair back for me and rubs my back. I have been so nervous about this appointment that just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. Once I am no longer dry-heaving I get back in and buckle up. Foster drapes his arm over my shoulder, this time giving my shoulder a squeeze. It's okay. I'm okay. They are going to tell me that I'm doing fine and that I don't need to schedule any more check-ups. Hopefully.