When the Music Stops (Mason Brothers Book #2)

Chapter 16

PARKER

This right here was the moment in our relationship when we were either going to sink or swim. Either I’ve built the foundation of trust over the last year with her or it wasn’t there and it may never be there. I was sitting on the couch just begging her to tell me her secrets, to open up to me, to be honest with me.

I could read her body language as we sat there in silence and I knew that she was having an internal argument. Could she trust me? Could she be completely honest? Did she know that my feelings for her wouldn’t change a bit regardless of what she told me? Finally, she took a huge breath, held it for a moment, then a deep long exhale.

“This is really hard, Parker,” she began to speak. There was a strain in her voice, I could tell she was holding back tears. “You need to know how hard this is. There are a total of maybe four other people in this world that know this. Others might know some pieces, but nobody knows everything.”

Her eyes fall and look towards the ground. She’s picking at her fingernail polish and I can see sweat forming at the base of her neck, “Jolie, sweetheart, look at me.”

I reach over and take her hand in mind. She slowly looks up at me. The tear forming in her eyes tells me a story of pain. I just want to make it go away. I just want to see her for who she is. “I promise that I will help you through whatever you need help with. I will just be here to listen if that is all you want. It’s okay, you’re safe with me.”

She closes her eyes and squeezes my hand. “Parker, I’m a drug addict. I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell you that. I might as well just come out and say it without trying to sugarcoat it in any way. Some people say once you’re an addict you’re always an addict. Other people say recovery, I don’t know.” She lets out a long exhale, “God that was so hard to say.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“I’m saying that I spent seven years of my life as a drug addict.”

I nod my head, slowly beginning to understand, “So you didn’t want to pain killers because you used to be addicted to them?”

“Yeah, them and other things. They weren’t my drug of choice, but I haven’t had anything stronger than an Ibuprofen or Tylenol since I went into rehab and I just didn’t even want to risk it because it was so hard to get clean.”

“So a year ago,” I do the math in my head, “that’s when you started working here.”

“Yeah. Well, right after rehab I was living with this couple and they owned a restaurant and they were paying for me to take the classes at the bartending school where I met Cade.”

“So the reason you were in Denver instead of Boulder wasn’t some new start?”

“No, it was definitely a new start. I did an eight-week program to get sober. I attended a lot of therapy sessions during that time, it was an in-patient facility, so I lived there. It wasn’t the first time I had gone through a rehab program, but I kind of hit my rock bottom and I knew I couldn’t continue to live that way so I took it seriously.” 

“Okay.” I let go of her hand and sat back on the couch. I didn’t know what to say. How do you respond to something like that? I was glad she opened up, but that was not what I was expecting. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you, I don’t tell anybody. I came here because Cade gave me the opportunity to reinvent who I was and that is exactly what I wanted to do. Everybody in Boulder knew the fuck up that I was. Denver was a good starting off point, but it wasn’t near far enough to feel like I was away from my past and the people in it. Nobody here knew me. Nobody judged me for my past or threatened to ruin my new beginning. It seemed like the perfect plan.”

“And it was,” she continues. “I don’t regret coming here. The thing I didn’t take into consideration was finding this group of people that took me in and accepted me. There were times I wanted to say something, but I didn’t want to ruin a good thing, so I kept quiet. The only person who knows is Toni and that is because she heard me tell the paramedic.”

I still stayed silent, trying to form a response that would convey everything that I wanted it to. Jolie couldn’t handle the silence though, she started stammering once again. “I mean, I’d totally understand if this is too much for you to take on. I can only imagine how hard it would be to date a drug addict. I mean, you probably want to go lock up all your drugs now you know?”

“Jolie,” I sternly say her name.

“Yeah?”

“Take a breath baby, you’re going to have a panic attack.”

“I’m just afraid.”

“I know you are. I’m kind of afraid too.”

“Why would you be afraid?” She asks.

“Because you just told me something so big about you and that means that you trust me and that’s such a major jump, baby, and I just want to hold you and squeeze you and tell you how much I care about you.”

She nods at me, but she’s started to cry once again, still panicking about my reaction, “I swear that I’m clean and I’m going to stay clean. I have a sponsor that I talk to all the time and in Mayer, there are NA meetings that I’ve gone to a couple of times just to like, I don’t know, decompress. I’ll take a drug test if you want me to.”

“I believe you, Jolie. I don’t know what you need from me, maybe nothing. But whatever it is, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

She made a statement, not a question. Like she was confused that I would be making such a statement and she had to repeat it. I leaned towards her and gently wrapped my arms around her waist and guided her up onto my lap. She adjusts herself so she’s comfortable and then she snuggles her body into mine.

“Want to hear something absolutely crazy?”

“Of course I do,” I say before kissing the top of her head.

“I’ve never felt so connected to one person as I do to you, Park. I mean, I like you, but I also just feel like we get each other here,” she puts her hand on my chest and I cover her hand with mine. “Does that sound crazy?”

“It’s the least crazy thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You liar!” She giggles.

“I’m not. I know exactly what you mean. That’s why I’m so drawn to you. I sound all hippie or some shit but man I feel like you’re a piece of me or something. I don’t know how else to describe it. I just know that the first day you walked into the bar and looked at me, I just knew that you were meant to be in my life.”

“Thank you, Parker.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Red.”

I know that she hasn’t shared everything and I still feel those walls, but I know she trusts me with her deepest and darkest secrets and more will come when it needs to. Until then I’ll just be that person she needs me to be. Then one day I’ll tell her my deepest and darkest secret. That I love her. So fucking much.