Wed , 20th July 2022
Time sure flies..
I guess I doing this when I keep bottling my feelings or when I'm too overthinking kinda.
13.49 p.m
I guess what I dream that day are truth
I dream that my whole body being bite by Charlie
And I search it on Google and it says that if you dream like that , that's mean I will encouter difficulties time 'emergency moment'
I guess it was right , I don't know why but since yesterday I realize bad feeling keeps coming, negative thought keep lingering in my head, overthinking keep going, I feel triggered by someone else when they say I keep laughing. i want to stay away from my friends. It feels like when I was in form 3. It keeps happening.
But is it wrong if I'm laughing. It's not that I didn't do my work , why everyone keep mentioning as if I shouldn't get too happy. Should I cry and being depress with what I'm getting through right now? If don't smile you gonna said that I'm too stressed, what the fu*k!!
Suicide thought keep coming none stop since yesterday.
This time it feels like I'm gonna do it for sure.
It as if I didn't have any religion, I didn't have God .
So when this thought keep coming , I told myself that my body belong to Allah, I can't hurt my body cause it's not mine, I borrowed it.
I should treasure this body.
It happening again that suicide thought.
I'm scared.
But after pour my feeling in the notes I guess I'm okay a little bit..
Not too overwhelming like before.
