"I wanna die, I wanna die!" Mia yells in the mirror after school she looks in her blazers pocket and finds her sharp blade from the sharpener she took apart she goes in the bathroom with her mind racing telling herself it's her fault and she is useless and no one loves her, telling herself why didn't she tell her mom when it happened. Taking the blade to her wrist seeing her healing scars but she wanted to stop she told herself she is going to stop she really wanted to stop but now she couldn't her mind was in front of her telling her she should do it. The blade cutting in her skin drawing almost a perfect red line and again and again and a few times more until she couldn't stop the bleeding Mia now with teary eyes says "That's better" ,she told her friend she relapsed again and she sends a pic of it her friend calls her asking her "Are you okay?" "NO, I'm not I am losing myself I cant do this anymore!"...
Ryno went on a roadtrip and he didn't know she relapsed she didn't want to tell him because she is scared that he would judge her even though he didn't judge her in the past when she first told him about it. "Lizzy, what did y-you do I told you not to tell him I relapsed why the fvck would you do that I trusted you!" "He needed to know I am worried about you and he said that he would't judge you about it he is just mad because you didn't tell him and you told me instead of him". It's 3 am and Ryno is busy calling Mia and asking her about it "Why didn't you tell me and you told Lizzy instead of your boyfriend?" "I-I was scared that you would leave me and go find a girl without all these problems without anxiety,depression,bipolar and anger issues because who would want a girl with all these problems and also cutting herself for some stupid thing that happened in the past!" "Babe, I know you have all these problems okay and I want you to know that what your father did is not stupid its fvcking messed up and he should rot in hell for that and he did that to his own blood but babes you know I wouldn't leave you because of your problems we can work through it you know that but please try to stop for me please?" "Maybe, I love you babes I am gonna go sleep sweet dreams see you tomorrow babes" "Babe plea-..." Mia got off the phone before he could say anything about 'Maybe' she went to her bed in the cold night got in bed and closed her eyes...
She couldn't even move freely in her bed with the stinging on her arms and legs. She got out of bed her mom was already gone of to work Mia walked to the kitchen to put on the kettle for coffee she felt numb she got in her mind again thinking of everything that has happened these past couple years since she was 5. "Why was I so stupid and scared back then?" she questions her decisions always "Don't be so hard on yourself it was 10 years ago when it first happened and 4 years when it last happened just accept it" she always answers herself and she thinks she is crazy...
