Eva's Sins.

XX

"I'm happy when I am with him, but my heart is crying"

  The diary in which Eva was writing her thoughts was full of such sentimental words. She didn't even know why she was sad when she should have been happy. She was loved and she loved, but the sadness was growing inside her with each passing day and she had nobody to talk to about all this.

  She also decided not to talk to Brian about her feelings, because she saw him thinking repeatedly and the last thing, she wanted was to be another problem in his life. She was loving him so much and she wanted to make him happy, but no matter what she was doing, Brian was getting sadder and colder.

  And Eva was blaming herself for his coldness. She was thinking that she wasn't worthy of his love and she was suffering in silence.

  The only thing that could cool the fire in her heart was the books and she was reading all day, sometimes even forgetting to have lunch or dinner, and this made her seem even skinnier than she was before.

  Miss Bircham told her one day, with a harsh voice, that men don't love stupid girls and she should stop being such a pest. She should learn how to make him happy and not be happy, but Eva knew deep inside her that she also lacks love, caresses, and warmth.

  She could have those caresses and that warmth only when they were together, sitting next to the fireplace, in his countryside residence, while reading a good book or listening to how Brian is playing the piano.

  She didn't love piano music before. Alfred even paid for some piano lessons for her, but the girl couldn't stay still for hours and hours and practice, and very soon she gave up. And this made Alfred angry because he hoped that would see Helen playing the piano again, but his dream remained a dream, and that fire and grief he had in his soul, he could cool only in someone else's arms.

  And one day Eva started to learn the piano again. She decided that this way she will make Brian appreciate her even more and she asked Christine to hire someone to teach her.

  And Christine did this, only to be left alone. She was too busy with the new business Luis was planning and also, she had in mind to be involved in the elections of the new bishop. This way she was dreaming to control the Church too.

  To be sure she will succeed, she sent Emily to Paris to make some connections and agreements there, and this way she was keeping Miss Davis away from Eva too, because Emily became somehow connected with this girl, and in time, this could have been a problem for Christine's plans.

  Christine hated to see her plans failing and to avoid it, she had spies all over. She had spies in her house too, and for this she made Anna keep one eye on Eva, and thus Christine knew each step she and Brian had taken, even if she wasn't in town, but it wasn't enough. So, she decided that it's time to have someone inside Beneath's house too, and she "bought" the consciousness of one of the servants that were working for Brian, in his countryside residence, and this way Christine always had fresh news when Anna couldn't hang around the two lovers.

  This way she found out that Brian and Eva had also bodily pleasure, and not only of the soul, and this made her very happy. She knew that Eva is young and she could get pregnant and if this happens, Christine will have total control over Brian, because he hadn't the amount that Christine asked for releasing Eva and with a child in her belly, Eva's price was double increasing. But Christine's expectancy was left to wait and this made her be irritated each time she was seeing Eva in front of her eyes.

  She even hired a countryside doctor to check Eva, but he couldn't find any problem with Eva's health, so Christine could only wait for "the miracle" and leave the girl alone, even if it was something she hated - to back off.

  Feeling her body numb, Eva stood and approached the window. The book she was reading was left on the bed and it somehow looked more like the cell of a prisoner than the room of a young girl. But the one who imprisoned herself in that room was Eva and she did this to not see Miss Bircham. She didn't know why but had the sensation that Christine had some negative feelings about her and the girl disliked it. So, she preferred to stay in her room and to read or to look outside through the window at the red, fluffy squirrel that was playing in the big Maple tree while thinking of what was happening.

  Brian didn't send any word for three weeks and that made Eva feel that things aren't going as they should work, but she didn't know how to help him, so she decided to wait.

  But the waiting days became long and boring, and the young girl felt that the "captivity" was asphyxiating her. The books she was reading weren't what she wanted to read, the food didn't have the same taste and she even gave up learning piano. She simply couldn't concentrate and that feeling that she had in her stomach every morning was irritating her and making her yell at everybody who was trying to talk to her.

  Today something was different. She woke up much calmer than usual and when she got out of the bed, she didn't feel dizzy, so it was something gladdening.

  It was already the middle of March; the sun was warmer and the days became longer, and this change of seasons and temperature awoke in Eva's soul a strange desire to have a walk and she asked Anna to prepare the carriage.

  Albert wasn't home, so she had to wait for about two hours till the teamster returned from the town, but he couldn't even drink some water when Eva told him that she needed to go into town and he must hurry up.

  All the way to the center, Eva looked in amazement at the nature that was slowly waking up to life after a difficult winter. She even laughed softly when she saw two titmice playing in the spring dust and their cuddling was something that made her so happy that moment.

  Albert stared at her as if he saw a ghost, and rightly so, because it had passed weeks since Eva didn't sketch even a smile, immersed in her soul pain, and now she is back to life. This change of mood was something weird and unexpected, but Albert met a lot of women who Christine raised, and he knew that women's mood is unstable and where now is sunny, soon can be rainy, so he just nodded and continued to whistle his unknown song.

  Right after reaching the center of the town, Eva saw Brian at the entrance in one barbershop and she stretched her hand to greet him. It was the first time in three weeks seeing him, and it made her so happy, but her happiness didn't last long, as Albert had predicted, and Eva started to shed bitter tears seeing another woman next to Brian.

  She just couldn't understand how could he betray her, after she was given body and soul, how could he forget the promises he gave her in their long nights of love, and how could he just walk away on the arm of another woman after seeing her.

  But only Albert knew the truth. The woman on the arm of who was Brian wasn't his wife or some unimportant lady. That woman was Beatrice Evans and he did this at Christine's request.