Eva's Sins.

LXI

„We are all captives of the whim of life: that's all"

  A sad piano song was heard all over the house while little fingers, but soft, were running back and forth on the ivories, trying to put all the passion and pain her soul was capable of in that song, a piece of music so intensely relived by her heart that was so eager for love and comfort, but at the same time, it was forgotten by the world and by its own master in that darkness called the inner world.

  And... along with that amalgam of feelings sunken into deep darkness, moved by the monotone waves of the music awkwardly sung by her hands, Eva felt so lost and so alone, as she has never felt herself before. But... she couldn't feel differently while she was rejecting Brian's love, who even if he demonstrated to her that he was ready to change his manner of acting with her, to redeem himself for every single sin made in the past, and to make her happy, Eva didn't feel certain that it was going on the right way: not at that moment.

  But... her state of mind was also comprehensible, more after everything that happened to her and, memory after memory, each of them outlined on its own sheet of Eva's soul, were moving with such a speed in her being, just as the young woman's fingers were moving on the ivories, pressing them fervently and outlining, even more, the difference: both of her feelings and thoughts and of the ivories in black and white.

  Eva shuddered when she realized this and, unwillingly, her hands stopped at a few centimeters above the ivories as if she was a mystic creature made from water which a polar gust of wind had frozen, the same gust of cold and harshly air that Brian spotted at her earlier but in the outside of her being only, while Eva's inner world was like a sea in the time of the storm, with turbulent waters moved by the hurricane of her own inner feelings that she couldn't control anymore.

  First, that strange coldness, which had been also felt by Brian at her and which was only a mask that the young woman used to wear to hide from the world, has suddenly transformed into displeasure when her lips started to move in a slight shake, similar to the kids'habit of showing their annoyance when they had been scolded by their parents for some mischief. Then, Eva felt how thousand and thousands of electric currents, that were taking form in her chest, suddenly pressed her from inside and she felt a harsh pain in it, giving the electric currents a kind of impulse to cross throughout her body. In the end, her sad and empty eyes, that were watching the world as if she was a kind of mystic creature that didn't know in what kind of strange world did she get in or how to turn back to her world, suddenly filled with tears and it made her sight shake as if it was a kind of strange dance of the melancholic drops of the soul. Later, the same tears, that were burning her white and soft skin, started to run on her cheek, gathering for a moment at the base of her chin, and, in the end, they bathed her neck in a cold shiver, that had also white skin which could be easily mistaken with precious porcelain.

  That tremble of Eva's soul lasted for minutes, whilst she had felt that she got at the back of beyond and that there wasn't any way to return to the start point. Then, deep sighs have been heard floating around her while her tears were gathering more and more at the gate of her inner world, pushed there by sadness, tiredness, misunderstanding, and ... fear.

  Yes... Eva was afraid: of people, of time, of betrayal, even of herself, for not only once she woke up alone in front of the fate, left in the lurch namely by those people who she has trusted the most.

  And... the young woman was right: first, she was an orphan because fate has decided so, to leave her alone in that big world when she was just an innocent soul who neither saw the face of the beloved being that brought her into this world nor she could smile to her mother with her sweet smile. And... so soon, she saw the unknown instead of the maternal glance: thousands and thousands of new faces while she was carried by them into their arms. But, even if those strangers were telling her something unknown and even were smiling at her, the poor kid didn't find out in those monotone and varied voices that unique voice she has heard right from the beginning since she was just an embryo. So, she transformed in time, from a cheerful and innocent child to a lonely soul that was always looking for something while walking throughout the world. However, even if she was looking for that something, she wasn't aware of what she was in fact looking for because that was her mother's voice she was missing so much, but she couldn't remember its sweet melody.