ennui | junshua

five

they finished their dinner, the two were awkwardly walking around the park. both of them were feeling anxious, forgetting how to start conversations. they just stayed quiet.

the moon was smiling at them, the cold breeze made joshua squeeze the hand of the younger to avoid feeling the cold.

they were both on their way back to the car, they prettty much talked about everything during their meal time. but junhui didn't mind the silence, just as long as he's around shua, he feels safe and happy.

"so um.." joshua says, breaking off the silence between both of them, jun looks at the older who was looking down as he kicks the air while he keeps walking. junhui smiles softly at the small child-like behavior joshua is currently in. 

"i was gonna say 'how are you?' but i already asked that awhile ago.. so never mind"

jun giggles softly, he finds it cute when his partner goes 'nevermind', it reminds him of the old days.

but to joshua, it didn't feel like the old days. sure, he was happy to meet jun after two weeks, but he felt some sort of coldness from junhui. he tried to shake that thought away but it decided to stay there and annoy him.

as they reach the car, jun takes the key out as he opens it. joshua sits on the right side as jun sits on the left. the chinese lays his head back on the headress and sighs loudly, acting as if it has been a long day at work. he looks over the korean, seeing his eyes being stuck to the ground.

"are you okay, love?" jun asks the older who quickly looks at him and nods, pretending everything was okay.

'i had fun on this date though.. what's wrong with me?' joshua shook his head once again, he takes a deep breath and lays his head on his right hand.

the brief surge of pure joy was quickly supplanted by ennui.

jun didn't notice the gloomy eyes of joshua, he was focusing on the road, not wanting them to get into an accident.

it was quiet once again, joshua didn't even try to notice junhui which made the younger get slightly pissed at, this wasn't his usual behavior, he missed the little sunshine he heard, the one who rambles all the time, the one who laughs at his jokes.

where did that side of him go?

"you're quiet today" jun says with a hint of sarcasm, it made joshua snap out of his thoughts, he looks at jun and looks at the road, the black head bit his gum, softly chewing on rid of get his madness.

a small 'sorry' came out of joshuas lip, he wasn't in the mood to argue with jun today. he enjoyed today, he really did, but he felt like he messed it up.

junhui sighed and focused more on the rode. the older looks at the chinese, seeing a cold expression on his face, he sighs and looks at him, "i'm sorry.. are you mad?"

it took awhile for his partner to answer, shua looks at him the whole time until he gets to his condominiums parking lot. 

he gets down the car, "i'll text you when i get to my door?" he softly asks, junhui leaned on the chair, arms crossed, looking at the stirring wheel coldly. "are you mad at me?" joshua didn't want to start a fight, but he hated how jun was acting, he hated how he was being ignored the whole trip back.

"it's fine. go home." he says, as cold as ice.

joshua let out a huff, "just say something if you're mad!" he shouted which made an echo through the basement. jun shook his head, biting his lower lip. he didn't want to argue with joshua. not today when he thought he was having a good time.

"junnie!"

junhui looks at the older, "did you not enjoy tonight? did you not like the fact i treated you to the place we first met? did you hate the food? if so you could've just said something for fucks sake! i don't understand why you're in such a bad mood!"

the shouting got joshua off guard. he didn't expect junhui to act like this. he lets out a sigh, "you seemed so fucking cold today, you looked so concentrated on work! i understand this job is important to you, but holy shit it's a night for the two of us."

he continues, "is work now more important than i am? is this whole relationship a joke to you?"

"it's for the future, joshua." jun argues, fighting the urge to shout at him once more.

"am i not part of your future?"

the sentence hit junhui, tears were threatening to fall down his eyes. fuck, he fucked up big time. he could've spent time with joshua on extra days instead. but no, he decided to do more work stuff.

good luck wen junhui.

joshua slams the door of juns car and opens the clear glass door, aggresively pressing the 'up' button of the elevator. he kept all his emotions in, he didn't want to break down in the middle of waiting for he elevator.

then there jun was, sitting on the chair, frozen, processing what was just happened. did he really fuck up this date? was he just doing this for the sake of joshua to be happy again? 

he just wanted to be with joshua once again, but he messed it up like he always did.

// a/n
dont cry, its not even
the painful part yet-