Harpers pov:
I got really bored after ash left. So I wrote a song called serotonin. It's okay, I mean...well it's extremely...I don't know. Let's just say, not the most 'happy' in terms of lyrics.
I wanna try and put it with some drums or something louder than I usually go for.
(Next day)
I walk downstairs and start hitting some random beats to the sound of the song when I hear my phone go off.
Ashtondadrummer: heyyyy wanna come over and make some tunesss? <3
Harpdaonewithproblems: perfect time lmao was literally playing with random instruments. Sure I'll be there in 3 <3
I walk over to ash's house, bringing my notebook with me.
I knock on the door expecting ash, but was greeted by cal instead.
"Oh! Hey cal!" I said smiling up at him.
"Hello red!" He replied. Guess they've all caught on to my nickname ash gave me when we were 5.
"Harp!" Ash said running over and hugging me.
"How come you never greet me like that?" Calum asked, making me giggle.
"Because you're a big boy." Ashton shrugged. "Anyway, the boys wanna hear some of your music, but only cal could make it."
"What? Why? No, ash you said-"
"Maybe not that one. But do you have any others that you would be willing to share?" He asked smirking.
"You're relentless. You know that?" I sighed. "If you're absolutely sure.." Cal nodded in response, "then I guess I c-could show a few," I gave in.
"What mood do you wanna go for?" I asked,
"First One with acoustics," Calum stated,
"You may get depression after listening..." I warned him. Ash gave me a concerned look.
"I'm fine with it if you guys are," Cal replied. Me and ash both nodded.
"Well then....here you have tv,"
I took a deep breath and began to lightly strum the guitar.
"I don't wanna talk right now
I just wanna watch TV
I'll stay in the pool and drown
So I don't have to watch you leave
I'll put on Survivor just to watch somebody suffer
Maybe I should get some sleep
Sinking in the sofa while we all betray each other
What's the point of anything?"
As I finished the first verse, I tried not to cry as i closed my eyes. I shouldn't have played this song. Gotta commit now though,
"All of my friends are missing again
That's what happens when you fall in love
You don't have the time, you leave them all behind
You tell yourself it's fine, you're just in love"
"I don't know where you are right now
Did you see me on TV?
I'll try not to starve myself
Just because you're mad at me
And I'll be in denial for at least a little while
What about the plans we made?
The internet's gone wild watching movie stars on trial
While they're overturning Roe v. Wade"
"And all of my friends are missing again
'Cause that's what happens when you fall in love
You don't have the time, you leave them all behind
You tell yourself it's fine, you're just in love
And I don't get along with anyone
Maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I'm the problem"
"Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem"
As I finish the song, I open my eyes to the two boys who are sat just staring at me. Ash looking to be on the verge of crying.
"That was really good," Cal said putting on a smile. "You're really talented," he added,
"Thanks," I said looking to the floor.
"Huh, oh yeah. That was......amazing." Ash told me,
"Thanks again,"
"Do you have any others?" Calum asked,
"Yeah I have loads, but you're only g-going to s-see one more. I literally wrote this one yesterday so it's not technically finished next." I say picking up an electric guitar that was already plugged in.
"I'm running low on serotonin
Chemical imbalance got me twisting things
Stabilize with medicine
There's no depth to these feelings
Dig deep, can't hide
From the corners of my mind
I'm terrified of what's inside
I get
Intrusive thoughts like cutting my hands off
Like jumping in front of a bus
Like how do I make this stop
When it feels like my therapist hates me
Please don't let me go crazy
Put me in a field with daisies
Might not work but I'll take a maybe
Oh, been breaking daily
But only me can save me
So I'm capitulating
Crying like a fucking baby
I'm running low on serotonin
Chemical imbalance got me twisting things
Stabilize with medicine
But there's no depth to these feelings
Dig deep, can't hide
From the corners of my mind
I'm terrified of what's inside
I get
Intrusive thoughts
Like burning my hair off
Like hurting somebody I love
Like does it ever really stop?
When there's control I lose it
Incredibly impulsive
So scared I'm gonna end up doing something stupid
But I try to contain it
Oh, it gets so draining
It's like my heart is failing
Every night I'm contemplating
My inner voices saying, "tough"
So I try to brush it off
Yeah, try to brush it off
I'm running low on serotonin
Chemical imbalance got me twisting things
Stabilize with medicine
But there's no depth to these feelings
Dig deep, can't hide
From the corners of my mind
I'm terrified of what's inside,"
It went better than I thought it did, and it was really fun, which is always good.
"You just wrote that yesterday?" Calum says,
"Yeah..."
"It looks like you've been performing it for years! You should 100% release these oh my god!"
"Thanks," I say awkwardly. "I wanna hear you guys now," I say, my smile returning.
"Too bad, you can't. We need Mike and Luke," ash says triumphantly,
"You twat," I laugh.
Ashtons pov:
Both of the songs were incredible. But I don't know how I'm supposed to react to them when the lyrics say what they say. If she feels like that....I wanna help her in any way that I can.
After cal left, I decided I should talk to her about it at some point.
"Are you o-k-kay? You've been kinda quiet toda-"
"We need to talk," I cut her off.
"Oh god, okay? Is everything alright?" She asked, worried.
"Look, I just worry about you so much, and those songs...they were absolutely amazing, but also.."
"Dark?" She implied. I nodded. "I knew you would bring this up," she said dropping her head slightly.
"I understand if you don't wanna talk to me about it, but I just want to help. You never said that you stopped...cutting," I said as more of a question,
"Oh. Ashy, I'm sorry."
"No please don't apologise, you've done nothing wrong. I just want to help,"
"But you have. I've been clean from all of it since I came here," she explained,
"Really? I'm so proud of you,"
YOU ARE READING
REGRET (Ashton Irwin)
FanfictionAsk anyone. In school my best friend was two years above me, yet we were ALWAYS together. That was until I had to move. Everyone said that he was lost without me. I guess I'll never know how he felt, I just know that I was lost. I had never made a...
