Do Not Look At Me, See Me

Chapter 3

I don't remember much after Enorgo shouted out Palomas name. I remember the hate towards him, how I should've walked up to him and draw a gun to his head. I remember nearly falling to the ground and that someone picked me up right before I did. I remember her dark green eyes and her fire hair. I remember her freckles, how they formed her face into the almond shape that it is. I remember her crying on the ground and I wish that I would've done the same to her. I should have. There's many things I should've done. But instead I cried and wept like a baby. I begged for someone to comfort me and I didn't expect her to be the one doing it. One thing that I don't remember is my dad throwing the chair at Mags, I didn't believe Sofia when she said that he had. I remember flicker a sight at the scene just to see Mags on the floor. I didn't remember my dad throwing the chair at her.

Now I'm in my room, I've said goodbye to Paloma and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I remember her red eyes looking at me for comfort. I said many tips for her but I think the most important was that she would seize the audience. It's her only change at winning. I remember Raelynn walking into the room with tears running down her cheeks. I remember her hands on mine saying comforting things to me. I remember Raelynn talking to Paloma and giving her support.

"Keep close to Finnick all the time, okay?" She took her hands around Palomas as she had done to me. "I've said to him that he must look after you too. Try to be his friend." Paloma feared what would happen but now it was some hope. She nodded to Raelynn. "Win the crowd." I nodded behind her back. "I know this is hard. I know." She paused. "Finnick has trained since he was nine for this. I've done it too." Paloma looked at me with scared eyes. My mouth was a straight line when I nodded and Paloma directed her eyes at Raelynn again. "He knows what he's doing. Stay close to him. Do what he does." I frowned at that. She does what feels best, I wouldn't trust those sibling at the stake of my life.

"Do what you like. But I think trusting Finnick will help you." I said when Raelynn was gone. "I love you so very much. So very, very much." I hugged her and kissed her forehead several times. I released her and I ripped apart some fabric of my green dress.

"What are you doing?" She said.

"To remember me." I said while knotting the fabric around my hand and punching the small glass of the building. We can get it repaired later. I took a shattered glass splinter and I cut a long strand of my hair with it. "Here." She just stared at me. She smiled but not because of the gift.

"We have the same hair, it will just look like I cut my own hair." She said laughing a last time. I smiled at her. This was how I wanted it to end.

"Let them then." I hugged her once more and breathed in her scent one last time. The door knocked and a peacekeeper opened it. I felt how my tears started to run down my wet cheeks once more when they pulled her from my grip. I stayed there a while and then I walked out of the room and shut the door. I locked it and tossed the key on to the other side of the hallway. I will not be going in that room ever again.

I am so angry at everything. At Enorgo, at Raelynn, at myself. Mostly myself and Enorgo. Raelynn is just a stubborn bitch. I can't really blame her, with a mother like that. Her childhood must have been hard.

I saw her mother once, and only once. I was grocery shopping with my mom and I saw seven-year-old Raelynn reach for a peach on the highest shelf. She couldn't reach it so she begged her mother get the peach for her. "No, I won't get the peach for you. You should've thought more before you asked me. You know that better than I do. Don't ask people for help when you can do it on your own." I didn't understand it at the time but after some moments Raelynn had piled a stock of boxes and could reach it how easily as ever. She brought the peach to her mother to show her victory but her mother ignored her.