Accidents Will Happen

Chapter Seven

Why in Oz had she told Galinda?

That was the question that relentlessly went through Elphaba's mind as she lay on her bed, staring at the high, immaculate ceiling above. They'd known each other for how long? A couple of weeks? And they'd only been reasonably close for one of them. Sharing any intimate—let alone shocking—details of her private life was uncharacteristic for Elphaba under the most favourable of circumstances. So what had suddenly compelled her to offer them so freely, much like the unionist pamphlets regularly handed out by the missionaries on the corner of Crage Street and Tower Avenue?

Would she have told Boq, her longstanding childhood friend? Certainly not! While others might disagree, the fact that he was a boy was hardly even a consideration for her. Why should Galinda qualify as a confidante, solely on the grounds of being a member of the same gender?

Nessa was female, too, and she'd never even dream of divulging such matters to her. Her sister was about as fanatic about her religion as their father was. If she ever caught wind of this most precarious situation Elphaba had gotten herself into, she'd first rat her out to Frexspar and maybe their great-grandfather, and then proceed to shun and condemn her. Elphaba and Nessarose might have drifted apart over the past couple of years, but she still loved her too much to risk her irrevocable scorn.

So she supposed it all boiled down to whether she could have avoided talking about it altogether. As a general rule, the answer would have to be a resounding yes, for she'd definitely kept secrets before, worked through pain and otherness all on her own. Never before had any predicament proven too challenging to overcome in due time. Hence, she knew that she could do it, that she wouldn't eventually erupt out of the sheer frustration bottled up inside of her.

And yet, she had caved this time. Why? Why?

She'd always considered the structures of defence that she'd managed to build up over the years to be sturdy from the inside out, as well as the outside in. They contained as much as they protected. Up until now, they had been impossible to breach, though she had to concede that mere few had tried out of pure malice, and even fewer out of charitable reasons. So could it be that her assessment of her strength had been too overweening? Had she overestimated herself? Had she finally found her match in this most inconspicuous, petite, golden curled whirlwind of a girl?"

Boq, whom she blamed just the tiniest bit for her predicament, had not caused her to accidentally spill the beans. Despite being blissfully unaware, he did have a measure of leverage over her, but on the other hand, he had never really tried to coax her out of her shell. As soon as she'd bristled, he'd retreated. When he had tried one more advance, she'd left and he'd let her go easily.

Galinda was different. She'd made short work of her reticence and still continued to elicit secret after secret from her. Persistence and artful coercion were without a doubt key elements of her strategy, but how exactly she used them to get straight to the bottom of Elphaba's non-existent soul and how she could possibly stop her was beyond her expertise. The reason why she was so interested in her in the first place was one she didn't even dare ponder.

Did that mean that the only solution was distance? Should she leave and isolate herself once again in order to repair her weakened defences and preserve the last remaining vestiges of her dignity? Perhaps it was too late already. Perhaps she had not enough dignity left to save.

If that were the case, the next logical step would be to question whether there was still a point in resistance at all. If it was too late to prevent the unpreventable, then why not look for upsides? Elphaba admittedly was not much of an optimist, but maybe there were some rational, pragmatic advantages to be discovered.