Leave, Before You Love Me

Chapter Twenty-Seven

The girls and I spend the afternoon viewing apartments all over Seattle. After viewing four, we end up falling in love with a three-bedroom townhouse close to downtown and fill out a rental application for September.

The townhouse is close to everything we could need, and although we would have to commute to UW for classes, the three of us have never agreed on anything more than we do this place.

The owner refinished the townhouse in a modern contemporary style. While the high ceilings and the dark hardwood throughout were beautiful, it also had an updated kitchen with new appliances. They designed the large living room with a beautiful brick fireplace and two large bay windows on either side that overlook downtown, plus the large three bedrooms and two bathrooms were everything we had hoped for.

It would cost us a bit more than we were expecting to spend, but Lilly & Charlotte's parents said they'd help them with rent this year, bringing the cost down substantially for the three of us.

After we signed the application, we opted to spend some time walking around what we hoped to be our new neighborhood—getting to see what was close by; we found ourselves in one of the famous breweries on Western Avenue for lunch.

It felt good to be with Charlotte and Lilly. Taking time to figure out our living situation and plan our move to the city in a few short weeks. Over lunch, the conversation goes quiet between us, and I notice Lilly watching me closely as I pick at my food.

"Lil, what's up?" I ask, seeing she has something to say.

"Ros, can we talk about you and Mason?" she asks me bluntly; her eyes fill with concern, and I sigh at my friend.

After seeing Mase and me together this morning and what they may have overheard last night, I have been waiting for their questions. I just hadn't had time to come up with an answer for them yet.

Looking between a concerned Lilly to a curious gaze from Charlotte, I choose to stick with the truth. Bracing myself, I sigh, and my words come out in a rush, "Honestly, I don't know. We have been getting closer. I told him last night that I care for him a lot. I would be willing to give up so much of myself for him," I shake my head fiercely, "but he doesn't seem to want to give anything up for me." Throwing my hands up, I continue, "Not that I want to change him! I love who he is."

"Wait, you love who he is? Do you love him?" Charlotte stops me; the same concern I saw on Lilly's face is now written all over Charlotte's features.

I cover my face in my hands and nod. Charlotte questioning whether I love Mase is the same thing that's been on my mind for a couple of days, and I can't lie to my friends, so I don't try. My eyes dart between my two friends, prepared for their warnings about falling in love with the wrong person.

"Rosie, You're in love with him?" Lil looks at me, not able to contain her surprise.

Shaking my head, "I don't know. I mean, I think so? The words almost slipped out last night." Their eyes resemble that of an insect, they're so huge. "But then I find out he's hiding me from his brother again, and it makes me question everything. He is all over the place." I tell them, "How can I love someone who can't love me back?"

"Has he told you he loves you, Rosie?" Charlotte asks.

"No. No, Mase hasn't said those words specifically. He says things like he can't stop thinking about me," I roll my eyes skyward, "that he's protective of me, that he doesn't want to hurt me." I push my plate away from me, my stomach suddenly feeling uneasy. "But then he's also told me he doesn't do relationships, that he wants to keep what we have private. That no one is to know."

The girls sit and listen to me as I tell them everything I have kept to myself over the past several weeks. Opening up about the frustration I have been feeling towards Mason, and even though I feel guilty for breaking some of his rules, it's nice to finally get it off my chest.