A Dragon's Treasure

Chapter 27 - The Other Son

Roman was awake.

He wasn't sure he had ever really fallen asleep. The entire time he had been laying in this bed, the world swam in and out of focus. Sometimes there would be someone there with him, and sometimes there wouldn't. He had to have been sleeping in between those times, but even if he was, he didn't sleep for long. The nightmare of what happened played through his mind constantly, a clear vision imprinted on the back of his eyelids every time he attempted to close them. How could he have done this?

The sun had set long ago, and Logan and Remus had left him to his rest, mumbling something about being there if he needed them, but Roman wasn't sure what he needed. He didn't think he could put into words the aching in his chest.

"I heard you were wallowing." Janus' voice was soft, smooth, and all too forgiving. Roman wanted to cry, to scream and yell and tell Janus to leave, not because he hated the dragon, but because he didn't believe he deserved the man's kindness. Instead, Roman turned to look at him, fighting the tears that were in his eyes. The two of them had an unspoken conversation, looks that they both understood before Janus walked over, sat on the bed, and pulled Roman into a hug, gently running his hand through the prince's hair. He didn't ask for permission, didn't forewarn Roman of what he was doing, but there was no need. It was exactly what Roman wanted and needed at that moment.

Something broke in him as Janus held him softly and didn't say a word. He began to sob, clinging to the coat of a father figure he had only recently met.

"I know your feelings about her are complicated. It's okay," Janus said softly. "They are allowed to be complicated. She was your mother."

There were no words between them for a little bit as Roman attempted to figure out what he wanted to say. How he wanted to make Janus understand that what had happened was a horrible thing.

"This wasn't how I wanted to take the throne, I wanted to find a compromise." He hadn't wanted his rule to start in bloodshed. He wanted to be better than his ancestors. Maybe Roman had been a bit idealistic, but wasn't idealism supposed to be a good thing? A positive future was a good way to start. He hadn't expected for it to all go wrong.

"Sometimes, compromises can't be found." Janus kept his voice quiet as if he would break the spell of the night by speaking too loudly. Roman was sure this was experience talking, this wasn't just platitudes to make him feel better. Janus really knew. "Sometimes, you have to do what's right for you, and... what's right for your people."

Roman was silent for a while, just holding onto Janus. Was the murder of his mother really what was right for his people? Was this the best option for the country that he wanted to protect? That wasn't a question he could answer tonight. No matter what Roman did, he had a feeling that wasn't a question he would be able to answer for a very very long time.

"How did you know I needed you?" He eventually asked, though he probably should have known the answer.

"A little birdy told me, even offered to give me a lift." There was a bit of a smirk to Janus' voice, and Virgil didn't need to know who exactly that birdy was. Just like he didn't need to know that said person would probably be pissed at Janus for calling him a birdy.

Roman reached up to his own neck, touching the talisman that hung there, a symbol of his devotion to Virgil, the good of the air, and prosperity. "I really ought to thank him." Even in his grief, he could recognize how much Virgil had helped him with everything. How much Virgil had been instrumental in his growth.

Janus nodded but made no move to pull away from Roman. "Yes, that is true, but I think his praise and thanks can wait. He is a god, after all, he should learn to have a little patience."

Roman snorted, holding Janus tighter. Only a powerful person could get away with saying shit like that to a god. It was hilarious, but it also filled Roman with a weight he didn't know what to do with.

"What do I do now?"

"I thought that would be obvious," despite his words there was no fire to them, "You lead, Roman. You have all of the skills and abilities to become an amazing leader, to show the world what you are made of. Once you have mourned, once you have taken the time to recover and repair, you lead, because that is what you are meant to do."

Janus' words felt warm and Roman nodded just a bit. He still always forgot how nice it felt to be believed in. "What if... what if I mess things up? I know you have been teaching me to be confident in who I am, but what if I fail? What if I hurt others?" Roman didn't say it but the question was obvious. What if he hurt someone else in the same way he had just hurt his mom?

The light scratching of Janus' claws in his hair felt good, and the fear and tension in Roman's shoulders began to drop, little by little. "You apologize, and you keep going. You are going to falter and fail and mess things up, but that doesn't reflect on you as a person. We all falter and fail, we all have regrets, that's how we know that we are changing and improving." Janus whispered. "It's how you know you are alive. And what happened with your mother, you learn from that, you don't let it happen again."

"I... didn't mean to, I swear I didn't, and it feels so strange to mourn someone whose biggest contribution to my life was my low self-esteem."

Janus hummed lightly, "How heavy it is to mourn a family member you lost long ago? That can be true for recent losses and far-off losses. You aren't just mourning who she was right now, you are also mourning who she was to you when you were younger, and it's okay to fight with those thoughts.

Roman nodded, slowly pulling away. He wasn't sure how much he believed Janus, wasn't sure how much he was really allowed to mourn a person who he had killed, and a person who had been slowly killing him in her own way. However, even if he didn't know, even if he wasn't sure, Janus hadn't left his side. Janus continued to hold him and tell him that it was okay. "Thank you," his voice was still quiet, protecting the night.

"Of course, I will always be here when you need me. You are my son after all."