I Had a Dream Last Night

Dream #13

Dream #13 and Dream #14 are unedited. Please don't mind all the errors while reading. But I will try to fix all the major errors. Thanks.

Dream #13

/awake/

I didn't know how I got into this situation, but I am aware that it's my fault that my mom is shouting and angry at me right now.

"I'm trying so hard to understand you. Maybe you're just having a hard time. Maybe senior high is really that difficult for you. But I can't help the disappointment I'm feeling, Kei. This is not you..."

I was looking down the whole time ever since this situation I'm in. I don't know what lie do I need to say anymore just to calm her down. I want to lie again so bad, but I ran out of reasons. I promised her that I'll do my very best this time, but I failed again.

"Your teachers are calling me, not just your adviser anymore, Kei. Every single teacher you have at every subject. You told me you're gonna fix this! I'm not worried for myself in this one, I'm worried for you!"

I'm worried for myself too. I keep holding onto something that I don't have a grip on in the first place. Something I can't even hold, something that I felt, but I have never touched.

But I just can't stop.

"Kei... Kei..." My mom leveled her face to mine. I tried so hard to avoid her eyes. I'll just break down crying and tell her everything.

I don't wanna tell anyone about all the madness I'm experiencing because they'll think that I'm crazy, that I'm a hopeless case and every thing that can describe me and my situation.

"I want to help you... But I can't help you if I don't know what's the problem. So please, I'm begging... Tell me what I need to know and what I need to do. I'm your mother, don't shut me out of your life. I want to be a part of it," she cried.

I bit my lower lip. Still fighting the urge to burst out crying and weeping like a child. I want to throw out tantrums, shout all my misery, and all my frustrations. I've been keeping everything inside me, and the only way that I was able to let it all out was through my diary.

"There's nothing wrong mom..." I told her, just like what I've been telling myself.

I sounded like I was convincing myself, not my mom. There's nothing wrong with me...

I didn't look at her since she started talking. I hear her sighing, and sobbing a little. And it's breaking my heart to see my mom like this and because of me. I'm making her cry, and I can't do anything to console her because I feel too guilty. I feel like if I try to make her calm down, I will be able to blurt out everything and it's the end.

"I'm..." She stopped and just stood up. She didn't say anything. I looked up to her, and the only thing I saw her did is leaving the room, not looking back at me.

I couldn't breathe inside the house. Not when I'm hearing my mom from the next room, crying and sobbing. I stopped myself from crying, I don't want to cry.

Crying doesn't do anything good. It won't help her and myself at all.

I left the house without telling her. I needed time to think and fresh air would help me. Our house suddenly feels suffocating to me.

I was just waking alone in our village. It was a quiet day and the sun is covered by clouds, but it didn't look like it was about to rain. I didn't even know what time is it.

As a result, I feel like I'm a zombie walking in the middle of day time. My thoughts are clouded just like the sky today. If anyone will see me, they'll think I've gone crazy.

But thankfully, no one is around. It's just me, the empty road, the sounds of birds chirping happily, and the cloudy sky. It was a nice day, but it didn't affected me much because of the confrontation my mom and I had.

Was it even a confrontation? I looked like I was convincing myself with my own reasoning and not my mom earlier. She did the most of the talking while I sat there, avoiding her gaze.

It was already dark when I decided to come back home. I lose track of the hours. I just walked around the village, just thinking about everything and Kaiden, of course.

I was praying that me and my mom's paths won't cross. Our house is not that big but I wish I won't have any confrontation with her today. It's stressing me out and I don't think I still have a face to show after what I did.

Instead of talking things out with her, I avoided everything, I left the house to escape the problem I've caused.

I was already in my bedroom. I guess she left the house. When I arrived, the inside was dark, but the lights outside the house was already open. Maybe she left right when I left.

It was already eight o'clock in the evening. Still no signs of her.

I ate dinner alone and quiet. I was the only one who's making a noise at our house. I am used to the silence since there are times that mom takes overtime shifts, but the coldness was adding up to the silence, and it's different from any other day.

When I was finished eating and finally washing the dishes I used, I heard someone entered the house and I assumed it was my mom.

I continued what I was doing, not until she entered the kitchen and called me.

"Kei," she called with her usual serious voice, but this time concern was etched in it.

"Hmm?" I hummed as a reply but I didn't look at her, I just continued to what I was doing.

"Kaiden Carter... What a nice name."

I froze to my spot when the familiar name came out from her mouth. I felt as if I were deaf at the moment. I didn't know what to react, and I was wishing that I only misheard her and it's because I miss Kaiden so much.

"You haven't heard from him in a while, that's why you're stressing out..." She said in an accusing tone.

I exhaled and prayed a little in my mind. I closed my eyes before I finally faced my mom.

My eyes set to the one she's holding. The pink notebook that has been my partner in all these times, the only thing that knows about Kaiden. She has it in her hand.

"Kaiden will be sad to see you like this... I suppose," she said in a serious face.

She didn't have any other reaction. She looked at me with a blank and serious face as if she's facing a very casual situation.

"Kaiden Carter must be a nice boy. When will I able to meet him?"