When I am sad and broken down...

The One where Ellis wants to adopt Nick

"Wake up!"

Meredith wakes up to a familiar, slightly raspy voice. It takes a while for her to feel completely awake. She looks to the left side of the bed, where Nick is sleeping, facing the other way so that all she can see of him is his bare back.

They stayed at his place tonight, it's closer to the hospital and, since he was on call and Meredith had to work until late on a paper and she has a meeting with the board early in the morning, they thought they would kill two birds with one stone spending the night together. Meredith is happy that he wasn't paged by the hospital. Seeing him shake in his sleep, she tries to reach over to him with her hand, but the person who woke her up stops her.

"That's your new boyfriend, isn't it?"

"He is" she answers, finally looking at the person who's standing next to the bed, disapproval written all over her face.

"How have you not changed at all? All these years didn't teach you anything?"

"I really like him... mom."

Ellis steps closer to her.

"Meredith, listen to me. You already made this mistake once and look where it got you. You are me all over again. A brilliant surgeon with brilliant skills who ruined everything by dreaming of a perfect family with the so called perfect man. Now you have the burden of three children and you are remaking the same mistake."

"I love my family, mom. I love my kids, they are not a burden."

"Then why are you not spending the night with them?"

Meredith feels the world crumble around her and before she knows she's falling in a hole of her own guilt... Falling... Falling... Until...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH"

Meredith wakes up all sweaty and terrified. She's shaking and tears are streaming down her face. She's sat on the bed and her fists are squeezing the sheet so tight her knuckles turn white.

"Hey, hey"

Nick is sitting next to her, his right hand stroking her back and his left one trying to untighten one of Meredith's fists from the sheet.

"I'm... I'm okay" she breathes out in a choked voice after a while.

"Bad dream?"

"The worst kind" she answers, finally unclenching her grip.

She rests her head on his shoulder, more tired than she was last night. He rubs her cheek with his thumb, catching every tear that still manages to escape her eyes and placing a soft kiss on her head whenever that happens.

"Do you think you can sleep some more? It's still early" he suggests when her breathing seems to have gone back to normal.

She takes a deep deep breath before answering: "I don't know... But I can try."

He lays down, this time facing her, every single one of the muscles on his chest exposed. She uses the tip of her index finger to trace their shape and that gesture seems to calm her down.

"Come here" he then says, stretching out his arms to invite her to be the little spoon.

The look on his face tells Meredith he knows how embarrassed she is right now, but he also knows that all she needs is being held, even though she would never ask for it. She slowly snuggles up into his arms and he keeps holding her tight all night long.

A knock on the door distracts Meredith from the teaching schedule she's trying to prepare for next week's first big visit. Before she knows it, Nick is standing in front of her, looking all handsome as usual.