When I am sad and broken down...

The One with the Tent in the Backyard

“I was surprised when you came to see me.”

“Why? You said your door would always be open.”

Meredith looks into Dr Wyatt’s eyes, unsure of what she expects her to say. It’s her third session with her and up until now she simply asked Meredith to tell her about some of the events of her life she thought it was important to mention. Meredith told her about her kids, about her failed relationship with Nick, about the job offer in Minnesota, about Charlotte and about how Bailey quitting made it impossible for her to get the fresh start she needed. It was painful and draining to talk about all of this, but apparently it wasn’t enough for Dr Wyatt, who kept questioning her about the past and especially about Derek, which made absolutely no sense because she knows everything there is to know already. Everyone who worked at Grey Sloan at the time heard about Derek’s death and she even came to his funeral. Or at least, that’s what she said. Meredith can’t really remember who was there and who wasn’t. She also really doesn’t understand what’s so surprising about her wanting to see the same therapist again, even if it’s been fourteen years, and having to explain it feels frustrating.

“I don’t have the energy to tell my whole life story to someone else. You know most of it, I don’t need to tell you about my dead husband or the pain my mother caused me. You know these things already and I told you the parts you didn’t. Now you can just go ahead and fix me.”

Dr Wyatt sighs, then uses her cane to help herself up and walks to the door.

“Our time is up, Meredith” she says, turning around to look at her. “But it seems to me as if you have a lot of ghosts, parts of your life you don’t want to talk about, people you don’t want to talk about and as long as you don’t start talking I can’t go ahead and fix you.”

“So what? I just stay broken?”

Dr Wyatt takes a couple of slow steps forward.

“I told you fourteen years ago that my door would always be open and it is. I am here to listen. It’s your door that’s shut, it’s probably been shut for a while now. You don’t want to talk about your past, you don’t want to mention your late husband and you are talking about a fresh start, but you can’t really start fresh unless your unresolved issues are taken care of.”

“I need to start talking…” Meredith says, again with the high-pitched voice. “I don’t… I wouldn’t even know how to do that. I’ve been meaning to talk to him for ages. He told me about so much of his personal history, but I… I don’t know what would happen if I talked…”

“What’s the worst thing that could happen, Meredith?”

“…fifty! Ready or not, here I come!”

Meredith looks around herself with a big smile. Amelia and she are sitting in the kitchen sipping a glass of soda and wine respectively, while April, Maggie and Nick are cooking Thanksgiving dinner, talking and laughing with each other. Jo and Link are in the living room with Scout and Luna, while Callie and Arizona are nowhere to be found, though Meredith has a vague idea of where they could be, seeing that the bathroom door has been locked for the past hour. Some people are meant to arrive in the next two hours, including Addison and her family. Izzie and Alex got here a while ago with the kids, but Nick immediately suggested they go get wine from the closest grocery shop. By the glance he exchanged with Jo, Meredith understood what he was trying to do and was very grateful to him for delaying their conversation as much as he could. She already talked to Alex, telling him to please avoid any drama at their dinner table and he was surprisingly mature about that. Charlotte is playing Hide and Seek with the kids, Meredith can see her standing behind the door of the kitchen to hide from Ellis, that’s running around the house to find them all. Nick’s niece looks so much stronger than she did a few days ago: she’s eating, laughing, playing with the kids and going to therapy every day. She joined an online support group just like Amelia suggested and she seems very excited about going back to school. Meredith is sure Nick is still worried sick about her and she can’t blame him, but Charlotte really seems to be doing a lot better, so hopefully things are going to get better for her from now on.