Eva's Sins.

I

                           „If my birth means to die, I'll better never feel this sweet taste of life"

  „When I was only a dream of my mother when she was still in love with the man that betrayed her by marrying another woman the day he found out about my coming into this world, I was happy then – floating into a world of fulfillment, into a magic world, into a parallel universe where everything is possible, where children are still happy: loved and hugged by their both parents and where they still can dream.

  But a whimper made me understand that my dream was gone, that my thought of being only a flash of light into a universe surrounded by darkness was something impossible, and that it was the time to turn back to reality, for my coming into this world was something predestined and fulfilled – I was already part of that universe called life, part of a merry-go-round which I couldn't stand against anymore.

  Even so, even if I was aware of everything that was happening around me, I never understood why my coming into this world meant losing my mother, who chose to leave this beautiful story called life only to see me happy, smiling, and being full of life, taking only her memories with her – those of my small fingers touching her white skin and my sweet voice gurgling at her chest.

  But – have I been happy finding out about her sacrifice? Did I take this for what it is worth? I never knew and I won't probably ever know this. Yet, the fact that I came into this world and that someone sacrificed her life for giving birth to me will chase me everywhere, like a shadow that will always make me shudder inside and whose presence will never allow me to be ever happy, for..."

  „Eva! Where are you?"

  Finally, Beth's voice awoke me from my daydream and made me realize that I was standing in front of the same jasmine flowers'field, where I always used to stay when I was thoughtful, lurking on all those insects that were spinning above the field, in their shy attempt to build an own universe, up there, a universe which I used to stare at all the time the melancholy was taking over me.

  „I'm here, Beth. Next to the jasmine flowers'field," I told her, seeing that she won't give up on finding me and she'll call my name till she sees me.

  Thus, Beth finally saw me and approached me in a hurry. And I see her hurrying up across from the house and I understood that something happened for sure, if that chubby 15-year-old kid, with red hair and a lot of freckles of the same color on her face, runs, for she runs only when she must tell „urgent news." And her sudden clumsiness made me smile, for, watching her, while she was desperately trying to recover her breath after the short run, stopped only two steps from me, was something very funny to watch.

  But my smile hadn't been something mean, but sweet, for I realized once again that my good friend doesn't love to rush. She better prefers to do everything calmly and leisurely and, even if we're the same age, we are totally different: both as face and character, while she prefers to think before doing something, I'm always rushing somewhere and, in most of the cases, my decisions are wrong or hurried.

  „Master is calling you," said Beth, between gasps.

  „Master," I thought smiling, for even if Beth always calls my father - the „master," I never get used to his nickname, for I know him very well – he's nothing more than a simple jasmine flowers'farmer, full of debts, clumsy, who's barely able to control his life, his income, and his fortune.

  „What for?" I asked.

  „I don't know, but it seems to be something very important, for he even sent for the big carriage, the red one. You must hurry or he'll definitely be upset," said Beth while piercing me with her curious glance.

  But I avoided her glance, for even if she was waiting for an answer from me, I really didn't know it, and the fact that I had to leave her in that state of confusion and with a lot of questions spinning in her head, really made me suffer, for I felt sorry for her to see her in that condition. But... I'll tell her about this, eventually, when I find out first why my father wanted to see me that urgently or when I have at least an idea about what's going on with us.

  Actually, my first thought, hearing Beth telling me that my father was looking for me, was that he'll bring a new wife into our home. But... I quickly chased away that thought, for it was too early: his last wife, with who he married only five months ago, died only two weeks ago and, even if my father wasn't a faithful man, he cared about what others say. So, he won't rush to marry again. Yet... what could his rush mean or...?"

  „Are you going or...?!" insisted Beth.

  „Do I have any other choice?"

  „I don't think so. Do you know that..."

  „I know that I don't know anything, Beth. I just feel that my world is about to collapse over me and I don't understand why. A feeling? Too much fresh air? Or maybe is this fragrant jasmine scent that tickles my nostrils? Probably it's because..."

  „Because?" insisted Beth, lurking on me with her black eyes, the glance of a deer.

  „That something unexpected will happen. Something that'll change my life completely and forever."

  „Like a hunch?"

  „Just something I feel, Beth. Don't worry. Let's better go or your „master" will be really mad if we come late."

  Before leaving, yet, I gave Beth the jasmine flowers'bouquet, which I picked up to put in a vase in the living room. Then, I rushed toward the house, with sure steps, even if deep inside me I felt that the storm was about to start, and this was happening all the time my father was calling me to have a word with me: I never knew what to expect from him, and I was always thinking that that time will be worse than ever. But even so: I was sure that I must find out what was the matter, for if I didn't find out this, nobody will ever tell me this.